I Just Blitzed Through A "The Metro" Cryptic No Problem
It was by way of working up to a very unusual one, the crossword at the heart of the Lord Peter Wimsey story "The Fascinating Problem Of Uncle Meleager's Will", where the crossword in question had been compiled by Dorothy Sayers herself. Art!
The grey squares are where the clues about the location of Uncle Meleager's will are hidden.
Simples, right?
Not so fast, squire! Dot Sayers came from a classically-educated background and she was fluent in Latin <hack spit> which we all know Conrad detests, and Greek, too <hack hack spit spit> which is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ALPHABET. So, how are the clues laid out? As rhyming couplets that refer to Greek and Roman literature. Here's one of the less cryptic ones:
I.1: "Foolish or wise, yet one remains alone,
'Twixt Strength and Justice on a heavenly throne."
I did wonder about "Foolish or wise" as a reference to the virgins of that ilk, but there are only 5 letters, so it's not that. Art!
Clever old bag
"VIRGO"? Probably not. There is a solution printed at the end of the story, which I have covered up with a large sheet of paper so as not to accidentally see a solution, because Conrad is scrupulously honest and upright*. Your Humble Scribe thinks he will have to stoop to Googling that line about Strength and Justice. Lord Peter and his party had the recourse of their public school education and a very large library, all I've got is me.
Some ten minutes later, absolutely no luck with Googling this. Could it be one of a list of heavenly virtues? The only one that fits is "FAITH" yet that doesn't fit the clue that I can see. Art!
Faith (along with Hope and Charity) over Malta
I might have to weaken and see if I can look at this solution and only this one on the completed version. You see, Dot Ol' gel, you see? What you write in 1932 has been passed by.
Motley, fetch me some crockery and a lump hammer, for I have a temper to work off!
Conrad Investigates
Possibly. You know what a sucker I am for Youtube Reddit channels, and I came across one that had the intriguing title "What's The Strangest Unsolved Mystery?" and OF COURSE I simply had to watch it. Having a first run-through some urban legends have crept in, which can simply be debunked, but how about this one - Art!
I have no idea what this refers to, however, if you are so desperate to avoid airport security that you jump the perimeter fence, then you are very probably mixed up in highly nefarious matters and will seek to never come up on law enforcement radar ever ever ever. Wonder what a quick Google would bring up?
Well well Alex Graham Bell - this is the case of Lars Mittank, who vanished from Varna Airport in Bulgaria, who ran into the forest outside the airport in July 2014 and was never seen again. Not even remains have been found. Nobody knows why he did it.
Weasels. Definitely gotta be the weasels.
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
Because it's been a while since we did one of these, and we have potentially 139 Ukrainian readers who have no idea what's going on here, except that Conrad detests Tsar Poutine, let me clarify. We review films based solely on the title, and maybe what the poster looks like, so don't expect carefully crafted deathless prose. If you want that, go read Mark Kermode. Let the excoriation begin!
"NOPE": Yup. By Jordan Peale, who has established quite a reputation. No idea what this one is about, though it's a bit risky of the studios to put up such a negative title and expect people to still go watch it. "Nope" - is it the dope or just old rope? Art!
Keep watching the skies! Kee - O you are doing.
"BULLET TRAIN": I believe that the Nipponese bullet trains are insanely fast locomotives and passenger coaches that travel at close to Mach One, and which have an ogive on the locomotive to deal with wind resistance issues and cows on the track. Art!
Number one with a
Still, Conrad cannot see much mileage in a documentary about high-speed Japanese trains. One for the railway modeller crowd. I think Brad Pitt narrates it or something. He's involved, anyway. Art!
Brad and fellow voice artists. Must be an anime - that would make sense.
"THE GRAY MAN": Another dubious title, frankly. What, is this a comedy about The World's Most Boring Man? "He gets up, goes to work, comes home and goes to bed!" the tagline? You could sustain that for a few scenes, not a whole film. Really, Hollywood must be desperate. Art!
How hilarious. A red colour palette.
Excuse me, just dining on date-expired hummus and stale rice crackers. That feta I had for breakfast proved nicely matured with a Best By date of January 2022. Food safety dates - a challenge not a warning!
Back To "The Sea Of Sand"
Last we met, The Doctor was approaching the sinister dig at Makkin Al-Jinni, on his own, to see if the three archaeologists were still hale and hearty. Or not.
He brought his sonic screwdriver out of a pocket and trained it on the driver's side-window, moving slowly up through the frequencies until the whole glass panel suddenly became opaque with a sharp ping, a fan of crystalline traceries spreading across the pane. The whole window fell outwards in a spray of glass fragments, allowing hot desert air to flood into the cab.
"Forewarned, if not forearmed," he muttered to the desert sands. The small arc of tents remained deserted, their fabric flapping in the breeze. No signs of life there. On the other hand, there were three trails leading from the excavation, tracks that ramped over the walls of the basin sheltering the dig, heading off towards the Forward Supply Depot. Those three alien devices came from further within the site, then.
Slowly, listening carefully to whatever sounds the wind carried, The Doctor moved along the track that led to the dig.
Nothing. No sound of any movement or working at all. No sound of human voices either, which worried him. If the expeditionary trio had survived, they'd be busy discussing their survival.
Arriving at the lip of the sand basin, he lay carefully on the sands and crawled forwards, until the excavated buildings of Makin Al-Jinni lay before his gaze. Once again, coming back after viewing endless vistas of sand or crude clay buildings, or piled pyramids of military supplies, once again he felt struck by the other-worldliness of the complex.
Before you ask, no, I have no idea what the significance of shattering a cab window has. It probably seemed like a good idea at the time, and then there was gin.
Finally -
I have been following a Youtube channel run by one Ryan McBeth, ex-sergeant in the South Canadian armed forces and an anti-armour specialist, even if he mis-spells it as 'anti-armor' <shakes head resignedly>. I made a query on his Twitter channel and he came back with a reply very quickly, and then I noticed that Prof. Peter Caddick-Adams also follows Ryan. You know, the chap who wrote that book I was banging on about yesteryon. Of course - obviously! - I sneered at the Coincidence Hydra thanks to my armoured underwear**. Art!
Ryan in younger days
* LIES! <the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand>
** Also discovered the Prof has an autobiography of both Monty and Rommel <wallet squeaks in anguish>
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