Whither The Weather

I Know, I Know, I've Used That As A Title Before
 - that is, unless you are a recent arrival here and didn't know this fact in advance, in which case things must be prettttty confusing for you, since here at BOOJUM! we have our own language and in-jokes.
     For example, if we mention "Norks" with a distinct and patronising sneer in our tone, then - obviously! - we are referring to those Wannabe members of the Fusion Warhead Club, North Korea.  If, on the other hand, we mention "Norks" with a certain fond regard, then we are talking about the Norwegians*, and most probably about their Marinejegerkommandoen, their Special Forces unit that trains with the Special Boat Service to keep our North Sea oil rigs safe.

The last thing Bad Guys will ever see

     Thank you, MJK!
     Which, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about, which was LITHIUM WAFER BATT - no, sorry, which was more of that ghastly Teuton children's book from the mid-nineteenth century, which explains so much about Teuton civilisation and culture.  Yes, we are back to Struwwelpeter!  
     And today we look at a rhyme that, once again, has resulted in the Coincidence Hydra gnawing on my nethers.  Let us begin.

The Story of Flying Robert

When the rain comes tumbling down In the country or the town, All good little girls and boys Stay at home and mind their toys. Robert thought, "No, when it pours, It is better out of doors." Rain it did, and in a minute Bob was in it. Here you see him, silly fellow, Underneath his red umbrella.

What a wind! oh! how it whistles Through the trees and flowers and thistles! It has caught his red umbrella: Now look at him, silly fellow— Up he flies To the skies. No one heard his screams and cries; Through the clouds the rude wind bore him, And his hat flew on before him.

Soon they got to such a height, They were nearly out of sight. And the hat went up so high, That it nearly touched the sky. No one ever yet could tell Where they stopped, or where they fell: Only this one thing is plain, Bob was never seen again!

      Plainly, this is a prescient worry about global warming, as tornadoes were unknown in Germany circa 1844.  Let us not forget that the frothing psychopathic author of this tale had the incredible gall to claim it was "Merry Stories and Funny Pictures", which is about as accurate as calling BOOJUM! "Rationality and Polite Common Sense About First Bus".  This enormous lie must have shaped the worldview (or "Weltanschaung" as in the original Teuton) of generations of Teuton toddlers, who learned that the world was a cold, harsh, horrid place and you needed to be equally cold, hard and horrid to prevail in the incessant struggle that was Life.  Or something.  The other worry is that this story mentions "Robert", which is Your Modest Artisan's second name, and that horror story about the tailor who cuts off children's thumbs featured "Conrad", which is Your Humble Scribe's official first name.
     Colour me worried.  And hiding both thumbs.

Nothing to see here.  Move along.

More Blade Runner Than Blade Runner
I think we are into retroverse years now, where the supposed date for "Blade Runner" is now long behind us, since it was set in 2019 if I recall correctly,which is a problem a few other films have -
     Anyway, the BBC's website recently published some incredibly evocative photographs of Tokyo, which have been processed and Your Humble Scribe's initial reaction was this item's title.  Art?

Spot Deckard
(I am guessing these are nightclubs and drinking parlours)

     Yes, I know BR was set in Californialand, which is only a minor technical quibble here, because I say so.  Seriously, how can you not look at that photo and imagine a woman wearing a snake crashing through glass walls?
     We will be coming back to this subject, O yes that's a given, David Niven.


Back To That List of 51 Greatest Ever Sci-Fi Novels Evah
Because it's low-hanging fruit.  I have, as of just this afternoon, purchased Andy Weir's "The Martian", and to my utter horror found that Andy had self-published his opus.

Not the edition I have.
And putting "A novel" on the front is an exercise in stupidity.

     Why is this bad news? 
     Okay, consider this.  J.K. Rowling has been incredibly popular and successful in publishing the Harry Potter novels, which means a whole host of lesser imitations have sprung up in her wake**.  Ol' And has become a best-seller after first self-publishing TM, which means a positive tranche of dreadful self-published dross authored by idiots is going to pour forth upon the world, at the expense of trees.  Don't forget, the Writers and Artists Yearbook consistently warns against self-publishing, and TM is very definitely the exception that proves the rule.

Do not let their death be in vain!

     The novel sets an interesting variant on Robinson Crusoe, who was stranded on an island, and Kit Draper, who was similarly stranded on Mars in - waitforitwaitforit - "Robinson Crusoe On Mars", though his Mars was a lot more hospitable.  So far our hero Mark Watney has managed to survive, solo, for over 7 weeks.  Not bad, but it's going to be another 4 years until the next NASA mission to Mars takes place.  He's going to have his work cut out if you ask me.

Then there's this ...

Finally -
Conrad trusts that you are sufficiently aware to know the difference between a cat and a dog.  One is a treasured and loyal domestic companion, and the other would gladly see humans all marched into volcanoes providing they still got fed five times a day.
     As proof, I offer you - Art?

A cat named Pumpkin

     I hope you notice "Pumpkin"'s attitude here, which is expressed best by the term "Yes?  Is there something I can help you with, foolish human?" to be followed by the corollary "Move along then."




*  Conrad: one-sixteenth Norwegian.
**  I'm guessing here, you can do the legwork if you want.