It Behoves Us At Christmastime -
To be charitable and remember those less fortunate than ourselves, such as the employees of the Mordor Tourist Board, who have a difficult job at the best of times, and a much harder one at this time of year, since everyone is clucking loudly about peace and goodwill to all men (and presumably some of the women, too). Mottoes such as the infamous "A hike in Mordor makes Tough Mudder feel like a walk in the park" are kind of hard to live down. Art!
Here Conrad would like to jump imagination-tracks so sharply we risk a mental derailment*. For we jump to that Antipodean rascal Ryan, he who is better-known as "Brickman", the legendary Lego sculptor. Him and his studio of assistants, that is. Art!
I dunno. Icelanders would probably enjoy it.
This monster is 9 feet tall. Conrad will give you another illustration in a minute with a few puny humans for scale, but would first like to apologise as I cannot find any description as to how many bricks constitute the volcano, nor how long it took to assemble. We are in the ballpark of probably a hundred thousand plus in terms of bricks, and dozens and dozens of man-hours. There is even a detailed analysis of how this particular Cone Of Doom was constructed. First, the puny humans. Art?
Ryan to starboard at front. You can see the other sculptures that have been constructed on the island bases the Brickman team laid down. It's not really clear in the central image thanks to poor contrasts, yet the 'lava' flowing down the volcano's sides is lit-up for a more Mordor vibe. I may post a few more shots at a later date of how they built up a Marine Mount Doom.
"Mordor - where you're never short of places to roast chestnuts!"
Conrad thinks that one's a winner. I can licence it to the MTB for, ooooh, say £77,000.
Motley! Now that you've recovered from discovering what's underneath a trawler, we need to carry out scientific research into how long chestnuts take to roast over an open volcano. Don't fret so, we've got a flame-proof suit - well, yes, it does look as if it was made out of baking-foil - never mind that!
CAUTION! Use a very long roasting-stick
Remember Stupid?
One of Hom. Saps finest defining traits! Conrad has a couple of guilty pleasures, two of which won't be mentioned here as they are both immoral and illegal, another one which is avidly watching all those "Lights, Cameras, Cops" genre of television programs, and another is reading Reddit channels on Youtube about people quitting a job; with details of why and what happened.
O boy do I have one for you. We shall call the poster "Mister Studebaker" which is probably not his real name as a Studebaker is a variety of South Canadian automobile.
He was a mechanic at a South Canadian car dealership, where a new service manager had arrived and attempted to stamp his Awesome Management Talent on the business, by being a bottomhole: cutting wages, making weekend working compulsory and ignoring employment law. On one of the busiest days of the year, by prior arrangement, 22 of the 23 mechanics quit, leaving only the OP.
Ooops.
Mister Studebaker was left with 27 oil changes to carry out, which the AMTB wanted done in 30 minutes. Mister Studebaker, quite deliberately, took an hour each on those he did, then left at 17:00 after locking up his toolbox and leaving AMTB with a crowd of seethingly angry customers.
When Mister Studebaker arrived back at work on Monday, AMTB had taken his toolbox home in spite. This was an unwise decision as the tools cost £15,000 and AMTB got arrested for theft. Not only is he still in jail, his name is on a county-wide blacklist at all dealerships and garages.
The exciting world of oil change in a car!
The whole dealership went down the toilet bowl and folded within a month, which is frequently the case when you get an ATMB in charge.
CAUTION! Do not steal tools. Or you risk becoming one.
Schadenfreude, hmmmmm?
"Invincible" By Kirkman And Ottely
It finished 2 years ago, and I've posted about it before, and have just finished reading the final volume yet I warn you there are SPOILERS AHEAD.
I warned you.
Okay, Conrad shall have to simplify explanations a tad, as the whole thing is pretty complex. You have Regent Thragg, unreconstructed Viltrumite villain, who is out to destroy the Coalition of Planets, a galaxy-spanning organisation set up to counter unreconstructed Viltrumites. He has been raising an army by breeding - I shall put this as delicately as possible - with a race of aliens called the Mantai, who are insectile and with an incredibly accelerated lifespan. Thus he has an army of half-Mantai, half-Viltrumites who look pretty human apart from a purple skin tone. Art?
Caution! Compulsive gloating can harm your chances of world-domination
The plot hole here is that the COP has a virus called "The Scourge" which is incurably lethal to Viltrumites, and which has been mentioned many times in the story. At the point when Thragg is floating and gloating (he does this a lot) he and his Ribena-legions could have been given a good dosing of The Scourge, The End.
That would have removed the story's climax, which is a pretty spectacular <for another day> so one can see Mister Kirkman's plotting.
Finally -
Conrad has dug up another old "Thrilling Wonder Stories" for you to goggle at in muted disbelief at what they could get away with In The Olden Days. Art!
Conrad thinks this must have been during the years when they paid well for stories, as both Murray Leinster and James Blish were established and respected authors. Still, the authors had nothing to do with the cover illustration; Mister Blish for one, as someone with a scientific background, would have shuddered in horror. No! Not because of the Shapely Young Thing in the foreground - Brass Bras are a popular choice in the future, it seems - nor the (unusually) underclad fop in the background. No, because their spaceship hull has just been blown open and yet they are not being sucked out into bleak black oblivion, nor are they succumbing to asphyxiation or air embolisms, or even explosive spalling from the ruptured metal**.
Of course, I could be over-thinking this ...
And with that, Vulnavia, we are done!
* I made this up myself. Can you tell?
** Bulletproof Brass Bras?
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