Tonight Without Fish

At Least That Is The Plan - 
You know that voice-over from Commander Shore at the beginning of "Stingray"?
     "Anything can happen in the next half hour!"
     Apart from Stingray flying to the Moon, that is.  It's aerodynamic and airtight but it's not a rocket-ship, and it manouevres thanks to a liquid medium to work against, which would be lacking in cis-lunar space -
     - hang on, how did we get to Stingray in space?
     What I meant was, Conrad can become divergent* at times, going off at a tangent.  This was a real issue last year, as witness the plotting and planning for 3rd February 2014:

A whole 8 words

     I'm not counting "Chocolate" and "Butter" as they are probably** shopping reminders.  With this little to work with, there is a real risk of heading off on a false bearing, going over the horizon of Sense and falling off the edge into Random Wibbleland***.
     Nice to see that the Thomas Pynchon reading list is still in evidence, then and now, over a year later.

Speaking Of Which -
Given that all I have left of "V" is the epilogue, I have picked up "Mason & Dixon" to read, Mr Pynchon's magnum opus of <hastily checks inner cover> 1997.
     There are a few givens in a TP novel.  It will be long <ticks box>, complicated <ticks another box>, characters will have daft names <another box ticked>, and there will be amusing songs scattered within the body of the text <box teck - sorry, ticked>.
     I did start reading this several years ago and can only remember a sentient robot duck.  So, it's back to Square One and Conrad can only wonder at the sheer nerve of Tom.
     For a start, the eponymous title characters are English, not American.  Not only that, one of them is a "Geordie", that is he hails from the Tyne region, with a very distinctive accent.  That Tom gets dead to rights.
     Then there is the style.  The whole novel is written as if in the style of the 1780's, meaning one has to concentrate, especially at the start.
     "But ev'ry now and then, mostly on days of treacherous Wind or Ill-Spirits -' is a typical extract.
     And who were Mason and Dixon?  Two surveyors who plotted the Mason-Dixon Line across America^, that's who!
     Oh - I forgot to add that there will be new and different words in the text.  For example, a "Ha Ha Ditch".

More like "Oh no!" than "Ha ha!"

     This is a landscape feature where a lawn slopes down to an abrupt vertical barrier, one that stops the ingress of animals or vehicles but which does not spoil the view.
     Then there is the "Jabot", which Conrad had never heard of before.  Quite simply:

Lacey ruffles

     A bit like a hangover - makes you feel <ahem!> ruff ...

Okay, That's Too Much Text!
Let us resort to pictures that pump up the volume^^ with little exposition needed.

RAAARGH!

     Edna 1  Box 0
     This is Edna's killing ground, where she feels comfortable killing boxes, bags, bones and Blood Budgies from Birmingham soft toys.  By tomorrow the box will be gone and we shall be ankle-deep in cardboard confetti.

Malleting Praising The Metro
Damn.  This "Sweetness and Light" editorial policy takes a bit of getting used to.
     Okay!  Here we celebrate and applaud The Metro^^^for it's coverage of somebody called "Katy Perry".
     Conrad is aware that this person exists, thanks to the tireless butt-licking promotion of media like The Metro, but he is entirely clueless as to what she is, or what she does.  So, today, her wearing black clothes was a media event.  Or something.

The fashion sense of a Liquorice Allsort

     Conrad cannot summon up the enthusiasm to carry 
     Oh, and there's another article about Madonna, and how she's a "cougar" who needs to molest younger men because the old ones can't keep up with her.
     No, love, it's just that they have, over the years, acquired better taste.  And don't flatter yourself about the "cougar", either.  More like "conger"

Watch out for those steps.

     Mark Everett declined to comment

DAMN!  WE MENTIONED FISH! <sighs> I did warn you. 

Insurgent
I noticed a bus poster for this film today, a sequel to "Divergent", and was immediately struck by the thought "Ah yes good-looking young people in flattering lighting and makeup", and seconds later by the following thought "Where are all the fat, bald ugly vampires?"
     I believe I've banged on about this before.  I can see this film series developing:

DIVERGENT


INSURGENT


And, finally -

DETERGENT


     I reckon it would clean up at the box office.  Whaddya think?

Well, that's about half of what I had planned - and we've hit over 800 words.  Time is the old enemy here, as always, and since I lost The Doctor's phone number I can't squeeze a quick bit of reverse chronometry in.

Finally
A Yellow-bellied Weasel from an easel:



* I'm being frightfully clever here, trust me.
** Probably, but not definitely.  The mind of Conrad is a strange place indeed.
*** It sounds whimsical but it's really  DEADLY DANGEROUS! 
^ For today, the South Canadians can be admitted to be Americans.
^^ I stole this from Marrs.
^^^ Make the most of it, Metro.  It ain't gonna last.