THE SEPTIC SARDINE OF MICHAEL MCKEAN!

What Do You Mean, "Who Is He?"
He was one of the actors in that awesome musical spoof "This Is Spinal Tap", viz:

As musicians get older and their ears more sensitive, the acoustic guitar replaces the electric

     Mind you he was also in the dreadful "Short Circuit 2" so you can see karma balancing out there.
     And he might have had a septic sardine.  Not a pet - because that would make it a zombie - but perhaps a tin that he'd opened one night on the tour bus because fish is packed with piscatorial protein, not to mention Omega 13*, and aging men need that to keep their joints supple, except before he could finish it - er - flying saucers.  Yes, flying saucers! so he slid it under the seat to eat after the laser battle and forgot about it.  Opened like that it would go off pretttty quickly, but because it was stuck under the seat nobody could find it and they had to endure a tour bus that stank of fish, made bearable only because of the ventilation provided by the holes that the lasers made.
     Perhaps.

A zombie sardine.  Delicious with tartare sauce.

A Rhyme About YOU!
Conrad wonders why some days his loyal readers flock to the blog by the dozen, and at other times why the hateful beggars won't venture near.

My audience is an odd kind of beast,

It's not predictable in the least.

It comes, it goes, it stays, it leaves,

It puts on armoured battle-greaves.

Were that it could be anticipated,

And help the blog be higher-rated.

I don't suppose that'll ever come.

What the heck - just enjoy BOOJUM!

I think that last says it all.  I enjoy creating it, hopefully you enjoy reading it**.
     (Oh, that bit about battle-greaves?  Utter lies)

Jimmy Greaves.  Close enough

I Apologise To The Oldham Council Gritters
Given the vile windy wetness of last night I think I might be forgiven, as the gritters drove by the Mansion not once but twice.
     "Ha!" I sneered, looking in the mirror to make sure I got the curled lip just so. "You must be kidding."

Conrad's own Size 10s on the left

      Well no, they weren't kidding, and Conrad ought to have reflected that, in the 18 years he's been present at the Mansion, the Oldham Council Gritters have gotten it wrong once.
     You humans can be rather impressive when you put your mind to it.

The Grim Reaper
Why is he grim?  I know wielding the Scythe Of Death across mere mortal flesh is not a laughter-inducing occupation, yet surely he's gotten used to it by now?  Shouldn't he be "The Slightly-Jaded Reaper"?  Or, if he takes pride in his work, "The Ever So Jolly Reaper" - or then again if he passes his NVQs, "The Professionally-Qualified Reaper"?
     And, whilst we're on the subject, how come this chap works alone?  No union representation?  If not, then you can't expect him to work 24/7, can you!  Thus death ought to work only in 8 hour shifts, 6 at the weekends and Bank Holidays, and I bet you wouldn't find any Hom. Sap. protesting about "Leftie Union Interference", especially those about to pop their clogs at any moment.

"This bloody scythe weighs a ton, you know, and it's a sod to get clean."

     Another thing - skeletal and haggard the Reaper may be, yet he is undeniably male.  How come we haven't heard a chorus from women's rights organisations about Death Gender Inequality?  Let's face it, if we got a Reaper of each gender, it would lighten the poor chap's workload considerably.

Not quite what I meant, but we're getting there, we're getting there ...

     Let me guess - you've never given this feller a second thought, have you?  Working the year round - not even time off at Christmas! - in all weathers across the globe, and with only an hourglass to calculate with - I think the least Hom. Sap. could do is let him have a digital watch.

Which Brings Us To Dan, Brazil Nuts And Allergies
Young Dan of our team at work comes out with some corkers at times.  Today he was alleging that "QI" stated it was possible for couples having <ahem children look away now> sexual congress to pass on sufficient nut traces to kick-start the potentially fatal toxic reaction in those sensitive to nuts.  There was one nut in question that was the big killer and he hunted the information down - 
     - the brazil nut.
     Thank you Dan.  Pushing the boundaries of knowledge good taste every day.

                        You must have seen this coming ...


"Sang Froid"
Conrad has read this French expression several times, and due to his now-over-two-year look at language as part of BOOJUM!'s didactic remit, he can actually make a stab at what it means.
     Back in 2013 this would be the cue for an hilarious misunderstanding and misinterpretation about "Sang Froid" and how it was an Asian vegetable similar to the Pak Choi, blah blah blah - "Oh! It's isn't!"
     NOT TODAY!
     I bet the "Sang" part refers to "blood", probably derived from Latin - Santa Sangria, remember? - and the "Froid" is French for cold, so it's French idiom for someone who is unflappable, unshakeable, unemotional - I say, they mean the English, don't they!
     Wiki confirms it:

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sangfroid

    BOOJUM! - 1  Foreign Idiom - 0


Gerry Anderson Ergonomics:  Spectrum's Covert Tanker
I've mentioned the superbly-realised SPV and MSV, but Spectrum also has a sneaky side and they use a oil tanker to move potential targets around in plain sight.

No!  Damn your necrotic eyes, Art Department!

     Sorry, there simply isn't time to do more on this subject tonight.  Tomorrow!
     (Thinks - didn't the British Resistance move people around via a milk tanker in "The Black Sapper"?)

Finally
I bought these meatballs for 59p and I'm damn well going to eat them!  I don't care if they should have been eaten on Friday and there's a hole in the wrapping, I'm going to get every penny of that 59's worth out of it!

* I stole this from "Galaxy Quest"
** Is this making you weepy and emotional?  Then go tell all your friends!