Normally Conrad's routine of a Saturday morning is to creak out of bed at an appropriately idle hour, certainly not before 9:30, then to dither around on the internet, and then to proceed to drink quantities of tea whilst reading books.
| Fossil Pizza-cone |
<imagine disappointed face> nothing new that I like. Oh well - these did arrive in the post today <imagine the face of an excited child>
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| The chocolate-coated blueberries were a gift. |
Unless you have been living in a cave on the isle of Rockall** with nothing to keep you company but the Bible, the works of Shakespeare and ten thousand seagulls, you will be aware that the television series "Doctor Who" came back to life in 2005 and has been a rip-roaring commercial and critical success. Some episodes are a bit too touchy-feely emo-squealy for Conrad, but the show generally has his approval (Tony Hall, Director of the BBC said he " - was relieved to know that BOOJUM! approves, otherwise heads would have rolled.")
| A rolling stone. Close enough |
And - Peter Capaldi! Splendid actor with a wide range - and a craggy, lived-in face, which gives hope to the like of Conrad, who feared that a member of One Direction was going to get the role. Also, "less user-friendly" sounds promising. Don't forget that the First Doctor was, at times, a tyrannical old scourge.
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| Peter Capaldi as the - no, hang on, wait a minute - |
As you surely know by now, gentle reader, Conrad is loathe to pick up this wretched "free" publication which is provided gratis on buses in Greater Manchester, and which surely only serves to stop people getting travel-sick, as they read the paper instead of looking out of the window. It also makes an excellent liner for cat-litter trays, is good for swatting flies and can be used to stop table leg's from wobbling.
"Current affairs!" I hear you crib and quibble. "Surely BOOJUM! is beyond that"!
Well, I think you'll find that the Metro and especially it's "Guilty Pleasures" section, exhibits all the characteristics of the tabloid media, with a history going back decades. Firstly you have SHOCK HORROR! titles that amp up the drama - "Kate loses a shoelace!" in size 40 font. These take up a lot of space, as do the stock library photos "This is Kate" and "This is a shoe", or a fuzzy blurry photo taken from 1870 yards away that looks like a potato-man in a blizzard of mayonnaise. Then you have the article, which consists of 90% speculation by a journalist who's cranking this stuff out faster than a dance DJ, and 10% unattributable quotes from an un-named source only identified as "a friend" or "a neighbour" or "someone passing down the street" or - the great caveat - "an industry insider".
Free! They should pay me to read their drivel!
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| The SR71 Blackbird Ultra-high speed recon jet. Because I am NOT going to show a picture of the Metro! |
Ha! Conrad used to pretend that he was impartial and unbiased, but now acknowledges freely that he likes what he likes and hates what he hates, and that's the way the world, and this blog too, work. You don't like that? The exit door is THAT WAY!
I did not hurry to get seated by 11:40, for as you surely know, dear audience, the first 20 minutes of any programme consist of adverts and then trailers.
What were in the adverts? there was one about a car, and an annoying one about a dog and personalised bottles of some soft drink, a What On Earth? one about a cat playing a piano***, and a Disneyworld promo which proves beyond any question of a doubt that a life-size Buzz Lightyear is very creepy indeed.
The Trailers
Once again we had "Interstellar" (it still looks interesting), "The Expendables 3" and "Kingsman". Then came "What If", which appears to be a rom-com where Daniel Radcliffe got beaten up, sorry, I just get a bit distracted when Harry Potter turns up in a film and it's not a Harry Potter film. There was "The Hobbit" which I think goes under the sub-title "The Battle of Five Armies", careful now Peter, you're giving away vital plot elements there! Lastly there was "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" done Michael Bay style. Because he's either directing or producing it, or both. It had turtles and a fox, and loud explosions, so pretty much business as usual for Mr Bay.
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| Sorry - where's Megan Fox? |
Overall this was a hoot, and highly entertaining. I worried before viewing that the talking racoon would be an odious little one-liner forever cracking smart, but he's actually pretty likeable; and Groot, for a tree, comes across with peculiarly affecting emotions visible on what passes for his face^; I also liked Drax the Destroyer for his totally literal interpretation of the world ("Over my head? My reflexes are too fast. I would have caught it."). And Michael Rooker is excellent as Yondu, the blue-skinned rascally alien privateer, whom you love to hate. Oh, and John C Reilly, he kind of grounds the thing with an everyday decency, especially when his wife and daughter - but that would be telling.
The beginning needs a bit of attention, or you won't understand what's going on, although realising that Quill has a Galactic Macguffin that everybody wants is a good start. Oh, and the "Guardians of the Galaxy" moniker is dubbed ironically by a third party - this lot of thieves, prisoners and assassins definitely do not start off on the moral high ground, which again pleases Conrad.
And yes, there is a scene after the credits. Like this:
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The Sound Abounds
Or it will do in a while, once I've uploaded this lot onto i-tunes. Yes, Conrad has been to Fopp again, and once again the staff prove that they know music and listen to it - which is why I like to shop there.
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| From top left: Von - Siggur Ros; Simian Mobile Disco Future Islands; The Knife Deerhunter |
Whooops There!
Conrad finally managed to contort the ladders into the corner, between bookcase and game table, so he could put away a stack of books that have been read and need to give way to the more recent arrivals (see top of page).
I now give you - books. More books in a confined space than you ever saw before:
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| Reaching saturation point. No - don't stop buying books - find another hidey-hole! |
* A present from Darling Daughter. See! she does like me!
** Rock Radio 106 ought to buy this crag in the ocean and use it to promote their station.
*** Far, far less funny on the screen than these words imply.
^ No jokes about wooden acting here.
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