'Twas A Dark And Stormy Night

But Of Course It Was
After all, by definition, night is dark. Yes, yes, unless you happen to live within the Arctic Circle and the sun hasn't set for two weeks and won't for another two weeks, but your humble scribe feels that's being a bit too prescriptive.  

The opposite to this, I suppose.  And without vampires.  Or Josh.

Besides, I was going for verisimilitude.  Tonight is less like a night in white satin and more like a night in an unbleached burlap bag.  Cold and windy and wet, with the day being much the same.  Not cold enough for the snow to actually stick, just cold enough to be disgustrous.
     I guess winter's not over yet.  Also, it's a good job we got a new roof put on in the autumn.  I think the old one would have taken flight by now.

New roof in the offing.  Or onning.

     "What does this have to do with anything?" I hear you ask.
     Well, I was trying to establish what posey French film critics call a mise en scene. A setting, if you would.  And now that I have done so, let us progress.  Voila!

A Guide To BOOJUM!'s Geography
A note to readers who may be  newer to the blog and a little, shall we say, "uncertain" about exactly what they are reading.  Conrad has several hilarious euphemisms for other nations around the world, as well as Britain.  We here are variously the Allotment, the Pond or the Ice-rink of Eden, because that's what we are.  This is not merely Conrad's jingoism at play, either, since a lot of people out there want to dig their own plot here.  Moving on from skirting political controversy, allow me to crash headlong into it instead.
     "Norks":  North Koreans.  Conrad feels picking on them is almost unfair as they make such easy targets.  If "Norks" is pronounced with a feeling of cheerful contempt, then your modest artisan is referring to North Korea.
     "Norks":  Norwegians.  Despite the best efforts of Jo Nesbo to convince the world otherwise, Norway is a wonderful place to live, where the scenery is a good-looking as the people.  A bit pricey, perhaps, made up for having a pretty awesome naval special forces unit called the "Marinenjaegerskommando".  If "Norks" is pronounced with a feeling of fond regard, then we're talking Norway.
     "Sinisters": the Soviet Union.  It's a bit strange to realise nearly a generation has elapsed since the Bad Guys went toes up.  Once again, cheerful contempt, tempered with a certain fond regard, as no nation that produced the Strugatsky brothers can be all bad.
     "Ruffians":  The Russians.  This might sound a bit harsh, but I composed it after Euro whatever, when the Russian football fans misbehaved dreadfully.
     "South Canada": America.  Conrad does not like to be reminded of the consequences of the American Revolution, he politely pretends did not happen, hence we have only Canada and South Canada.
     "Teutons":  Germans.  Again it's a bit odd to recall that there used to be East and West Germany.  Conrad also notes that Germany is the most powerful nation in Europe, a position it has acquired by peaceful means.  Take that Kaiser!
     I apologise for not creating a mildly mocking yet affectionate nickname for the French, but rest assured I'm working on it.

A variation on "Gallic" I think

Why It Is Not A Good Idea To Offend Conrad
I'm not saying that a collection of highly-trained ninja assassinematodes will turn up on your doorstep when, by a very surprising coincidence, I have an alibi, more that there is a tendency in the universe for karma to level the playing fields.
     Thus.

From left to right:  Stacy, Conrad and Kris

     Of course I was unaware at the time of Stacy's hideous girning, and my comment insinuates that I will have revenge.  Indeed I did, as I did one of my Pome's for her goodbye.  If I'd thought of it then I could include it here both increase the sheer hilarity and the wordcount.  Maybe on Monday.
     Then there was her involvement in the charity climb of Mount Snowdon ...

Another Experiment
I have been trying to create this second post whilst watching "The Wild Bunch" which is not, if you have never seen it, a Disney comedy about anthropomorphic bananas.  No, it is a Western that just about nailed shut the coffin of the genre, threw it in a grave one hundred yards deep and shovelled a thousand tons of rock on top.  I will definitely give you the benefit of my attention about this, yet not tonight - this post would probably double in length.  What I meant to say is that I've been idly typing whilst watching and the whole thing's taken twice as long as it should.
     Oh well.

The horror, the horror ...