THE MALD DIVES

Settle Down, This One Will Take A Bit Of Explaining

Firstly, read what it says, not what you think it says.  Conrad knows you were thinking of that archipelagian republic, the Maldives, which are simultaneously one of the smallest nations there is whilst also being quite enormous, a contradiction we may explain.  Art!

     As you may judge from the above, they are a popular tourist destination and the tourists provide 28% of the Maldives' GDP, relegating agriculture and trading to second and third place.

     There are, in total, one thousand, one hundred and ninety two islands in the archipelago, which extends over 35,000 square miles.  However, the actual islands themselves only account for 115 square miles, explaining that contradiction between area and size.  Art!

     
     Conrad will avoid making any bad puns about the Maldives' capital, Malè, because some things are beneath contempt, whereas these islands are likely to be beneath the waves in a generation.  They were very hard hit by the tsunami of 2004, when practically every island in the chain was flooded, by waves of up to 14 feet in height, des

     ANYWAY of course none of this wibble is about what I really wanted to type about, which is MISSILES!

     Thanks to Jake Broe for covering the topic and bringing it into daylight.

     PATIENCE!  I will get there in the end.

     You may be aware of the Ruffians wringing their hands pathetically at how the world hates them and how unfair life it, because the Ukes hit Luhansk with what is presumed to be a Storm Shadow missile, supplied surreptitiously by Perfidious Albion.  The Ruffians seem to think that, because we play cricket, there are rules we have to follow and that we are required to let them know what military kit Prez Zed gets to unwrap.  Only telling them that the Storms were in Ukrainian arsenals after they'd hit a target seems to give Peter The Average gout of the brain.  Art!

     This strike has scared the living wastewater out of the Ruffian military commanders, because Luhansk is a major logistics, command, accommodation and transportation hub.  It was waaaaay out of range of anything that the Ukrainians had.  Until now.

     By now you've all seen pictures of the Storm Shadow.  What you might not have seen is this puppy.  Art!

     This is the ADM-160 MALD; "Miniature Air-Launched Decoy".  This thing has the capacity to puff itself up on radar to look like a B-52, a Tochka MRBM or "HOLY MOTHER  OF GOD SERGEI FIVE F-16S!!".  The smart money is betting that the Storms were accompanied by a flight of MALDs, who were thus intercepted instead of the far deadlier (and costlier) Storms.  The South Canadians who supplied these splendidly sneaky sizzlers never mentioned a word about sending them.  So you can bet they'll be used again.

     Incidentally, they cost less than a HIMARS, at $130,000, and a single Ruffian S-300 missile used to shoot them down weighs in at $1,000,000.  So it costs over seven times more to shoot one down.  Aw, look at that, Putin On The Fritz is salting his borshch with his tears.

    It's not the first such decoy drone, as Conrad remembered South Canadian Big Ugly Fat Fellers during the Cold War carried a couple of 'Quail' miniature aircraft that mimicked the Radar Cross Section of a B-52.  Art!

To scale the Quail

     They didn't have a long service life as radar technology improved and such a decoy got less effective.  Still a neat idea, though.

     Jake pointed out another use for MALD; if it's sent into Ruffian-controlled airspace they'd turn on their SAM systems to shoot it down, because it would look so threatening.  The thing is, there's another missile the South Canadians gave the Ukes without publicising it: the AG88 HARM 'High-speed Anti-Radiation Missile', which is designed to track active SAM systems and - er - neutralise them.

     Damned if they do, damned if they don't.  Ah, I see Dimya's moved onto fish and chips; he only needs vinegar because ...

The Sea Of Sand

Ha!  No, it's not in quotes, nor is it Fuschia, because this is about real life, not the demented scrivel of Conrad and his fan fiction.

     I've been reading "Machine Gunner 1914 - 1918" and came across an interesting anecdotal story that covers one of the secondary theatres of war,  being that of Egypt and Palestine.  I've got the Official History volumes somewhere.  Which I haven't read yet.  Another three volumes to add to the Book Mountain!

     "After the battle of the Canal in 1915, the defeated Turks escaped with their guns across 130 miles of desert to Beersheba, and pockets of the enemy still roamed the desert throughout the year of 1916.  From defensive posts our machine guns often accompanied fighting columns into the mountains amidst the arid wastes of Sinai."

  Art!

We'll come back to this

Somewhat forbidding: mountains in Sinai

"The Sea Of Sand"

Now the fan fiction begins.  As you recall, there's nothing left of either Mersa Martuba or the dig at Makin Al-Jinni, much to Professor Templeman's sorrow.

Sarah began to edge to the rear of the desert car, preparing herself for a dart around the corner of the TARDIS, only to be forestalled by the Doctor, who looked uncharacteristically serious.

          ‘Tenente.  Consider what you have experienced over the past few days.  Look at your command – reduced from dozens of men to one soldier and a single vehicle.’

          Doretti spat over the side of the Sahariana.

          ‘Monsters!’ he swore.

          ‘Ah-ah,’ denied the Doctor, shaking his head.  ‘Precious few monsters.  Mostly the products of a monstrous system.  A system and civilisation based on exploitation, oppression and casual murder.  Does that sound particularly relevant or close to home, Tenente?’

          Dominione’s cheeks burnt crimson.  This alleged time-traveller from the future was criticising the Italian Fascist state!

          ‘Germany loses, you know,’ chirped Sarah.  ‘Over-run by the Russians and the British and Americans.  Of course that’s after Italy gets fought over by the Allies and the Germans after it surrenders.’

          Doretti stared at Sarah, then at his officer.

          ‘Yes, thank you Sarah!’ added the Doctor.  ‘The whole war will take a major turn for the worse when Germany invades the Soviet Union in less than three months.  Twenty-second of June of this year, Tenente.  The Italian Eighth Army ends up destroyed in the Stalingrad battles.  Oh, not forgetting when America joins in the war.’

     O that gel!  She's put the temporal cat amongst the pigeons.

More Cause For Salty Chips In The Underground Bunker

Heh.  Conrad has just seen a rather telling sidebar on the BBC Science page, which gives him a warm feeling of schadenfreude.  Art!

     Awwww, quickly, a hanky for Dimya!

     I mean, it's not as if we're ever going to run out of wind, are we?  Even if, on occasion, we get gales coming in from distant Siberia.  That would really melt You Know Who's pan.

Crikey!

Conrad is still being coy about where he's working and exactly what he's doing, apart from the fact that it's within an office suite in the AO Arena building, and it involves a LOT of telephone talking.  My throat is beginning to settle down, just, even if I have to sip a lot of water during the day.  Not too much - one has an almost two-hour journey home, after all.  Delicacy prevents me going into detail.

     An e-mail has done the rounds today, warning that 'Call avoidance' is considered Gross Misconduct and if you commit this heinous act, you'll be called into a disciplinary and fired; they sugar the pill by calling it an "End of assignment outcome" but yep, you'll be fired.

IT IS VERY BAD!  VERY BAD INDEED!

Finally -

Sam, the all-knowing all-wise trainer, warned me this afternoon that there's ANOTHER event at the Dog Buns! Arena tomorrow.  If I want to get out the front entrance it'll mean packing my Dinky Little Manbag.  O well.