Yes indeedy, Conrad will be hosting free tea and cakes for anyone who cares to drop by the Mansion, celebrating his 153rd birthday on Planet Earth*. Trouble is, he's going to the Pub Quiz on Thursday evening, then Friday after work is occupied with a few snifters to celebrate Lowri's leaving, and Saturday morning he's doing overtime.
So. The fruit for the Yorkshire Brack is soaking tonight, ready for baking tomorrow. Let's see if there's time to manage anything else - the ingredients for Chocolate Brownies are all measured out.
Predictably the news today is all about the death of Robin Williams, but the blog will avoid this subject today in favour of a slightly more measured response later. Still, it lays a sombre shadow over the day.
"The Spitting Devil's Cabbage"
Not quite sure why this popped into my mind today. There it is, however.
What is it? A fictional flora briefly mentioned in the sublime "Roadside Picnic", that most excellent** science-fiction novel by the Strugatsky Brothers. From the context it seems to be an extremely dangerous vegetable, worse than sprouts, and it seems peculiarly Russian in constitution. Perhaps - forgive an ignorant Westerner - a version already exists in Russian folklore? If you can imagine walking, talking nutcrackers, and were-swans, a bit of greenery that spits Chlorine Triflouride*** at you isn't that much of a stretch.
| All tooled-up against Spitting Cabbage. Oh, and Mosquito Mange as well |
"Sherlock Holmes And The Breath Of God"
By Guy Adams, not Conan Doyle, Conrad hastens to add. Somehow Titan Books got permission to use the world's greatest consulting detective and his trusty sidekick and biographer - No! Not Inspector Clouseau and Cato! Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson, you bafoon! This is an entertaining romp that also draws in Aleister Crowley, who was real, and also Doctor John Silence (fictional), Julian Karswell (also fictional and quite eeevil) and - roll of drums please - Thomas Carnacki. They all end up investigating or being threatened by what seem to be supernatural entities and forces - or are they?
Silence is a bit obscure -
but if you have ever seen "Night Of The Demon" or read "Casting the Runes" by M.R.James then you will recognise Karswell.
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| Conclusive proof - clowns are scary |
| - and this little piggy - massed in excess of 150 tons |
"Walk Between The Raindrops"
A song by Donald Fagen from "The Nightfly". This occurred to Conrad last night, and also tonight, thanks to the Manchester weather.
I barely made it to shelter last evening whilst waiting for the 24 bus (that old adversary) before Neptune declared war on land and dropped most of the Irish Sea onto Manchester city centre. Then, getting off the bus tonight for the brief walk to the Mansion, what ho! But the same thing happened again.
"Walk between the raindrops?" I thought, with some acerbity^, looking at fish, seaweed and bits of ship that had been dredged up from the bottom. "You'd be extremely knackered if you lived here in Manchester instead of California, Mister Fagen. And, unless you were more nimble on your feet than Fred Astaire, also extremely wet."
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| A rained off concert given by Donald Fagen, honestly |
Yes, mentioned briefly on Facebook last night. Conrad wondered where the word came from, and was delighted to find that it has exotic Persian roots. "Pay" for "leg" and "jameh" for garment.
So, next time you're lying on the sofa of a Saturday morning nursing a sore head after 18 Jaegerbombs and 6 litres of House Special at the Bierkeller, clad in your stripey jim-jams, do please remember that you're wearing leg-garments from Persia by way of India (although the after-effects of your Kipper Vindaloo takeaway will probably prompt you of India regardless).
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| What the Persians would have made of this is a moot point (they didn't have bananas back then) |
Oooh golly! Two foreign phrases in one day.
Whose blog is it?
Exactly!
Right. The phrase above refers to the metal armour worn by Roman legionaries and was formed by bands of metal, held together by brass connections and leather ties. It could be
doffed and dismantled into a very compact form thanks to the way it was laid together.
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| This is a re-enactor - obviously! - since the Romans didn't have digital cameras |
Now, I know what you're thinking - "His arms are bare!". Yes. But when it came to take up arms, matey here would have a shield covering his left arm and side, and in the other hand you witness a large sharp thing which was quite excellent at inflicting pokey death.
* This is a lie, confesses Mister Hand. Conrad was cloned in a tank with 5 million others
** Dude!
*** This stuff is, really and truly, the Devil's venom
^ No! You don't eat it. It means with venom, but a lot less nasty than CF3.
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