And If You Did Nobody Would Believe You
UNLESS THERE WAS VIDEO PROOF.
No, I'm not talking about the White Wyrack or that Judge Crater was abducted by the Greys, I refer -
What's that? You've never heard of the 'White Wyrack'? Not surprising, it's a species native to Poland that's on the brink of extinction. Art!
Artist's Impression
They lived in factory chimneys on an undetermined diet (except there were fewer cats, dogs and tramps in their vicinity than usual), and since the Poles shook off the Sinister yoke and diversified from heavy industry, there are a lot fewer factory chimneys.
No, I am referring to the current trial of Alex Jones, that unlovely barrel-shaped piece of human waste. If you recall, he is being sued for defamation by the parents of children murdered at Sandy Hook, which he proclaimed on his radio show as a false flag operation by the South Canadian government, with actors playing parents and no dead children at all <pause to hawk and spit>. He has already been found guilty; the current trial is to determine how much he pays in damages. Art
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| Deer in the headlights look |
For a little more detail, Jones denied having any text messages about Sandy Hook on his phone. Bankston, the prosecution attorney, proved that Jones lied because - he's got all those non-existent text messages.
As Farron pointed out on his show - he's not a lawyer but has worked with them for ages - when the errant digital file arrived in Bankston's in-box, he immediately replied to Jones' lawyers, questioning if they wanted him to delete this file due to attorney-client privilege? That was on Day One. He then had to wait ten days, after which, with no reply, he could legally read the files.
Ooopsie.
Now, it should be noted that if the file was sent deliberately, then the responsible lawyer would face potential disbarment. However, it was noted that when parents of murdered children gave testimony, some of Jones' own lawyers were in tears. And another commenter posited that the leak could be blamed on whomever admin assistant had left recently, because they couldn't be disbarred and it wouldn't be worth the time and money to prosecute them. Art!
An annoyed and disgusted Judge Maya Gamble
Jones has repeatedly tried to turn the trial into an episode of his radio show, with the judge above repeatedly smacking him down, especially when he went outside during a recess to give an impromptu 'press conference'.
This is hugely unwise. As Devin Stone of the "Legal Eagle" Youtube channel said, if the judge makes a joke, you laugh. They are the big dog in the courtroom and getting on the wrong side of them never ends well. Jones will regret crossing her.
Then there's the total fine to be imposed. The prosecution are asking for a frankly unbelievable £115 million. Wellllll originally it was unbelievable, but that's one seriously ticked-off judge and the real question is becoming will it only be millions or tens of millions?
The whole thing is going to be made into a film, believe me. I can write a treatment for £75,000, you know.
Conrad The Ingenious
As you may have heard of late, Conrad has acquired a taste for tonic water, which for the uninitiated is carbonated and flavoured and without sweeteners (THANK YOU DIABETES). Best served over diced lemon and lime and left for twenty minutes to acquire their citrus-y flavours. Art!
Trouble with this bottle was that it had been violently agitated and was thus under such pressure there was no way to unscrew the cap. Conrad had an idea. Art!
Stab it with a sharp knife. I took precautions by standing it in the sink. One stab and a loud hissing noise later I could unscrew the cap!
Yes yes yes, very much "Small earth tremor in Wigan" but I got a bottle of tonic water out of it.
On The Theme Of 'Barriers'
Yes, back to the BBC's photographic exhibition, with inimitable comments from Your Humble Scribe*. Art!
Courtesy Mark Stubbs
Mark decided black and white was the way to go in homage to the days when the South Canadians invented barbed wire. You may associate it with the First Unpleasantness and trench warfare, but it was introduced in South Canada to keep cattle within ranch limits as an affordable alternative to hedges or wooden rails.
Talking Of Unpleasantness
Let's get back to "The Sea Of Sand" where killer alien technology is on the loose in February of 1941.
A ragged salvo of shots rang
out from the soldiers crouched in the trench, their bullets ricocheting from
the opaque black monster with no visible effect.
Glass! realised the Doctor, seeing flakes and chips fly off
the matte surface under the bullet’s impact.
A machine composed of fused silicon dioxide. If he could get close enough with the sonic
screwdriver then he might be able to shatter the tank-like machine.
Rumbling slowly forwards, the machine lashed out with it’s
arms and caught another soldier in the trench, once again causing him to
shrivel and waste away into rags and papery remnants.
Hmm. Perhaps getting
close isn’t really viable, realised the Doctor, sorting out possible
alternatives that didn’t involve dying suddenly.
The surviving soldiers abandoned their trench and ran
backwards, loosing off more ineffectual shots.
Captain Dobie levelled his Webley and emptied the chambers, gritting his
teeth with determination.
‘Bulletproof, damn it!’ he cursed. ‘Fall back!
Fall back and watch out for the two on the flanks.’
The various trucks, light tanks, armoured cars and scout
vehicles of J Force were now revving their engines and manouvering in the
narrow roadway. Captain Jolyon stood up
in the lead car, a captured Italian Sahariana, and aimed a Lewis machine gun
from the shoulder. He fired over the
heads of the soldiers now running towards him, only to see the tracer rounds
bounce off the attacker.
Cripes! Things are looking a little desperate.
I Thought I'd Try A Little Experiment
By opening my Brewer's** at a random page, and GREAT SQUEAKING BATS! what do I read as the first entry? "The Demon Bowler" which was a nickname given to F R Spofforth, whom it says " - enjoyed a fearsome reputation in his day." First hat trick in a Test Match, whatever that means. Art!
Probably Conrad's favourite novel
The thing is, Ol' Spoffy is a plot point in the novel above. Injured tank crews, officers or other ranks, have to pass a medical test to get back into active service with the 3rd Droghedas***. Part of this is a hearing test, where the MO says a word that the testee has to repeat back to him. However, one of the officers discovered that the MO was a massive cricket fan and his test words were all famous bowlers, of which Ol' Spoffy was one. So he aced the test despite having dodgy hearing.
"Gunner! AP, panzer at two hundred yards - fire!"
Dog Buns yer eyes, I'm going to have to dig it out and re-read it.
Finally -
We're already at the Adjusted Compositional Ton, so what else can I say? Only that today has been my day off because I'm working Saturday, so consider yourselves lucky. Of course, by 20th August this won't be a problem as my job will then be done by someone in Mumbai.
* Who, after all, would ever want to copy me?
** Short for "Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable" and one of the best £5 ever spent
*** Fictional regiment. Don't try looking them up.
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