Bricks Tricks

Ah Yes
We shall see how this goes, as my Digital Devil Device (also known as a "mobile phone") is being especially stupid and not updating displayed photographs, when I had scads of them to upload, thank you Fate.
     Not only that, the 409 was late this morning.  As you can expect with First Bus, there was little traffic and few passengers, so of course it was late.

The infinitely more reliable alternative to First Bus

     Thus I missed my connecting bus and am consequently 20 minutes later in to work than this time yesteryon.  I know the bus was late because from the bus stop outside The Pleasant Inn one can see down the road for a mile.  This is how I discerned the distant 409 and - O what's this?  Another 409, emerging from a side-street but a scant hundred yards from our bus stop.  Clearly matey had taken the parallel side road in order to either overtake the bus he was behind, or to avoid passengers on the main road, or both.

This, First, is the only excuse I will accept.

     I feel a large "BAH!" coming on.
     Where were we?  O yes: Lego.  By now, if you read BOOJUM! regularly AND YOU SHOULD BE DOING SO then you will know Your Humble Scribe became aware of the Lego subculture last autumn, and has recourse to it if in need of any content-generating items.  It seems I am not alone, for a London art gallery has also embraced the brick.  Art?

From the Harley Gallery

     This above is called "Sweet Nothings"  because - er - because - okay, you got me there.  Perhaps they're made out of sugar?  There's no information on the Beeb website (where I found this article) about what medium they are made in, which is a bit slack, frankly.  If Darling Daughter had made this then you can bet there'd be full attribution.
     Now, because I cannot resist pounding you with The Wonder Of Lego (and I don't even get a commission for this) I shall refer to another entry in the "17 Really Difficult Lego Builds" list from somewhere.  Art?

Lo.  My eyes hurt just looking at it.

     Just shy of 3,000 pieces, before you ask.  One wonders how on earth they get those canted oyster shells at just the right angle, which probably requires eighteen hours of building with a magnifying glass and rubber gloves dipped in chalk, or something.  Not only that, the horrid thing costs over £300, which by Conrad's primitive maths skills, means you're paying 10 pence per brick.  A bit pricey.
     What's that, motley?  O - you just stood, barefoot, on a piece of Lego and are now off to Accident and Emergency.  Baby.
Conrad: Still Angry, In Case You Were Wondering*


It's not as if I lack excuses reasons to be angry - see the post above - but once again I refer to those chumps compiling the M.E.N. codeword and the foreign words they chuck in there in an attempt to prove how very clever they are.  Go sit the MENSA test if you want to prove that, maties, and don't keep messing up the codeword.
     "What's he frothing about now?" I hear you quip in a weary tone. 
     "FAJITA".  That's what.  I mean, this includes two of the least-common letters in Codeword, "F" and "J".  Art?

Yes, O so tasty.  But also WRONG!

     Of course I got the answer, for I am clever beyond human understanding when it comes to words.  Think, if you will, of all the other baffled Codeworders out there who are still sitting there wondering "A six-letter word that ends in "A"?  Whatever can it be!"
     Rant over, until I find something else to be annoyed about.  It won't take long.

Mad About The Boy Matania

Fortunino Matania, that is, officially accredited war artist for Perfidious Albion during the First Unpleasantness.  We've been featuring this talented chap of late, because he's a very good artist and doesn't sugar-coat things as might be imagined.  Take this picture as an example - Art?

There you go

      Let Conrad walk you through this picture.  SIT BACK DOWN!  It is interesting, it is.  Okay, this is definitely early war - note the absence of Brodie pattern helmets.  The trench is quite primitive and you can't see any deep shelters, nor communication trenches, nor is it clear if there's any wire present.  There are still recognisable trees, rather than mere shattered stumps.  You have, of course, spotted the chap working a pump to remove floodwater, as the water table in Flanders is pretty high.  Points for spotting the 'trench periscope' in use at centre; it was risking the integrity of your head to stick it out of the trench, as the Teuton snipers were alert for that sort of thing.
     That latter fact is something to bear in mind if you ever see a photograph similar to the above, because in real life the errant photographer would have been either riddled with gunfire or disintegrated by artillery.  Art?

Staged!

     And there you have it.  You're welcome.

A Jew's Harp
I have no idea why Your Humble Scribe had this musical instrument pop up in his head, except to say that it's merely a symptom of having a mind like a midden.  Art?

A shellfish midden

     Anyway, as I was saying, a Jew's Harp is a musical instrument that Wikipedia dignifies with a long complicated instrumental class, and if Art can put down his bowl of coal -

A Jew's Harp

     You hold it in your mouth and twang it, before you ask, and it makes a boingy-boingy sound that you'll recognise from countless South Canadian westerns.

Finally -
Because we here at BOOJUM! like to emphasise that a great many people are idiots who shouldn't be in charge of so much as a bucket and spade, let us introduce HAARP.  Art?

Look sharp - it's HAARP

     It stands for "High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program", and was intended to study the ionosphere for the purpose of improving radio communication, so OF COURSE the swivel-eyed loons came crawling out of the woodwork to state that it was UNQUESTIONABLY designed to control the weather, create floods, earthquakes, thunderstorms, down aircraft, kill people, blow up airliners and inflict mange on their dogs.
     They must be weeping that it's been closed down; how unsatisfying to not have an HAARP in your conspiranoid lifestyle!
    
     And with that, we are done!

*  And even if you were not.  In fact, especially if you were not.