TANK!

Do Forgive The Upper Case
I shan't apologise for the exclamation mark, as I am actually quoting the title of a book, written by (Professor) Ken Tout, of his experiences as an NCO during two days in August 1944.  He was commanding a Sherman tank of the Northampton Yeomanry, part of an armoured brigade, and if Art can put down his plate of coal -

I don't have this book.  Yet.

     The reason I raise it as a subject is because, as you should surely now by now, Your Humble Scribe has never gotten over his boyhood fascination with all things TANK.  
     Jumping subjects, allow me to once again introduce that splendid podcast "We Have Ways -", where Jim and Al took turns over the Christmas period reading from some of their favourite books about the Second Unpleasantness.  Both explained that this book's title is an honourable exception to book titles that have an exclamation mark present (can't think of an example at the moment, but it may come to me later).  Al chose a passage from the above work, reading it aloud.
     It made tank combat sound terrifying, which is fair enough, as it is.  

     "Hello Oboe Three Charlie, hello Oboe Three Charlie.  View - three Tigers ahead on road, twelve hundred yards at one o'clock, Oboe Three Charlie over."
     "Oboe Able to Three Charlie, hold your fire if you can until I join you ..."
     "If Able Three is going to take on two Tigers with his seventy-five he'd better be ready to duck."
     "Or jump."
     "Or pray"
     GUNNER!  ON!  FIRE!"
     "You got him, you golden boy!"
     "Oboe Able Three to Sunray, Charlie Sunray's hit, get over there and keep Charlie shooting, over"

     That condenses about three minutes of speech.  It puts you in the driver's seat, no question about it.  I MUST HAVE THIS BOOK!

Some of the Northampton lads having a nosh.

     Motley, get out the wargaming kit and let's refight Second Alamein!

Conrad Is, Once Again, ANGRY!
Yes, we are talking about crosswords again; firstly, about lack of same.  I got Friday's M.E.N.* and went through it from back to front (that's how everyone does it, right) and NO CROSSWORD.  Granted it was the free Friday edition and I wasn't out any money, but oooh! I was irked (which is one less than Frothing Nitric Ire)

1 Down

     "COQUETTE".  I ask you!  How often is this word used in everyday conversation?  I had wondered, before getting "Q" and "U" if it wasn't CORVETTE, except I already had "R" and "V".  Of course I got it in the end because I'm so clever with words -
     Ha!  Sorry, here an aside.  I've just seen a jolly amusing advert for the AA, featuring the cast from "Red Dwarf".  Art?

It made me laugh

     That's not a - SIT BACK DOWN!  That's not all.

1 Across

     Your Humble Scribe had to guess at "HAHA" because I had only vague recollections of what it was - a garden feature of some sort?
     Well, kind of.  It seems that hahas are not that uncommon, and if Art can put down his place of coal -

A haha

     The idea is that the haha prevents incursions from animals, or poachers, without interrupting the landscape's view - in the above, you cannot see the haha from the house.  Thus they can be dangerous in the dark.  We at The Mansion have ours limned in luminous paints**.

Carnage In The Caribbean
I refer, of course - obviously! - to "Death In Paradise", of which I have seen exactly one episode.  Art?

Some bloke and some bird

     It was quite alright - popcorn for the eyes.  Conrad can't be too critical since he has found middle-agedness brings with it an obsession with murder mysteries (I am currently watching "Murder She Wrote".
     Anyway, what I wanted to address was the murder rate on the fictional isle of Saint Marie.  There have been nine seasons so far - which means a lot of you out there are watching this - and each season has eight episodes, which means that this tiny island has experienced 81 murders in the space of eight years.  

Unlikely ever to go out of business in Saint Marie

     Conrad can only sit back and wonder what would happen if Charlie Chan came to visit for a holiday ...

Depiction Of A Despondent Dog
There were plans afoot for Your Humble Scribe to attend a formal event today, which were scuppered by his insides demonstrating that they didn't like him, didn't enjoy the job and wanted out.
     So I am dogsitting again, which mostly consists of allowing Edna to sit on my lap, since she considers the Human-Shaped Cushion to serve this function alongside providing food, and playing chase.  However, at the moment she is - despondent.  Art?

     She has this pose down pat, due to much experience.  The reason she is despondent?  Art!

     The hated laptop claims precedence!  In  time she'll go and sulk on the bed, generally projecting an air of Those Wicked Neglectful Humans Are Neglecting Me, Wickedly.  She can be very convincing unless one knows the truth.
     I will partially redeem myself by taking her for a walk once I've finished the blog.

Finally -
As ever, Conrad's brain continues to throw out (or up) random nonsense, which is great for the blog as it's all content that can be posted, if rather less great for his sanity.  Here's one example:  Vachel Lindsay.  I know why this person's name popped up in my head, as I had just seen a candidate whose first name was "Vachel".  Art?

Ol' Vach

     The thing is, Vulnavia, Ol' Vach was a South Canadian <ahem> "singing poet" according to the mighty Wiki.  As we all know, Conrad loathes him some poetry, so where on earth did I encounter him***?

     And with that, we are done!


*  "Manchester Evening News", which is available in the morning.  No, I don't get it either.
**  Yes, this contradicts my beginning.  I don't care.
***  No it wasn't down the chippy, he's been dead for 80 years.