Spoilers

SIT BACK DOWN!
No, I am not going to give away the big reveal at the end of "The Empire Strikes Back", nor any other film, because I'm not talking about the Major Plot Points of films. 

The title of a lifetime for one editor

      Although, since you raised the subject, Conrad has noticed that there really isn't a set time limit for Film Spoilers.  Why, over on The Flop House Facebook page, one poster said he'd been taken to task by his student audience when he gave away the ending of "Alien", a film which is over 40 years old.  Art?

ART!  Art, I am going to shoot you -

     Here an aside.  I see that "A.L.F." is now being described as a "classic" sitcom.  NO!  This is a common phenomenon that you see when people practice cheap and nasty journalism about sitcoms: the program is merely old, it is certainly NOT classic, and if you mention "Are You Being Served" I shall come round to your house and you will vanish, leaving only a set of fingernails -
     Where were we?
     Oh yes, Spoilers.
     As you ought to know by now, Your Humble Scribe is a bit of a one when it comes to mucking about with the English language.  Plainly put, if challenged to do so, he cannot resist.  This has led to me being late for Pub Quiz as I hammer out punnery on Twitter, and so it was last night.
     Back to TFH's Facebook page, where the challenge posed was "Spoil A Film With One Word".
     Well, if you insist ...

THE OSCAR WILD BUNCH
(Though one person said' they'd pay to see same)

     It would take too long to type "Do you see what I did there?" after each, so just take it as read.  Next!

THE LAMP STAND

     This next one might be a tad obscure for readers in the Pond of Eden.

MY DINNER WITH ANDRE NORTON

     <sighs heavily> Andre Norton was a sci-fi author from South Canada, who was unusual in that she was a female sci-fi author back in the day, because everyone fule nos that girls cannot write or read sci-fi, and Conrad read loads of her stuff when he was younger and thinner.  Next!

TOMMY ROT

     Because that one might puzzle our overseas readers - hello Dimya! - I should explain that it is slang here in This Sceptred Isle for "Utter bosh" or, more formally, "Nonsense".

WATERSHIP DOWN BY LAW

     I'm rather proud of that one.  Next!
     Actually at this point Your Humble Scribe realised he'd better knock it on the head, or there would be another 457 posts on that thread and it would be 02:37 with an alarm set for 06:00, not to mention a lot of angry and baffled TFH fans wondering who this uppity Brit was who'd hijacked their thread.  Hopefully this has entertained you as much as it did me*.
     Motley, shall we continue watching "Lady And The Tramp Stamp" from where we left off?

What A Question To Ask
Another item generated by TFH's Facebook page, where the question was posted "When did you realise you were old and out of touch?"
     This morning whilst reading The Metro on the bus into work, as a matter of fact.  So, quite topical.  There is this musician <sneers> called "Stormzy" who works in the grime genre.  Conrad believes this is the same as rap, and his unshakable belief is that Rap Is Crap**, so he's never going to hear what this chap's oeuvre is like.  Art?

Close enough

     Then again, I'd seen a few headlines about how Ol' Storz was having a spat with "Wiley".
     "Surely not the inoffensive DJ and presenter Jo "Smiley"?" I mused.  For she does have a dazzling smile.  Art?

Jo.  She is very smiley, isn't she?

     Then I thought it much more likely to be Pete Wiley, Scouser muso and a man with a rapid-fire tongue, the frontman of Wah! in all it's incarnations. Art?

Neat Pete

      For a while I wondered if it might be the antagonist of those existential dramas drawn by Chuck Jones.  You know the ones I mean -

However -

     Note the absence of a "Y" in the name. 
    But No!  It turns out that there's another grimey rascal in the music business who goes by the appellation "Wiley".  I hope they'll be very happy together***.

What's that, motley?  You want to watch "A Guitar Bridge Too Far"?  Why certainly!  Let me just crank up the video player, whilst you get some popcorn.

The Elephant In The Room
There is a lot of ill-informed babbling going on about The Persian Dictatorship and their efforts to obtain Big Bang Bombs, a process which has been both watched and hindered by Israel, which regards this issue with deep suspicion.  Conrad is pretty sure that there has been a deniable, back-channel communication between Tel Aviv and Tehran, stating that any nuclear explosion on Israeli territory will be immediately taken as The Persian Dictatorship's doing, no matter who puts their hand up for it.  This is a warning to be taken seriously, as not only does Israel have thermonuclear weapons, it also has ICBMs with a global reach.  So, too, does it have an enormous air force for such a small  country.  And submarines that can carry and launch cruise missiles; one supposes that one of these is always at sea, loitering with nuclear intent, just in case.

In case of sudden BANKG

     On an old wargaming forum, Your Humble Scribe laid out a plan for the Israelis to deniably take care of The Persian Dictatorship's nuclear program, at which he was sternly criticised for coming up with something viable and then sharing it in public.  Nobody from Shin Beth or Mossad showed up on my doorstep, so presumably I didn't violate anyone's plans.
     Interesting, nicht wahr?  Keep watching this space ...




*  Doubtful <the horrid truth courtesy of Mister Hand>
**  Modus Operandi: steal someone else's music, recite doggerel over it, watch the money roll in.
***  Actually I don't care one way or the other, I was just playing nice.