So It Goes, I Suppose

Not Exactly Setting The World Alight.  Sorry!
     Conrad, grumpy old man that he is, likes his routine and has stuck to it this morning:  sleep in, shave & shower, downstairs for a great big pot of English Breakfast*, get some serious reading in, tackle a bit of food, bat the cat off the worktop when it tries to sneak a sly lick of the dirty dishes - not exactly rabble-rousing rollicking rock 'n' roll, is it?  A little sedentary, perhaps, but given Conrad's considerable age - 174 at last count - anything too strenuous (trying to open a pot of jam, slicing a loaf, stirring in two teaspoons of sugar) would probably mean a long stay in hospital.

Conrad - able to turn a page with a bit of assistance from the wind

Darling Daughter's Artistic Progress
     I can post this as she never reads the blog (oh, Shakespeare you were right**) but I can't be too catty since Wonder Wifey does read the blog.
     Anyway, allow me to introduce you to one of her earlier pieces of art and design:

GRRRRRRRRRRR!

     There was always an element of doubt about what this metal-plus-magnet actually represented; " mushroom" stated Sally.  "Skull" said the rest of us.  I suppose we can compromise and call it a Death Cap?
     Now check out the artwork below.  This needed to be brought home in the car as it was simply too large for public transport:

No!  The painting, not the pot full of flowers.  Do keep up!

     I think it represents the shapes and colours of the human body - including the insides.  I well remember Sally photographing a collection of butcher's remains on the kitchen table for either this or a similar project.  From what I recall, I made stew from them afterwards, and had to eat it alone.

"Against The Day"
     PP 560 - 54% complete!
     The trouble about Mr Pynchon is that he writes plausibly about what isn't, and writes implausibly about what is.  All this time he had been going on about a mathematical cult dubbed "The Quaternions" that Conrad immediately filed under "what isn't", except that Quaternions do exist, as a mathematical formula discovered by Hamilton in 1843, of the format "i2 = j2 = k2 = ijk = -1"
     What do think of that?

Mathematics.  Scary stuff, eh?

     From what is to what isn't and the surely imaginary word "ovooleaginous".  
     You are right to sound puzzled over this word, as I'm sure Tom made it up to describe mayonnaise in latin.  Go on, go Google and Yahoo! and Webster's English Dictionary and get back to me if you find it there.
     Also this must be the only novel to use mayonnaise as a murder weapon.

"Fabrika za Myoneza"
Mayonnaise factory to you and I

The 29th Divisional Artillery War Record And Honours Book
     Tut!  It is so spelt "Honours" - bloody American spell-checker.
     Yes, I know what you're thinking: "That sounds indescribably dull, Conrad, why don't you retail about polishing your brass hand instead, which, although also massively dull, surely cannot be duller?"
     First I shall have to chastise you for being so cheeky

<posts today's site history visits of those who quibbled on Facebook>

     Secondly, yes, actually the book is a print-on-demand because there isn't much of a demand, artillery unit histories of the Great War being a niche market of a niche market, somewhat like "Set The Needle On Red" which is a collection of lesbian feminist science fiction stories -
     - where was I?  Oh, yes, the text mentions a couple of items of interest.  Firstly:

     Dumezil Mortar
     As you surely know by now, dear audience, a mortar is a low-velocity short-range unrifled artillery weapon.  In this case let Conrad illustrate:

No!  Damn it -

Better.

     As you can see, this is obviously - obviously! - a spigot mortar, that is, one where the bomb in question fits around a projection rather than inside a barrel.  The canny French even had one that operated pneumatically which means no expenditure of explosive to launch but a lot of work pumping it up.

     Maltese Carts
     Another item that Conrad is not familiar with - and no pictures of Maltesers or blood will be spilled - and which formed part of the transport organisation of the 29th's artillery units.  So what are they?  And why Maltese?
     Here is one:

Yes it's a painting.  Once again, whose blog is it?

     As you can see, this is a simple single-draught animal cart with a horizontal body.  But wait!  What's this, hailing into view:

Surprise!

     I bet you didn't know that Maltese Cart ruts existed, let alone them being enigmatic, did you?
     Incidentally, or coincidentally, Thomas Pynchon's novel "V" ends in Valetta, capital city of - Malta!

Rosetta Is Closing In
     When Conrad began to bang on about ESA's Rosetta space-probe several months ago, it was a million kilometres from the comet 67P.  Now it is practically next to the snowy dirtball, down to 70 kilometres.  This means the cameras are able to resolve the shape very clearly, and what we see is nothing that was anticipated:

     It has been described as a "rubber duck" in space, which proves that ESA scientists have a sense of humour (unlike DARPA's sense of humour which runs to BWAH-HAH-HAH!).
     In a few days, once the gravity of 67P has been worked out, Rosetta will deploy the 
Philae robot lander to carry out actual on-site research.
     There you go, Gene Roddenberry validated***.  Also Dennis Hopper.




* Tea, of course.  I dunno, you lot see the word "pot" and imagine the worst
** "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child"
*** "Did aliens build the Pyramids? No. Human beings did, because they're clever and they work hard", ditto Rosetta.