In fact it's irksome. I know what you're thinking*, "Wow, some matter of deep import has disgruntled Conrad sufficiently for him to use a vulgarism instead of the comparatively innocuous "Dog Buns!" which is the official expression of disgust at BOOJUM!**".
Quite true. Conrad recalled - and no, he can't explain how this popped up in his lucky-dip of a mind - a science fiction novel where people with golden blood were pursued by governments and police and the elderly (and rich) infirm, since said blood cured all diseases. Only, was it literally golden? One doubts it. Who was the author? Who knows! What was the title? You got me there. Perhaps the author's first name was James.
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| Close enough |
I had this down as an article already, as proven by the photograph, and it kind of flows from the intro post, does it not? Of course we all know what it means - to annoy, to be tiresome, to be the stone in your shoe that mysteriously teleported in because you haven't been walking over fields of rubble.
Ah, but where does it come from? There's the thing.
Middle English, actually, circa 1570 AD, from the workd "Irken", which means "To grow tired".
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| Inspiration. That, or drivel - only you can tell! |
"The War The Infantry Knew"
You now have six days left to obtain your own edition. And yes, Conrad will know if you have actually purchased one, or if you're lying and are instead reading "Jurassic Park Towel Origami***" instead.
There are occasional words thrown in by Captain Dunn (the author - do keep up!) that show he was well-read and clever, as with the word "sumptuary".
Conrad has obviously - obviously! - met this word on umpteen occasions before, yet never has he tried to find out what it means. With the didactic responsibility of BOOJUM! now resting on his fairly large shoulders, of course he cannot simply pass it by, as you would a zombie in the gutter.
| Pictures of gutter-dwelling zombies are hard to find. |
Mind you, that's not to say they didn't get through a fair bit of rum ...
And another word has so far baffled Conrad. Used in context, it sounds as if it refers to creeping or crawling - "skimused". Since the 2RWF had spent years in India, Conrad mused that it might be Hindi. Not likely, said Manisha on checking it out. Google was of little utility - "Used Skim Machinery" came up when searched.
I shall, however, persist.
| Close but - I shall persist |
Action And Fraction
One piece of real news that the asinine Metro reported today was the sale of one of the 100 remaining issues of "Action" comic, from 1938.
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| When Clark Kent suffers road rage ... |
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| No Caption needed |
Electrocution!
Young Dan at work is not long for this world. He is playing dangerous games with a cruel and treacherous mistress^, so remember you read the warning here first. Not satisfied with a potentially dangerous phone charger at work -
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| And this is after "repairs" |
Conrad, ever one to egg the pudding, warned Dan to use the back of his hand to turn the plug off, since an electrical charge will cause his muscles to tense and if he tries it palm-first, he's going to lock onto the plug and probably become a human kebab.
Once again Conrad pointed out the major plot hole in "Jurassic Park" where the young boy is grasping an electric fence when the current comes on; in the film he is blasted clear of the fence. In real life the cast list would have become one member shorter.
This is probably why Steven Speilberg is an award-winning film director and Conrad is not.
FILMS
A short digression here as Conrad focusses his lizard-like eyes on a few film posters.
"The Expendables 3"
Here a confession. Conrad has the original "Expendables" on DVD and it's a hoot and a holler kind of a film - engage eyes, put brain in neutral, scoff lots of popcorn. This one, however - well, Conrad thinks that for a bunch of supposedly expendables they stick around for far too long. The tagline is "Never send a boy to do a man's job" which is quite offensively ageist, if you please, and I confidently asserts that young Dan can answer phone queries just as well as Conrad. We shall see if this one makes enough profit to generate number 4. Conrad hopes not - but once again he's not a Hollywood film director.
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| Conrad likes this poster. No, it's not "Expendables 3" May I remind you whose blog it is? |
"A Most Wanted Man"
Conrad read the first line of the plot description on IMDB "A Chechen muslim emigrates to Germany -" NEXT! Far too current-affairy for BOOJUM! to bother with.
"The One Hundred Foot Journey"
Conrad knows nothing about this bar the title. Let us analyse with reason and logic and a glass of Hobgoblin. A journey of one hundred feet would be covered in about thirty seconds, which would make it a ridiculously short film, and it has Helen Mirren in it, so they must be paying quite a bit in the wage bill, so - it's not about travelling a hundred feet.
Then again, it might be that the journey takes one from a starting point, across the surface of the globe and back to within one hundred yards of starting out - except that would be an enormously looooong film, taking days to screen, so - no.
It can't be about a vertical drop from a hundred feet, because that would kill you and once again it would be a very short film.
Tunnelling vertically down to a depth of one hundred feet? No. Helen Mirren is in good shape and looks quite delicious, but she is a small-statured lady and nothing like the mighty-thewed protagonist you would need for a mining movie.
So! By deduction and interpolation we arrive at the conclusion that Helen plays the part of a mutant with fifty feet at the end of each leg, going walkies. I'd pay to see that!
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| Helen's stunt double |
* Quiver in fear, humans, 'cos DARPA are trialling their patent electro-eavesdropping hat
** You can only think this as it's a long sentence with long words and you'd be out of breath trying to speak it.
*** Yes this is a real book
^ Electricity, you bafoon! Not a real woman.
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