First Of All
WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS! No, this Intro is not about taking illegal drugs because we are both SFW and have a sound moral compass*.
No, what I wanted to reference was another system of classifying mountain and rock climbing, because yes, we're back to that again. Art!
It seemed appropriate
Today we shall look at the Yosemite Decimal System, because on the 'Mountain Madness' page it mentions an appropriately graded mountain as an example, which is great for the visually-mentalled amongst us.
Class 1: Hiking. The example given is Kilimanjaro. Art!
From a distance On the slopes
As you can clearly see, an excursion that even elderly and overweight pensioners like Conrad can manage, needing no more than a stout pair of boots.
Class 2: Simple scrambling, with the occasional need to use hands. Example is Ruth Mountain. Art!
At this point Conrad is happy to be Ruth-less, since it looks unpleasantly cold, what with all that snow. Apparently it can be an avalanche risk in winter, which is another reason to not go there. The peak is one of the Skagit Range, near the Cascade Mountains in the state of Washington. It forms part of the watershed for the splendidly-named Chilliwack River.
Class 3: Scrambling. Rope may be required. The example given is Sahale Peak. Art!
That's the Peak part, the very topmost tip of Sahale Mountain, which is located in the Northern Cascade Mountains, also in Washington state. They look very jagged to this wary author, and not much fun to be on in winter.
Class 4: Simple climbing, often using rope. The warning goes that a fall on a Class 4 rock climb can be fatal. Also, 'natural protection can often be found'. O I'm so glad about that. Really. Their example is Mount Shuksan. Art!
That looks cold and dangerous. Reading on, it is dangerous, never mind looking well dodgy; it seems that there is always the risk of avalanche and numerous people have died in same, often being carried over a cliff edge.
Class 5: If Class 4 wasn't enough to put you off, welcome to the real rock climbing classification. These climbs involve ropes, belaying (whatever that is) and protective gear. Hang on, let me just cattle-prod Art into wakefulness -
Belaying
There are sub-classes within the 5 rating to indicate the difficulty of the climb in question.
5.0 - 5.7: For new climbers, i.e. relatively easy, especially for those with experience. Example given is Liberty Bell Beckey Route. Art!
"Conrad Noped out of there like a startled gazelle" Liberty Bell from afar
5.8 - 5.9: For the more experienced climber, as these routes involve jamming, liebacks and mantles, whatever they are. Hang on, Art - put down your bowl of coal.
Laybacking involves the use of cracks or crevices in the rock face being climbed, to which Conrad's reply is how do you know it's not friable and will give way the instant weight is applied to it? Jamming is much the same. Mantles are how to literally surmount an obstacle. Art!
Another of those free climbing loonwaffles
One example given is the Outer Space Snow Creek Wall, which sounds highly implausible. Art!
There you go, with all the exciting routes you can take up it.
5.10: Routes only to be tackled by the very experienced, well-equipped and especially foolhardy, such as Juno Tower Clean Break (who thinks these names up?). Art!
Excessively jagged, I feel
5.11 - 5.15: For the experts only, by which they mean people who do this for a living. Frankly, you couldn't pay Conrad enough to get him to attempt a Class 2.
Art!
South Early Winter Spire
There you go, now we all know a lot more about mountain climbing than we did five minutes ago, and Your Humble Scribe is more convinced than ever that he's never, ever going to go rock climbing.
O Frabjous Day!
The BBC have enabled Comments on a Have Your Say about a ballfoot game between - er - two teams <squints> that would be Full Of Ham versus The City Of Manchester. Conrad cares nothing for the game and doesn't support a team, just enjoys all the malicious banter being spat forth. For example:
Oh my, someone is disgruntled. Another!
What a great result - Fulham were excellent, a real test
Ah, sportsmanship. Very rare in these comments, but people do sometimes put rivalry aside.
'On The Edge'
Back to the series of photographs sent in to the BBC on this theme. Art!
Courtesy Karen Jelved
Definitely an odd one. The photographer didn't know whom the bust was of, nor why it had been placed on a ledge at random. Explanations in the Comments, please.
"The Sea Of Sand"
The Doctor is doing a bit of basking, seeing his carefully-seeded rebellion gaining traction.
With a wail of sirens, Senior
Kosad went off to a bailiwick half the world away.
Nurbonissa
came to ask questions, only to be pre-empted by the Doctor.
‘Before
you ask, Nurbonissa, yes we did need to release those prisoners. That’s fifty of them sent away to other
Lord’s lands. Your agenda and their
message will travel, Nurbonissa. Farmers
not being ruled or exploited or Eviscerated.
Medicine and surgery for the sick and the injured. A methodology to revitalise Waste- to revitalise Homeworld.’
Other
bio-vores of the escort came in to listen.
‘Will
our rebellion succeed?’ asked one.
‘Undoubtedly!’
replied the Doctor. ‘I’m not one to pay credit
to old Vladimir Illyich, but one of his phrases is most appropriate here:
“Nothing is as powerful as an idea whose time has come.” ‘
Privately,
the Doctor felt quite pleased at progress here on Homeworld. The aristocratic system, with it’s feudal fascism,
had suffered a near-fatal blow in the space of a few days. Given a few months, the Farmers would have
achieved liberation.
‘What
methodology?’ asked another of the escort.
The
Doctor produced a glass scroll, etched with his trusty sonic screwdriver (a
liberated trophy from Lord Sur’s castle), remembering what he’d written there.
What ho!
Flog Golf
I see Darth Marmalade has arrived in Scotland to visit and bray about his golf courses. You know, the ones that have consistently lost money, since everything he touches is cursed.
He may be trying to get away from the unpleasant publicity back home in South Canada, where E. Jean Carroll's court case alleging defamation and sexual assault against him is underway. Thing is, in a civil case like this the defendant, by convention, attends the trial even if not deposed or called to the stand. If they are absent then the jury are allowed to interpret that as they wish. Probably not in a good way.
I imagine that DJ Tango will fly back home with a tale of how King Charles knighted him in secret as well as giving him the Crown Jewels and the title deed to Buckingham Palace so it can become Buck House Casino And Brunch Grill. Art!
LOOK AT HIS TINY HANDS!
* Perhaps
