It's A Crock Of -

Cheese, Mostly
Your Humble Scribe has been described, with some accuracy, as merely being a stomach on legs, a man whom would be ridiculously easy to ambush or trap, because all you'd need would be a bit of scoff.  With this in mind, do recall that I recently bought a toasted sandwich maker, as I had come to desire an early morning cheese toastie for breakfast and the improvised version simply wasn't good enough.  This, Conrad feels, is surely what caused the phrase "Croque Monsieur" to pop into his head on New Year's Day.

Mine own attempt

     Of course I had to Google it, and it transpires that a CM is a kind of baked sandwich made with béchamel sauce, cheese and ham.  I had the trimmings, thus the above, although if I make it again I shan't use cornflour, since it made the sauce rather sit there instead of flowing like a mountain stream.  The verdict?  Tasty if a bit of a faff to make.

The formal version

     Motley!  Bring me my spear and greaves and shield of burnished bronze, for I feel like being a hoplite for an afternoon.
     Next!
How I Was Clever On The Internet
I was, honestly, except it was on the Space Opera Facebook page and I can't find the paragraph I wrote, so I shall just have to replicate it from memory.  Which is no problem.
     The premise was that someone, just to wind folks up, had stated that the weapons in "Star Trek" - obscure Sixties sci-fi television you may not have heard of - were 'weak'.  There was all sorts of speculation about shields and lasers and photon torpedoes in space battles, but Your Humble Scribe took aim at the comparatively humble planetary side of things.

Yeah, like this.

     As I put it, one reason for phasers to be used on a less-than-lethal setting is medical logistics.  If you disintegrate a person then they're gone.  Vapour.  No more than a scent on the breeze.  On the other hand, if you give them a bad case of Plasma Beam Hives, then their rolling around screaming in agony will affect the morale of their uninjured comrades.  They will need transportation to a medical facility, where medical staff/autodoc will have to attend to them.  In the case of a foe with weak morale ("O Noes it's the Fed, we're all dead dead dead!") matey might be accompanied by a couple of uninjured blokes carrying his kit, in order to thus avoid being parboiled by those nasty phaser thingies.
     
                                              (Also good for roasts, bastes and croquet monsieurs)

      This isn't as speculative as you might think, as this kind of behaviour was witnessed frequently in the First and Second Unpleasantnesses.
     So.  Clever!

So That's What It Is -
Once again Your Humble Scribe has come across a mention in "The Stand" that he deemed worthy of more investigation, namely "Silly Putty".
     I have come across mention of this in times past, way back when I got comics from South Canada that always had adverts for this stuff in them.  Art?

A bit garish, to be honest

  The chemistry and physics of this stuff are quite complex, but it is based around silicon, and exhibits what Wonder Wiki calls "Non-Newtonian" behaviour - it will bounce if moulded into a sphere, yet it will also break apart when struck with force.  It can act as an adhesive, and lift newsprint off papers, and has been used for niche medical applications, too.  More useful than daft, I would say.
     So, now we know.

Only limited by imagination (and mischief)

      Now, excuse me whilst I go look up "Polish firedrill"

      Oh go on then -


     That's a Greek hoplite, pronounced "Hop-Lee-Tay", certainly not "Hop-Light".
    Where were we? 

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
And perhaps some television as well, we're not precious about our review criteria.  Remember, if you want a nuanced and sensible review, then Mark Kermode is waaaaay over there, practicing cat-strangling.  Art?

How to strangle cats the one-handed Mark Kermode way!

     We here on the blog take things with ridiculous literality, except when we don't, and generally try to get away with being as literaly ridiculous as possible, except when we're not.
     There, now that's cleared up, shall we?
"1917": Well now.  Conrad is aware of the subject matter of this film, it being about that year in the First Unpleasantness, concerning the soldiers of Perfidious Albion.
     "Right up your street!" I can hear you say.  "Isn't it?" I hear you also add as an addendum.
     Wellllllll perhaps.  Conrad is worried that he'll be sitting there saying "That's not how British trenches were made" or "That's NOT how an infantry battalion was organised" or "Where are the Stokes Guns?" and "Where are the tactical symbols for the brigade?" - you know, the sort of petty cavilling Your Humble Scribe is such an expert at.  So I am torn.

No it's not - the Teutons are!

"The Gentlemen":  Hmmm.  Since this appears to be a Guy Richie job, one thing we can assume is that the men concerned will not be gentle in any way whatsoever.  Moreover, they will probably also be Cockneys and so we shall need subtitles to explicate whatever they are braying about.  Hopefully there will be some Received English pronunciation in there, too.  Also, I think there will be considerable illegal drug use, which is of course a Very Bad Thing and not what gentlemen should be doing.

"Gentlemen!  Prepare to defend yourselves!"

     I thought that was appropriate.
"Little Women":  Chick flick with big skirts.  Next!

What it says on the tin

"Marriage Story": Chick flick, skirts of normal length.  Next!
      I think that's enough of that.  Hopefully we are all better informed all round*.

Finally -
The past is another country, indeed, and Conrad's mind is another planet for all practical purposes, and is frequently a mystery to himself, let alone others. Thus I present you with the cryptic note "I A W L - SNOW" that I came across in my book of notes.  Is that an abbreviation?  An acronym?  A book title?  A film?  I have no idea and it's only ten days old.
     Answers in the Comments, please.   Art?

One for the ladies.

     And with that, we are done!

*  I don't really care one way or the other.  I'm horrid like that.