Ha!
Yes, I'm afraid Conrad is letting the punnery fly once again. You see, I am still whanging on about "Transportation On The Western Front 1914 - 1918" (don't fret and snivel so, it doesn't become you, and we're 60% through it). Today we are taking a gander at an entity known as a "Brake Van", which Your Humble Scribe knew not wot of before today, though know he does and so will you, too*.
CAUTION! Know your Basilisk. THIS IS NOT A WYVERN!
So I could have started off with something horrid like "Brake Van Morrison" or <cackles and tweaks moustache ends> "Brake Van Der Graaf Generator" or <thinks> "Shooting Brake Van". Thus think yourself lucky you got today's title. Art!
The job of a brake van - there's a clue in the name - is to tootle along at the back of a train of trucks, and apply the motion-retarding mechanisms (brakes) when the whole massive array comes to a halt, in order to prevent it inadvertently moving off again. Because a short train of locomotive, tender, 10 empty trucks and brake van can easily weigh 170 tons and if this were to rumble off - you can see how that might end up poorly.
Brown Eyed Girl Brown Painted Brake Van
The other time a brake van gets used is when a train is going downhill. Rail design keeps gradients as shallow as possible, but if you're pulling 200 tons and going downhill you can't risk going too fast, or see above. Thus the brake van helps to slow the whole array down. Hooray for brake van!
A third, last, and critical function that you don't really want to experience is having a coupling in that assemblage of trucks or carriages break. Yes, "Break" not "Brake". Mechanical failure. In order that the contents of the box trucks (or the screaming passengers in a carriage) do not go over the edge of a cliff, the guard in the brake van heroically puts the brakes on. Hooray for brake van and guard!
Motley! We're going to roleplay Snidely Whiplash and Gerta Goodness, and we need someone to tie to the railway tracks. You're it.
Our hero
Decembeer Begins
NO! THAT IS NOT A TYPO! It is an hysterically funny pun**. Laugh, you dastards, laugh!
For yes, yesterday (actually today as I'm writing this on 1/12/2020 but it won't get published until 2/12/2020, sorry if this confuses you) was indeed the First of December. 01/12/2020 if you want to be specific; this shouldn't be necessary but if you have a time-machine you might have gotten confused and there isn't always a convenient discarded paper, with the date prominently displayed, that blows across the street in order to wrap around your ankles, a trope which I sp -
Back on course. Art!
Behold an early Christmas present! A beer advent calendar, with one variety for every day up to 24/12/2020, after which one has to supply the tipple for Christmas Day itself. As tonight is a school night Your Thirsty Scholar won't be consuming it just yet. Wait until Friday, though. And yes, you will be getting other pictures of beers in the days to come.
When Greek Met Greek
I'm going to have to explain this, aren't I? <insincere sigh as it allows showing off> You see - hang on, has that treacherous appendage Mister Hand been adding in facetious little notes?
Mumbletypeg the ancient way
The thing is, it's a metaphor that doesn't really apply. Typically, it's used to refer to when two equal forces pitch into each other in battle, and I'm referring to the podcast "We Have Way" featuring Jim Holland and Al Murray, and Nick Moran, whom you may know as "The Chieftain's Hatch". Two sets of trackheads, definitely. Not that any of them are liable to go sparring with each other.
Our two entertainers 
Nick at left - and I'm pretty sure that's Ian from "Forgotten Weapons"
(O and that tank has a - waitforitwaitforit - muzzle BRAKE)
Nick, you see, possesses not only a sound theoretical backing in TANK, but actually drove one for a living in hot and distant lands. Besides working for "World of TANKS". He has a great line in debunking a lot of urban myths about TANK and you should check his work out on Youtube***.
A Little Schadenfreude Goes A Long Way
O Frabjous Day! I won't go so far as to add "Kalloo kallay" as that would be overdoing it a bit, approaching two exclamation marks.
No, what has perked me up and generally brought a smile to my normally grim visage (no great improvement it has to be said) was the BBC's daring to allow Have Your Say on a ballfoot game. I enjoyed the comments and especially this one, which had me laughing out loud. Art!
 |
| "The amount of time Grealish spends writhing on the floor is frightening, maybe he should have been a worm" |
Here's One I Made Earlier -
A famous phrase from "Blue Peter" lest ye be unaware. Conrad realised he still had a spare photograph left over from the clips taken of Idiots With Chainsaws, so let us hie Art from the coal cellar, tell him to put down his knife and fork and -
 |
| "I warned you not to brake my car!" |
The previous five minutes, where these chumps felled that very large, solid tree and dropped it squarely on their car, is not recorded. Actually that should be the previous ten minutes, as the second five minutes would have been spent in ferocious cursing, finger-pointing and assertions about mother's morals. Look closely and you'll see how the roof has already acquired a large dent, and how low the chassis sits above the rear wheel, which implies the suspension is feeling a bit poorly. When the tree trunk falls off it catches rubber sealant around the door and pulls that off, too.
Finally -
I did a little Google-fu yesterday and discovered that there's prospectively an "Invincible" cartoon series in the offing. Conrad wonders what kind of rating they are going for, because whilst the comic books are a little coy when it comes to sex, and I don't think there's any drugs present, BOY! are they violent.
There's some of the voice talent right there. Colour Conrad curious.
And with that, Vulnavia, we are like those jacket potatoes. Done!
* Whether you want to or not. Heh.
** IT IS! IT IS TOO!
*** If you do, it will get you remission from the uranium mines when I take over.
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