A Modicum Of Militaire

You Know Me -*
Major interest in all things military, and every so often these interests collide or combine from several directions all at once.  Hence today's blog effort, and here an interesting view into the psyche of Conrad.
     "Tornado fighters crash in Italy", which is perhaps a little too recent an item with the aircrew still missing, but that's not how Conrad read the sub-heading on Auntie Beeb; he, of course, imagined that we are talking the meteorological phenomenon "tornado", not the jet aircraft, and he imagined brawny Americans wearing heavy-duty gear in order to be able to combat the wicked weather, somehow gone astray in Italy, perhaps in competition like the cast in "Twister"**.
     The reality is a lot more sombre, unfortunately - which is why BOOJUM! does avoid current affairs.

Twister.  Close enough.

"Gun Fire Tea"
I have just finished Sidney Rogerson's "Twelve Days", an account of a company commander and his battalion during the final days of the Somme offensive in 1916.  Sidney is no fool, and damns the High Command for examples of stupidity and want and waste, but he also outlines the saving graces of life in the trenches, one of which is "Gun Fire Tea".  Conrad doesn't remember reading about this particular brew and Googled for it.
     It is strong stuff, black tea with rum, which Sidney praises as bringing life and warmth to those drinking in a bitter November morning.
     Now, Conrad habitually drinks black tea (for these forty years) and although he isn't exactly fond of rum, has a certain curiosity about what Gun Fire feels like on a Saturday morning.

Gun fire tea in bed at Christmas.  A great British army tradition.
Not sure about the hat, though.

So - Tanks?
Yes.  We've not had any armoured fighting vehicles for ages, so let us break our duck with a genuine oddity - the M551 Sheridan.

Named after a cavalry general, this one ought to have been named after an admiral

     This was an AFV designed to be light, light as thistledown floating on the breeze - well, not quite as it tipped the scales at 15 tons.  The weight reduction was achieved by having the hull made of aluminium which is light compared to steel, but also lacks steel's ability to not be destroyed.  Also, it couldn't be called a "tank" for bizarre bureaucratic reasons, so it was an "Airborne Assault Vehicle". It had a dual-purpose gun/missile launcher that meant using very delicate electronics that didn't like being bounced around when the gun fired.  It could swim, after a fashion, making a dog look graceful by comparison.  It also got used during wargames as "OpFor" vehicles - "Opposing Forces", the rather coy US Army euphemism for "Russians".

Ballet or goosestep?  Only you can decide!

"Sherlock Holmes And The Army Of Doctor Moreau"
Another Guy Adams excursion into a resurrection of Holmes, this one with guest appearances from Professor Challenger and Abner Perry - the former surely familiar to you as another of Conan Doyle's characters from "The Lost World", the latter from Edgar Rice Burroughs and his novel "At The Earth's Core".  Mr Adams takes peculiar glee in serving up these characters whilst recounting the bloody exploits of the Army.
     Actually it's a bit small for an army, "large gang" would be closer to the truth, and it is appositely, and acerbically, described and dismissed by Holmes as a collection of dangerous pets under the leadership of a madman.
     Also, there's no explanation of why Kane reverts - ah, but that would be telling.

It is well-known, to all and sundry.  Well, okay, not sundry - but definitely all!

     The cover picture is a bit of a cheat, too, as it depicts a well-known*** photograph of a German cavalry trooper with the face of a boar - alas there is no such character in the novel.  Bad Mister Adams!  No biscuit!

Pollarded Planes
Yesterday we had a quick trot around the Osier, a member of the Silax family, and how beneficial it had been in the development of early human culture.  Today we visit the pollarded plane tree.

"Crush the humans!  CRUSH THEM!  MASH THEM TO PULP!!
Then they can be used as high-grade compost."

     These things are frankly terrifying and appear to be a cross between Groot's evil cousins from the lower circles of Hell, and what H P Lovecraft would dream up after eating too much cheese at bedtime.
     The idea of "pollarding" or selectively pruning a tree is to keep it at a constant height, and you can see the long row of hostile monsters above are actually all level.  Which is still not enough justification for them.

1 Hard Stick
Yesterday Conrad began to munch his way into the collection of liquorice sweets that arrived for his birthday, including this item:

     This might be the "Hard Stick", or perhaps the "Wand" or the "Flyer" as listed in the contents label.  Conrad must admit whilst it tastes great it does look worryingly insalubrious.

Finally
Edna is excluded from the lounge whilst the curtains are being put up, so she is whimpering and whining in the Upstairs Lair with Conrad, who is apparently barely acceptable as a companion:

Miserable mutt in mooching mode

     You know that expression "hangdog?"  Well Edna is it!



* Actually you don't know me, or you'd be much more worried ...
** Surely Helen Hunt's finest moment.
*** "Well known" to sad obsessives, points out Mister Hand