BOOJUM!: Ion Maiden

"Conrad Narrowed His Eyes Menacingly"

Hoping, in his fond imagination, that this made him look fearfully hard and not like a person suffering from a migraine. I AM WARNING YOU! because the Remote Nuclear Detonator stands ready for anyone quibbling about today's title. Am I not master of the English language? Yes I am, before you get any sarky remarks in.

Okay, I know what you're thinking*, so let's get rid of a few ambiguities first. Art!

You need a better moisturiser, mate

IM were one of a cluster of British metal bands that came into existence back in the Eighties, in what "Sounds" delighted in calling the "New Wave Of British Heavy Metal" and they're still going, if somewhat slower than they used to be. That repulsive character above is known as "Eddie" and is their mascot, widely used in promotional material and publicity.

Here an aside. There's even a brand of beer that features his unlovely presence, which Conrad confesses some curiosity about. Art!

Right then, we've established that this Intro has nothing to do with the band. Nor is it anything to do with one of these - Art!

You get the idea - victim goes inside and then the doors are closed. Not so much a torture device as a killing one, because being impaled upon multiple spikes simultaneously is known to be bad for a prolonged life prognosis.

No, what we're on about today is one of the most famous Poles in history, a lady known as Marie Curie. She was born in Poland and studied there at the Flying University - an underground education institution that secretly taught Poles what the Ruffians would not allow - before moving to France and becoming a naturalised French citizen. Art!

She was one of the pioneers into radioactive research, helped along by hubbo Pierre, and discovered both radium and polonium - the latter named after Poland, because she never forgot her Polish roots; she had her daughters visit Poland and made sure they spoke the language. Uniquely, she won two Nobel awards, which is being a bit greedy if you ask me. One was for Physics, due to her work on radioactivity, and the later one was in Chemistry, for her work on radium, polonium and thorium. These things have isotopes and are full of ions, right? So that's where today's title comes from.

In a horrible irony, her death at 66 was due to severe health problems incurred by working with radioactive substances, since the risks of doing so were completely unknown when she and Pierre began their experimentation. Art!

Marie and Pierre

Motley! I thirst. Go fetch me a glass of Irn Bru.

Not A Thing I'd Ever Considered

Welcome to the wonderful world of - Art?

OIL RIG DISMANTLING!

When you stop to think about it, it does make sense. An oil rig, like other marine engineering constructs, will have a useful lifetime, after which maintenance costs will become prohibitive as bits break down - or off - and it's ability to operate is compromised.

What then? Previously these rigs were taken from Scottish waters and towed all the way to India, quite a feat in itself. Once beached they'd be cut up by cheap sweatshop labour working in horribly unsafe conditions, with nil provision for dealing with chemical contamination. The ones above are now being towed to a breaker's yard in Turkey with appropriate certification, which, again, I'll bet you never stopped to think about before. Art!

From One Sea To Another

"The Sea Of Sand" that is. As you should so surely recall, The Doctor, Albert and Professor Templeman were watching a dlozen alien machines excavate sand from the dig they had been working on.

Similar in function to piping and pumping equipment used to bring Titanic back to the surface in fact - or was that in the next century?

The appearance of these modified machines bespoke a responsive intelligence, able to react to the long shrouding of the site with sand. An intelligence, moreover, that had only recently become aware. Or else why had the whole site been left to abandonment?

"I think we ought to leave," said Albert, visibly nervous.

"Tch!" scorned The Doctor. "I make the mean speed of those machines at twenty miles per hour over loose sand. How fast can you travel? Three miles per hour? Six? you wouldn't even get to the rim before they ran you down."

Albert stared back accusingly.

"You said they weren't dangerous!"

The Doctor nodded.

"Certainly. As long as we remain here. A vehicle only six feet tall cannot surmount an eight foot perpendicular step."

Albert acknowledge the truth of this by looking embarrassed. Professor Templeman continued to look at the excavation taking place beyond their refuge.

"Remarkable!" he murmured. "Look at that, the work of months done in hours."

The diligent machines slowly cleared sand away from a collection of structures, moving it to half a dozen different locations around the complex, from where it was carried by pipe and ejected over the wall of the sand basin.

Still not very sinister - yet. I know, I know, I used that line yesterday. Just wait!

Conrad: Still Furiously Angry

So what's new? And, as ever, it's the Codeword solutions that continue to irk me. How they irk!

Ho ho. That's Art being funny. The River Irk. Don't give up the day job.

"IMBUE": Defined as 'to instil or inspire" in my Collins Concise, and it predictably derives from Latin <hack spit> which is as far as we're going in that direction. Another word only used by poets of pseuds. Art!

A Centurion tank, which would imbue fear in the opposition

"EXCHEQUER": GRRRRR a word that includes both "X" and "Q"? This is technically the accounting department of the British Treasury, and it comes from the French <small hooray!> "Eschequier". I believe in turn that this word comes from the checkerboard pattern of a large sheet laid out so that funds could be allocated to specific tasks or purposes. Art!

"JAMB": Really, this is getting ridiculous. Another word derived from French, namely "Jambe" meaning 'Leg', since this refers to the vertical component of a frame such as that of a door or window. Fair enough BUT SHOULD NOT BE A CODEWORD SOLUTION. Art!

Sounds painful

The Mighty TOG 2

There was a rather daft question on Quora I came across earlier today, asking "What was the biggest tank?" with the distinct impression that the Quoran in question thought bigger was better. This is definitely NOT the case with tanks; beyond a certain size and weight you get severe problems with engines, being able to use bridges, being able to mount on a railway low-loader and being able to traverse the turret on less than level ground. There is that monstrosity the "Maus" which proves that the Teutons have a sense of humour. Art!