Okay, I'll Be The First To Admit That's A Tad Ambiguous
But you're not here because you want finely-nuanced journalism with integrity and depth; no, if you're here it's because Conrad's ranting nonsense has a certain novelty and entertainment value - a bit like that chap on "T.I.S.W.A.S." whose party piece was to sing "Mule Train" whilst bashing himself over the head with a tray. Art!
Yes, you are seeing correctly, that's BOC with all five band members playing guitars, probably the touchstone definition of FLAMING ROCK!
Except that's not what this Intro is about. Don't cry, it doesn't become you. Hanky for the snowflake!
ANYWAY Conrad reminds you that we were blathering on about Ruffian volcanoes, of which there is a definite paucity in European and Siberian Ruffia.
Until you get to the Kamchatka Peninsula. This is just about the farthest you can go East and still be in Ruffia. Art!
The Peninsula, you see, is on one of the tectonic plates that ring the Pacific, which means it sports lots and lots of volcanoes. Some of the ones in Siberia haven't erupted in over two thousand years; not so the active little fumaroles in Kamchatka. Let's just list the more recent ones. Art!
That there is Avachinsky <bites tongue at gift of pun> which last erupted in 2001. It looks pretty spectacular, but apparently you had to be there in 1945 when it really blew up and quarter of a cubic kilometre of lava was ejected. From where we get today's title.Art!
Behold Bezymianny, or what's left of it. This angry little rock-venter exploded catastrophically in 1956, up until which people had considered it extinct. Duh. It's exploded periodically ever since and it even now messing up Ruffian aviation, since it erupted in April of this year, sending an enormous plume of smoke and ash over seven miles high and extending over 1,200 miles. Art!
Meet Gorely. This thing is a series of interlinked volcanoes and if you hang on a minute Art will provide proof with some puny humans for scale -
It most recently erupted in 1986. Since 2010, however, activity has increased, so the whole thing might go Beziamianny at any moment, and those tourists on the edge are risking more than they realise.
Are we having fun yet? Because there are even more hot rocking Kamchatkan volcanoes, not to mention the Kuril Islands, which are so volcanically active that they make Kamchatka look staid and dull by comparison. I think I'll got and retrieve my dinner from the oven and we can leave Ruffian Leaping Death Stones for a while.
Hmmmmm I wonder, I wonder, would BOC's management be up for them performing atop that rock ledge at Gorely? They could fly in by helicopter from Alaska and be done and gone before anyone knows what's going on. FLAMING ROCK PERFORMED ON FLAMING ROCK*!
O Boy More Flaming Ruffians
We do seem to be developing a theme here, don't we? After celebrating the majesty and beauty of Ruffian nature, we then have to deal with the articles that live there, who are not at all majestic since they did their own Royal Family in back in 1917 wh
ANYWAY you may have heard the latest news about the South Canadians generously allowing other people to supply Ukraine with F-16s. It's not quite that simple, of course - obviously! - because the Ukes have to supply pilots to train on the F-16, as it's so thoroughly different from anything they've flown before. Art!
These puppies are a quantum level beyond anything the Ruffian VDV has, and their pilots are probably hitting the vodka in consolation. The thought of F-16s armed with Storm Shadows - the Kerch Bridge is quivering a bit. The feckless Brits of This Sceptred Isle have at least 700 of the Stormzys that they've supplied to the Ukes.
But wait! There's more! The French have their own version of the Stormzy, which they call 'Scalp', and they are going to match Perfidious Albion's commitment. Imagine that, 1,500 sneaky-peaky cruise missiles with a half-ton warhead that can take out hardened targets from 150 miles away.
Conrad suspects the 'Demilitarise' goal that the Fun-Sized Foot Fiddler had 450 days ago is even further out of reach. Oooops. Art!
Stormzy with puny human for scale
A Lighter Touch
Because Things Exploding can get boring for some people. Not Conrad, he could happily sit and watch a tape-loop of explosions all day long and indeed has done
ANYWAY more of the 'Star Wars characters as Baroque portraits'. I have copied the two from yesteryon as I don't think the added commentary was very high quality, although the gin I had imbibed plentifully most certainly was. Art!
Yuck, no thanks, this one looks as one imagines a were-cabbage would look like. Take it very far away very quickly!
Hmmmm a lot better. Ol' Boba rather resembles a cuirassier cavalryman with all that armour, all the more so with his dashing cape.
How Very Ironically Apt
That's the thing about volcanoes, they run to their own schedule, not Hom. Sap's. As we've been looking at Ruffian basalt blow-holes, it appears Mount Etna in Sicily got a little jealous and decided to reclaim the title of 'Europe's most active volcano'. Art!
Thankfully no injuries. Lots of fallen ash clogging up nearby towns and villages, and aircraft have been grounded. That's the downside. You may be asking 'Why would anyone with two active brain cells live there?" Because the ground is incredibly fertile, that's why. Art!
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| Plus - free fireworks!** |
"The Sea Of Sand"
We are at the end of our epic desert adventure. Conrad's intent was to use just a portion of the military history of the war in North Africa that he'd read up on and knew about. The military kit is all accurate, I assure you, as was the use of Forward Supply Depots by the Western Desert Force - not called 'Eighth Army' until the next year (1942). The romantic vision of endless sand dunes was not true of the coastal areas, where solid rock lay underneath a shallow layer of dust and gravel. Art!
I nicked the title from this film, which I only got to watch last year. Filmed on location in Libya, before Gadaffi took over.
Hopefully you liked my iteration of the Doctor. Sadly for some of the Fan Fiction slash fans, there is nary a hint, not even a scintillion, of attraction or romance between him and Sarah. We keep things serious around here at BOOJUM! Nor are there any Mary-Sues - a term used in fan fiction for dubious authors who write themselves, thinly-disguised, into the story, as paragons of strength, sexiness, talent, impeccable taste and cool hairstyles. Conrad is too lardy and mardy to be any of these.
The idea was that adding in a fragment of the overall work would increase the word count by about 200 words, so we'd be looking at an overall total of 1,200 words per diem, which I have now surpassed without any TSOS at all.
Finally -
I see one of Darth Marmalade's lawyers has quit his employment, stating that in-fighting on the legal team had thoroughly melted his pan. Getting out before being indicted yourself is always a winning more in DJ Tango's entourage. I see he has opened himself up to ANOTHER defamation lawsuit after repeating the slanders he was found guilty of a few weeks back. This inability to padlock the permanently-performing piehole is probably another reason matey left.
"Donald, DO NOT mention E. Jean Carroll!"
"But I want to."
"DO NOT MENTION E. JEAN CARROLL!"
"I'm going to do what I want."
"DO. NOT. MENTION. E. JEAN CARROLL!"
"You don't get to tell me what to do."
"You know what? I quit."
"Great! Now I can mention that woman I don't know and never met as much as I want!"
Don't sneer, it's probably truer than you think.
* A man can dream.
** Or - is that just me?
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