Frothing About Films

As You May Be Aware
Conrad likes him some films, and, although he can settle down to laugh mockingly at a bad film, he's also appreciative of a good film.  Of course, your humble hack's idea of a good film may differ dramatically from yours.  I will trade punches to insist that "Leningrad Cowboys Go America" is one of the funniest films ever made, because what can be more amusing than a Soviet-era band from the frigid depths of Mother Russia trying to make their way in that Modern Babylon, South Canada - sorry, we'll say "America" for the duration - and doing spectacularly badly?

The entire film summed-up in one shot

     At present I am typing this and watching "The Big Sleep", which I've only seen once before and have only hazy memories of.  I read the book, so I know how it ends, or should end, but - damn! - it takes a bit of concentration to follow.  Murder and deceit all around.  Also, Humphrey Bogart is not what you'd consider a leading man - if this was remade today you'd have Robert Pattinson or Josh Hartnett in the role. 

A lot more talky than this poster makes out

 He's patently mortal, evidenced by getting beaten up and feeling the consequences, yet you get the sense that small as he is, he's not someone to cross - he proves quite adept at kicking someone in the face, doncha know.
     There we are, Paused, or I'd never get to finish this.
     Let the ritual foaming at the mouth ranting and tanting typing stuff begin!


"The Wild Bunch"
I have joked previously that the above title makes this sound like a Disney animated family-film about anthropomorphic bananas.  If Mike Eisner picks up on that idea, I want a royalty.

Ah.  Someone beat me to it.

     It's a bit of a misnomer, as the Bunch are less Wild than - how can you put it? - oh yes, Murderous.  Driven by a bloody moral code of the Old West, is one way of putting it.  If you don't want to hear your modest artisan holding forth loudly on things - well what are you doing here?
     I rewatched TWB as it came up as a suggestion about "Shootouts" on Youtube, which is a bit like saying "Oh that King Kong chap - large for an ape, rather".  Ahem <puts on Mark Kermode mask> let us tackle the film's beginning.  A bunch of cruel children are indulging in an unpleasant sport, which comes back to echo at the end.
     The film begins with a shoot-out that a normal Western would finish with.  Nor is that all.  The chaps you think are the Good Guys are actually the Bad Guys, and the supposed Good Guys are utter scum.  In terms of moral absolutes there's little to choose between them.  Conrad isn't sure if anyone even wears a white hat.

Pay attention - these are the Bad Guys

     Sam Peckinpah, the director, had declared that he wanted to convey an impression of what violent shoot-outs actually consisted of, rather than any sanitised version.  He also wanted to state that the Old West was gone.

Believe me, these guys can not only talk the talk, they can walk the walk

     Well, in the epic ending shoot-out he certainly gets that across.  Before that he literally wheels on a motor-car, to the bemusement of the Bunch, who have been used to horses as their principal means of transportation.  Pike mentions an aircraft, to be used in "The War".  Though he doesn't specify which one, the film's somewhat hazy timeline suggests the First Unpleasantness.
     Which brings us to the ending.  These chaps know how to go out with a bang, in a machine-gun and grenade frenzy that, too, recalls the battlefields of the First Unpleasantness.  Pike never draws, let alone fires, his revolver.

"Hello, Pike?  Pike?  Can you confirm the anachronistic status of - Pike, are you paying attention?"

     Critics at the time were aghast at the depictions of people getting shot, which is rather Sam's intent.  Not for him the subtle understatement of a Gary Cooper or John Wayne film, when a man died quietly and not incarnadine.  When a victim gets shot in TWB the bullets knock them about, make big holes and leave a lot of the red stuff oozing by the pint.

A Bunch member gets ready to lie down for a nap

     At the end of the film - it was made in 1969 but I will put SPOILER here - the Bunch are all dead bar Old Man Sykes, wiped out by sheer numbers, just as in the beginning where we see scorpions over-run by masses of ants in that horrid game the kids are playing.

Good lord, nearly at count already!  Quick, throw in a bit of quirky nonsense -

Evil Conrad!
As you may be aware, your modest artisan is, frankly, a boor and a beggar when it comes to spelling.  Thus it was at work that I pointed out to the cafe staff they had mis-spelled "They're" on one of their handwritten signs, putting it down as "Their".  A common mistake, and easily done if one's native language is not English.  Their, there and they're all sound the same after all, as do Beech and Beach, and Dear and Deer -
     But I digress.  What I wanted to show you was this - Art?

Presto, in Polish

     Out of a spirit of helping our European compatriots, as Conrad nurses a soft spot for both Poles and sprats, I shall endeavour to write to these people and provide them with immaculate precision English for their tins.  I seek no recompense for this charitable act, because the Poles, in 1940 <Mister Hand intervenes to stop a long and weepy anecdote>