I Have Another Youtube Reddit Tale Of Woe For You
This one was narrated by Original Poster telling a tale of his brother in law, an avocado farmer in California. Yes, there are people who farm avocados; they may grow on trees but the trees need tending. The fact that it took place in the Sunshine State is also important. Art!
The Guvnah of California
Okay, blatant click-bait out of the way. One day BIL discovered that part of his avocado plantation was on fire, which is bad as avocados don't cook very well, and when the fires were extinguished, it was discovered that a downed power line had set fire to his fencing and crops. Art!
BIL discovered that the guilty party was a quarry, who had put up the power lines and were thus responsible for upkeep and maintenance, and made a polite request for compensation, totalling $60,000.
Stupid Quarry Management snickered evilly (I imagine, nobody was there to witness it) and told him to 1) Do one, and 2) Sue them if he didn't like Option 1).
This was a major error on their part, because BIL's wife (OP's sister) was an attorney specialising in the defence of utility companies guilty of EXACTLY the same misconduct as the quarry and SQM. She didn't represent him, although she did put together a kit of what he needed, what he ought to do, and a reputable lawyer. Art!
"Bring the thunder!"
SQM refused to negotiate on the $60K, so the case did indeed go to trial, which must have caused an unpleasant sinking feeling in the collective stomachs of SQM, because they then realised that the problem was NOT going to just go away.
I mentioned this happened in California, didn't I? The Californian state legislature takes agricultural offences verrrrry seriously, so they carried out their own investigation, which calculated the total damage to BIL's property as - waitforitwaitforit - $335,000.
That's not all. California courts will triple the damages in cases that involve damage to agricultural property, so the total bill was now $1,005,000. Art!
By now SQM realised they were on a hiding to nothing and immediately settled out of court for the amount stated, fearful that the courts would add possible punitive damages and stiff them for millions, plural, rather than singular. Doing this meant no recourse to appeal. So they ended up paying 17 times what BIL had originally asked for thanks to being spectacularly dense, and paying court costs on top of that, to fail. BIL's sister, the attorney, was baffled at why they didn't just settle immediately, and that they didn't seem to have done either due diligence or discovery, because either or both of those would have revealed that they were going to lose. Sorry - LOSE.
Despite the lawyer taking a cut, BIL had enough left over to repair the damage, pay off the whole mortgage on his farm and pay off a sizeable chunk of his (large) house mortgage. He said it would have taken him over a decade to sell that worth of avocados.
CAUTION! Avoid slicing hand when slicing avocado*.
Giving Them A Kicking Whilst They're Down
If you want a real-life example of a man who grabbed a tiger by the tail, look no further than the Fun-sized Foot Fiddler, because he dare not call of the Ruffian Special Idiotic Operation for fear of suddenly flying out of a window or drinking a pot of polonium tea out of the spout. Despite the long-term damage being inflicted on the Ruffian economy, Peter The Average can't let go of that tiger tail. Art!
Then it ate him.
Enough waffle - let us look at a few economic indicators, as described by Joe Blogs on his vlog.
CURRENT ACCOUNT: This is quite a narrow measurement of economic activity, being the difference between total exports and total imports, ignoring factors like defence spending (a hot ticket item in today's Ruffia!). Ruffia has always been a net exporter, and in Q1 of 2022 their current account stood at $73 billion. That quarter, of course, only included five weeks of the Special Needs Military Operation.
In Q1 of 2023, the current account now stands at $18 billion. So, still a surplus, but down 73% from last year.
THE RUBLE: The trolls, fanbois and Krembots aren't lauding it over how resilient the ruble is and therefore how sanctions don't work, any longer, and will probably blush and change the subject rapidly if it comes up. From June of 2022, the ₽ stood at 50 to the dollar. It's now 78 to the dollar, because the Central Bank can't afford to keep spending it's reserves to prop it up any longer. Art!
Ruble or rubble? Only you can tell!
Further Frothing About Eurovision
DOG BUNS! Why don't they just call it "Worldvision" and have done - sorry, what's that? There's already an organisation called "Worldvision"?. O. Perhaps that answers that question. Art!
NO! Azerbaijan is in the Caucasus and is nowhere near Europe. Art!
BAH! Estonia is one of the Baltic states. Yes, by tradition they look to the West and have done so since the days of the Hanseatic League BUT THEY'RE NOT EUROPE!
Finland is part of Scandinavia. It's even further away from Europe than Estonia, although their languages are mutually intelligible, which was a source of worry for the Sinisters during the Cold War, as th
Conrad will have to stop posting before his blood pressure spikes.
"The Sea Of Sand"
Things are coming to a conclusion as the last few surviving bio-vores try to get to the Mediterranean and it's vast stocks of biomorphic energy.
‘Yes, thank you!’ grated
Tecwalata. His eyes fell upon the human
transport vehicle nearby. Fell,
understood and gloated.
What
a perfect opportunity! Just as their own
vehicle ceased to function, here was a replacement. These human vehicles utilised exothermic
liquids as fuel, a fuel that was in plentiful supply here in the depot. Not only that, a human vehicle would allow
them to approach the coastline in perfect safety, unrecognised as aliens! They could get to the sea easily and rapidly!
‘The
dead human was trying to reach the transport vehicle, Sub-Technician,’ declared
another technician. ‘This device was in
it’s hand.’
Tecwalata
took the proffered tiny template, a ridged spur jutting from a circular
handle. From a slot in the handle
dangled a short length of string and a paper tag.
DANGER!
NOT TO BE USED!”
As bad ideas go, this act of turning an ignition key is about one of the worst possible ones. You'll see why tomorrow.
"Storm Shadow"
I know, I know, it sounds like a poorly-named superhero or secret agent from the Sixties, doesn't it?
In fact it's one of these. Art!
Provided by Britain!
These puppies have a range of 220 miles and come in a version weighing in at a ton-and-a-half. Once launched from an aircraft they drop to adopt nap-of-the-earth flying, coming under radar. When near the target they adopt a ballistic trajectory and come down in a terminal dive, the hardest flight profile for anti-aircraft defences to counter.
They are already in Ukraine, which will make the Ruffian generals go pale around the gills, because their range puts everything behind the Ruffian front lines in range. All that kit which was moved 50 miles back to be out of HIMARS range? Well now it's in range again. Now including the Kerch Bridge.
<rubs hands and tweaks moustache>
With that we are done and I'm off to stir my Ukrainian stew. Later!
* Doctors and medical staff call this injury 'Avocado Hand', which is worrying, because it happens often enough to get a name.
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