NO!
This is nothing about raining ICBMs down on Sinister Union 2.0 - more formally known here at BOOJUM! as 'Ruffia' - because that is A VERY BAD IDEA and you are all extremely wicked for even thinking about thinking about it.
Nor is it anything to do with that Ramones album, which, if Art can rouse himself from his coal-and-coke induced stupor -
NOISE! LOTSA NOISE! AND GEETARS! LOTS OF GEETARS!
Conrad's probably heard a track or two from it, yet he was never a fan of The Ramones - SHOCK HORROR HOW CAN THIS BE! - so he's not even going to bother checking the track listings.
O you know I can't resist. I checked and yes, I have heard "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker", so there we are.
Here a musical aside. I'm playing music as I type this, because having a television program on is far too distracting and it prolongs the blog into a three-hour marathon, and the first track that came up was "I'm Not In Love" by 10 CC. Art! Less coal more goal!
This was always a bit of the musical background to Your Humble Scribe, thanks to being a Number One hit, so it was a slight revelation to read how the band managed to boost three singing voices to a choir equivalent to 624 people, and realise that there's no rhythm track. Of more interest to Conrad was the <shivers> female voice-over <slobbers lasviciously>, whom he guessed was a professional voice-artist.
Not a bit of it! She was Kathy Redfern, the band's secretary, who happened to pop her head into the studio whilst they were trying to determine what voice-over to use. Art!
Kath.
Phew! Because that reminds me of another aside - BE PATIENT WE'RE GETTING THERE - from the original "The Andromeda Strain" where James Olson's character tries to flirt with the seductive-voiced instructor speaking over the intercom.
Dr. Mark Hall:
Sorry... Her voice is quite luscious.
Answering Service Supervisor:
Well, the voice belongs to Miss Gladys Stevens, who is 63 years old. She lives in Omaha and makes her living taping messages for voice-reminder systems.
Dr. Mark Hall:
[slightly sarcastic] Much obliged.
Thank heavens for Kathy.
 |
| Who's laughing now, Hally? |
O right. Conrad has recently purchased the whole series of "The War Illustrated" because Bonus! and would like to invite you to admire one of his new collection*. Art!
In rather better nick than the old charity-shop edition I had. Note, too, that this one has the Index, which some <loud swearing> had torn out of the C-SE. Here you can see the cover picture of edition 156, with an archetypically cheerful Tommy escorting a party of Teuton prisoners. Most look a bit glum, apart from that chap on the right, who seems quite happy to be a PoW. Decent food, medical care and not having to risk death on a daily basis, one supposes. Art!
Take notice of the upper port photograph, and what seems to be a Hurricane fighter balanced on a stair-lift. This is actually a Catapult-Armed Merchantman, which we have covered before, but not for ages. The Hurricane is kept on deck of a freighter, which is part of one of the convoys to the Sinister Union in the days before Perfidious Albion had enough aircraft carriers to send as escort. The Hurri will be 'launched' if any Teuton recon aircraft come stooging around, thanks to being mounted on a rocket-sled. It takes off at 1,500 m.p.h. and intercepts said Teuton aircraft, shoots it down and then -
Ditches in the sea as close to a ship as possible, pilot crossing his fingers manfully that he gets picked up before freezing to death. Art!
 |
| On wings of fire, hmmm? |
Conrad has to wonder who on earth they got to test this infernal devices, and how much gin they had to ingest before getting into the cockpit.
So, maybe only a Rocket Towards Russia, but close enough for our intent.
Rather Less Rambunctious
At least I hope so, I've typed out the title without checking the picture first. Yes, we are back on the BBC's 'On The Water' theme, so if Art won't mind doing the business -
Courtesy Katherine Wilkins
This is the photographer's daughter having a paddle in wellington boots of dubious waterproof value. She will have noticed how cold the water is, since this in the depths of winter.
"The Sea Of Sand"
Good or bad, there's about twice the word-count present here as compared to "Tormentor", and we're only just getting into the beginning. Setting the scene is important to proper authors, and Conrad too.
The absence of any style or
decoration puzzled him, too. No
heiroglyphs, no pictograms, not lettering or embellishment of any sort. It was possible that applique decorations had
originally been painted onto the black material, and been worn away, revealing
the starkly functional architecture. No
personality, that was how he defined it.
Nothing but what was strictly necessary.
Overall,
the site so far demonstrated that same lack of personality. Normally on a dig there were finds,
artefacts, remnants of the builder’s lifestyle or the people who used the
buildings. Not here. Not so much as a single pot sherd had come to
light. Fulgoni didn’t believe that the
six Egyptian and two Libyans had absconded with armfuls of relics, whatever
Professor Templeman might say, as a reason the site had been bare. One welcome change from every other site in
the desert he’d visited, and Cairo too for that matter, was the absence of
flies. The absence of flies he could put
up with in this strange collection of buildings.
And the scale! The size of the steps leading up to the interior of The Temple meant an undignified scramble by the expedition members. Finally Professor Templeman refused to embarrass his dignity (and his considerable size) any longer and a wooden scaffold had been erected, when the Egyptians were still around to build it. Steps so large a man would have to be a giant to use them.
O what can this mean? Demons? Aliens? Prehistoric super-civilisations? You'll just have to keep reading to find out.
It's My Calling. It's My -
As we should all realise by now, Conrad is one of those saddoes who peruse the product aisles in supermarkets for pun-worthy pictures. Don't carp at this, we've not bothered with the chemical contents of shampoo for an age. Art!
 |
| Eye-catching design |
I have no idea what it will taste like. The only beers that I refuse to drink, on the grounds that cocoa can be cack, are those with a chocolate flavour. If I do buy one of those I may palm it off on Darling Daughter or Quiet Tom. Heh.
Finally -
I keep forgetting about those remaindered crumpets. DOG BUNS! I hate having to throw out bread products when they go mouldy. Methinks I shall have to forego today's porridge and indulge in six crumpets with Marmite-flavoured peanut butter. That will be a Breakfast Of Champions indeed - MFPB has a filling quality beyond it's merely physical presence on your toast.
And with that, Vulnavia, we are O so very done.
* I have 8 books lined up already to give away in order to satisfy the One-In One-Out principle
No comments:
Post a Comment