That South Canadian super-volcano could have popped, destroying the entire Northern Hemisphere, creating such squalid misery that old stoney-face Cormac McCarthy himself would then describe his work "The Road" as a comedy by contrast. Or we could have been roasted and toasted by an errant solar flare, as in that apocalyptic short story by (I think) Larry Niven that the Twilight Zone adapted for a real buzzkill episode. Or, for a change, you could have been invaded by starships full of aliens already, hiding amongst you wearing their human camouflage until the signal goes out, a signal hidden in the text of an unassuming blog post ...
| The signal! |
Or things could be really bad and First Bus become World Dictators.
None of this has anything to do with what follows, but you were expecting that by now, I hope. By the "Bad" in the title I refer to a webpage that Auntie Beeb created, where they dodge the issue of quality by referring to "Cult" films. This annoys Conrad (as so many things do) in the same way that describing "Are You Being Served" as a comedy classic annoys him. IT IS NOT A CLASSIC! NOT NOT NOT! It is, in fact, audio-visual effluent and it is OLD, not classic. Okay? The following are not cult films, they are BAD films. BAD films*.
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| Grace Brothers stricken by mystery arsonist ... |
Now, let us examine what has caused this pother: a page on the BBC website about some films of questionable quality.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-38856191
I get the feeling that Auntie is jumping on the bandwagon somewhat. Conrad, as you may have realised, already has a soft spot for bad films. There is a whole gamut of these out there, as witness The Flop House pursuing them to great effect.
"Why so fond of such foolishness, Conrad?" I hear you ask. I suppose the answer is a variation on Tolstoy's quote about unhappy families - every bad film is unique in it's own drivelling, malformed way. It's possible to better understand a good film by contasting and comparing it with a bad one.
That being said, I have seen "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and quite enjoyed it's barmy bargain-basement brio. Ed Wood might have been an underskilled hack but he had a vision!
Sic Transit Gloria Mundi
Ha! I'm not going to translate that straightaway, so you'll just have to read on and on. It has a vague kind of connection to what follows, namely: Rose Gold.
Conrad, in case you hadn't noticed, is an utter stranger to fashion, and whilst he might draw the line at wearing a potato sack, his tastes don't run much beyond that. So, no tattoos, although this has quite as much to do with pain as any aesthetic discrimination. No piercings - again, see under "Tatoos" for reasons of cowardice. No jewellery either, which is what I wanted to concentrate on. Oh, the watch? Present because it tells the time and if it expires a humble £5 digital one will serve just as well.
What - yes, yes, the i-pod and mobile both have a clock function, I knew that - what I wanted to broach** was Rose Gold. Apparently this stuff has been around for centuries by your modest artisan's first encounter with it was last week, when Catherine was showing off her rings, one of which was composed of Rose Gold. To Conrad this sounds like one of the heroines from a Mills & Boon romance, whereas in real life it's gold coloured by the addition of copper.
Your humble scribe, who is nothing if not coldly rational, rather wonders at this. Would it not be simpler, not to mention much cheaper, just to have a ring made of copper?
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| It's a metaphor you dirty-minded rascals! |
Jim'll Paint It
Some of Jim's pictures are eminently NSFW in terms of nudity or sexual content but gratuitous violence is fine in Conrad's eyes, especially if the script really calls for it, so regard this. Art?
prog
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| Rendered only "Large" to avoid distressing people too much |
Note how the Omnicorp logo is subtly obscured in case Paul Verhoeven gets litigious. He directed Robocop, you know.
The robots above take a little explaining: we here in the Pond have developed a television - okay, it means "Thus passes all worldly splendour" if you must know - a television programme dubbed "Robot Wars"where teams of contestants put forward their own creations to do battle with the "house" robots. These constructs are very robust and dangerous, having been designed with murderous metallic mayhem in mind. I mean the mineral-based type of "Murder"; clearly some of Jim's readers have a different approach to murder. Keep sending in those suggestions, readers, because that way you're typing not fondling the contents of your knife drawer.
* Yes I'm repeating myself but I feel very strongly on this topic.
** Almost a pun.
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