Working Up A Flop Sweat

No, I Don't Get Commission
I just like The Flop House and am happy to sing it's praises.  If you have a problem with that, then the exit door IS THAT WAY!
     But let us not be so confrontational, for it is Friday morning and the weekend beckons, whereupon your humble scribe can have a lie-in.  Yes, due to his advanced age and rickety physique, this is as wild as Conrad gets:  long gone are his days of vandalising bus stops for the sheer heck of it.  He is, you might say, an old dog.

Conrad, looking especially old and doggish.

     Which brings us to one film the Flopsters were riffing upon:  Old Dogs, starring Robin Williams and someone else.  It was originally to be rated an "R" but was subject to ferocious Suitburn and experienced an edit from 117 minutes down to 87.  The guys hated it, hated HATED HATED it, as evinced by the fact that they spent 10 minutes chatting on Stuart's getting engaged rather than talk about the film.  In summation, this is a very Bad Bad film.  The Flopsters spent more time and produced more chuckles in going off on a tangent about "Kangaroo Jack".

Meh.  Close enough

     Here an aside.  I've not seen KJ, although Elliott - not the Flop House Elliott, that Elliott over there, the jazz drummer - thought it was the funniest film ever.
      Elliott - yes, The Flop House guy - declared the film-makers behind KJ to be Liars, capitalised, because they put together a trailer featuring lots of kangaroo.  In reality there was very little kangaroo -

A wallaby.  Or a little kangaroo, to you

     Oh, then, rather than talk about - John Travolta!  that's who the other star was - rather than talk about Old Dogs, we have another 5 minute tangent on a "Porthole of Time" as mispronounced by Stuart, to comic effect, rather than a "Portal".  This sounds far more amusing than the film itself, which Degsy confused with "Wild Hogs", although the common element of being an utter swine applies to both.

Further On The Bad State Of Things
Specifically, on the Beeb and that link they had to "5 Cult Films Fans Love To Hate", which I corrected for them to "5 Bad Films", because that's how I am.  Hairsplitting and always correct.
     I mentioned having seen "Plan 9 From Outer Space", and can't help thinking that the film's aliens other previous 8 plans must have been the defining word in "Stupid".  Taking over the world by reviving the recent dead via <mumbles something silly> needs working on, friends.
     I've not seen "Showgirls" and will have to be careful about illustrating this, as it is pretty much NSFW by definition.  Nor does it make my pulse run faster, so I shall probably ignore it forever.  Besides, it sounds dangerously close to being a musical, and we all know what Conrad feels about them*.  Bless Paul Verhoeven, the director, for being a sport about the film, as not many directors would ever admit to having created a turkey, and a zombie werebird turkey at that. 

Paul.  Also a bit old doggish, doncha think?

     One omission I would have had in there is "The Adventures Of Pluto Nash", an Eddy Murphy vehicle that attempted to be a sci-fi comedy.  It's terrible.  And was a very, very expensive failure, as it made back about $2 million.
     "Oh that's not bad!" I hear you gasp in awed amazement**.
     Well yes it is, when the film cost $100 million to make.

Dream on, Eddie, it ain't ever going to happen

Back To British Bullet-Magnets
Ah yes, Adrian De Carton Wiart.  Ade (if I can call him that, as it is a tad familiar) was given the job of attracting as many bullets as possible, so that there were less available to be shot at the rest flying to Egypt in order to take up a command with the Western Desert Force, as they were called at the time.
     However!  That would be conventional and dull, so instead he got shot down over the Mediterranean off the Maghreb coast and interned by the the Italians for imprisonment in Italy.  The Italians probably regretted this later on, as Ade (just checking this is okay again, don't want to presume) was both itching with escapism and bursting with burrowing.  He made five escape attempts and at the last was wandering around the countryside, trying to blend in.  At 6 feet tall with pasty-white skin, an eyepatch, one arm and no ability to speak Italian, this was difficult.

Look at him, blending effortlessly in.  Ho - hang on -

     With hilarious irony, Ade was due to be repatriated from Italy to the Pond, because of his various injuries and disabilities.  He would have had to agree not to fight again, however, which - ah, who do they think they're kidding?  



* Hates them all!
**  Or indigestion.  You were bolting your food, rather.