What's That? You Don't Recall Candles?
How very odd, because Conrad went on at length about them yesteryon. A long Intro going on about candles <fingers twitch ever closer to the Remote Nuclear Detonator> and the problems of burning one at both ends for more illumination. Yes yes yes, you'd do it if you only had one candle but wanted twice the light. Cut the candle in twain? Be my guest, cutting a wax candle in half is quite tricky enough without having to use a knife heated up until it glows red hot. Art!
This, gentle reader, is a 'horizontal candle' and it interfered with my search results yesteryon. The sales blurb alleges that it will burn for 80 hours and that you need only pay £107 for it. No thanks, I prefer flipping a light-switch.
ANYWAY there Your Humble Scribe sat, sweating mightily, for it's hot today and I don't fancy putting my fan on, since it sounds like a 747 is simultaneously taking off and falling apart. Then, into my head popped a mysterious phrase: "Stig's Inferno".
You can tell thanks to the emboldened and pinkified text that it's a genuine media title. Conrad used to see adverts for it in the back of "Those Annoying Post Brothers" thirty-odd years ago and knew nothing more than that. Why did it pop up in my consciousness this afternoon? I have no idea. Art!
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| I think Stig's in trouble. Just a smidgeon. |
Of course I Googled for it, and found a couple of reader reviews. Here's one that impressed me:
Well, I've got TAPB and lots of "Love And Rockets". Next thing you know, I've found a link to a free set of all 8 volumes. Your Humble Scribe had to check it out first, you cannot trust comic editors not to do a bait-and-switch between cover and interior "The Terminator" I'm looking at you. Art!
I know how I'm going to be spending time this evening.
Back To Being 'Barriered'
And if that wasn't a word before, it is now. NO ARGUING! because who has the Remote Nuclear Detonator?
Quite. These photographs, of course - obviously! - are from the BBC's exhibition of same, on the theme of 'Barriers. So far barbed wire seems a tad over-represented. Art!
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| Courtesy Verna Evans |
Blimey, you couldn't make it up, could you? "I'm in the Toad Patrol!" proudly boasted Mister Smiggleswurth, aged 97, of Hampton Dibney. Wellllll, we've already had "Rat Patrol" and "Puppy Patrol" so perhaps it's time for the Bufo Bufo to have it's moment.
There's A Joke In Here Somewhere
Whilst doing my usual Sunday afternoon trudge into Royton and the Co-Op yesteryon, I was struck by two buildings standing on the opposite side of Rochdale Road, and since I had my camera handy - Art!
Both buildings used to be banks; the one on the corner still tries to look like a Barclays and surely has a trickle of confused pensioners trying to cash a cheque every week. The building opposite Barclays used to be a bank, too, except it's now an accountants, which is too boring to bother taking a picture of. In fact there are no banks or building societies left in Royton. Show you the money? Sorry, nowhere to do so.
Back To "The Sea Of Sand"
Blimey, Conrad completely forgot about updating this blog, busy having a shower and watching some bonkers Youtube channels about <redacted> doing <redacted> in <redacted> Norks!
Back to the top of the twenty foot high pile, and he
spotted what was needed; the Vickers light tank, currently revving like mad and
driving up and down the main roadway.
Checking the position of the intruder, the Doctor once more sprinted
over to the light tank, knocking politely on the small turret. A worried-looking young man wearing a black
beret popped up from the hatch like a jack-in-the-box.
‘Could you move forward five hundred yards, and
point your guns to fire north along one of the lanes in the supply dump? We’re going to box the killer in.’
Shrugging, as if to deny any responsibility, the
officer sank back into the tank, which headed off to take up position five
hundred yards away. The whole of the
small armoured vehicle swung to face north.
‘Excellent!’ chuckled the Doctor. With a tinge of apprehension he saw Captain
Jolyon driving another Sahariana, this one mounting a captured Breda cannon.
‘Captain,’ he gasped after running and catching the
car. ‘Excuse me – I’ve set up two of
your vehicles to box the killer tank in.
You need to drive north along the cleared lane to the left of that
armoured car, and have this formidable-looking sidearm pointed east.’
More flexible of mind that Dobie, Captain Jolyon
merely nodded and drove carefully around the milling vehicles to get to the
Doctor’s suggested location. The abrupt
dual rattle of the Vickers tank’s two machine guns warned that the killer
“tank” had tried to move outside the no-go zone. Seconds later the echoing bang of the Boyes
told that it had tried to escape on that side.
The commander of the light tank was quick enough to realise what had happened,
and moved his tank backwards along the roadway, guns once again pointing north
along another clear lane between the supplies.
The area the alien machine could move in was suddenly reduced.
The Doctor is, inevitably, going to make himself a target by being so perspicacious and predictive. Art!
A Sahariana with a Breda
Let The Effluvium Flow!
In case you were wondering, it means "An unpleasant exudation or emission" and probably has the same root as "Effluent" but it's too disgustrous for me to bother chasing up.
To what do I refer? Why, the BBC's 'Have Your Say' because the ballfoot season has begun again, which means people are ladling vitriol over the various teams involved.
I should point out that Conrad himself has absolutely no interest in the game and thus does not back one side nor another. He just appreciates the scabrous insults that fans trade. Let us see - Art!
It was 3,900 last I checked, and is about a ballfoot game between The Manchester United and The Ballfoot Club With The Improbably Long Name Of Brighton And Hove Albion. Popular! Can we find any pearls of poison wit?
NO! Your Humble Scribe is down as BOOJUM! so this is nothing to do with me.
This is another trope, that match officials and the "Virtual Assistant Referee" are egregiously biased for/against A Particular Team. There was a referee called Harry Webb IIRC, who was often accused of being The Manchester United's Twelfth Man. Not borne up by the evidence but it makes people's frothing feel more alive.
The root of a whole lotta evil
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