The Doctor Is In

 - And Has Been For Nine Years
No!  Not "Grey's Anatomy" or "St. Elsewhere".  Doctor Who.  As you may recall, the programme came back in 2005 featuring Christopher Ecclestone, and has been a whacking big success, thanks to a bit of investment and promotion.  The naysayers are over in that corner, looking embarrassed and angry that the series dares to be an international success and earn a tidy profit for the BBC.  Yah boo sucks to them!
     Over time, we may even see some of the historic episodes (can't bring myself to call them "classic" as some weren't) being brought to light as film canisters in attics and basements get recovered.

In this episode, Barabara gets a perm

Into The Dalek
Possibly the only entity from the series to rival the Doctor himself in terms of popularity, we have - Daleks!
     These have always been a favourite as they take their character development from Snake Plissken - that is, they have absolutely no positive personality traits.  No bother with issues like political correctness, gender, or if you pass port to the left or right, with the Daleks it's down to one thing - can they exterminate you or not?  

Much like these folk.

     If not, they'll go away and come back when they can; they're persistent like that.
     Saturday's episode featured a supposedly "good" Dalek that appears to have it in for every other Dalek there is, and by "have it in for" Conrad means "blam to bits".  The Doctor and friends are miniaturised by nanotechnology* in order to venture forth into the Dalek and repair it from the inside, as it ate a crumpet that was too hot.  Or something.
     We see that this iteration of the Doctor is not altogether squeaky-clean and utterly noble.  He sacrifices one of the Cannon Fodder Members Of The Group, explaining "He was already dead - I was saving us" and also incidentally exploiting said death with a bit of technology.  He also has a constant string of understated insults that he uses when speaking to Clara.  
     I like him!
     Note also that the Dalek describes Peter as being "a good Dalek", which is how Chris got described back in 2005.  Ooh, shades of character definition!

Bernie Ecclestone.  Close enough

     Inevitably, there have been comparisons drawn with an obscure 1960's film about miniaturisation**.  WRONG! Take two Pain Pills and go sit in the corner - yes, right next to the naysayers.  And put a dunce cap on.
     What you should be referring to, obviously - obviously! - is "Carnival Of Monsters", where the Doctor and Jo end up miniaturised inside a MacGuffin facing off the Drashigs.  Alternatively, you may have referenced one of the cartoons from "The Banana Splits", known as "Micro Ventures".

NO! It's not a sun-lamp.  It's the "Micro-Reducer".  A hoot at parties.

     Also, please take note that the human characters aboard the "Aristotle" express worries and concerns about our heroes being Dalek spies - was the word "copies" used?  This is seeding concepts that Conrad will guarantee come back later in this series.
     And Tyres***!
     Also references to Coal Hill School - where the series began in 19693.

"Ambition Pills"
Conrad is not sure quite how he came upon this advert for a patent medicine in the dog years of the nineteenth century, but - there it is.  As with all these pill-form panaceas, the advert promises that they will cure everything from impotence to dental plaque, swinging by wind, gout, male pattern baldness and water retention.

No!  You read the pictures from left to right, NOT right to left!

     Some years later, medical practitioners who were actual real proper Doctors^ analysed these pills to see what they were and what they contained.
     Strychnine!
     No, not a sweet powder you can put on breakfast cereal.  POISON!  Derived from the Nux Vomica plant, and there was enough in a packet of pills - being sold entirely legally mind you - to kill a person if they consumed them all at once.
     If your ambition is to transcend this mortal veil, then these are indeed the pills for you.

Right, I now have to go check the chicken roasting in the Schlemmertopf -

Vegetarians Look Away Now
Conrad is the proud owner of a Schlemmertopf, a German glazed cooking pot that makes cooking joints or whole birds ridiculously simple.  Dunk the lid in cold water, stick the meat in, put in a cool oven for 10 minutes, then raise the temperature.  Leave for 90 minutes.

And the juices and veg render up lots of gravy

     It really is that easy.  Of course, were I mischeivously inclined, I would be loudly declaiming how tricky and fiddly and complicated cooking with a Schlemmertopf is, in order to remain a power in the kitchen. 

"Balneomaniacs"
A word cribbed from Mr. Pynchon's magnum opus "Against The Day", and one which he seemingly cobbled together himself - as several other peculiar, unusual and almost unique words have been.
     "Balneo" refers to the Latin for "bath", and thus "balneotherapy", or the treatment of illness by bathing, hence to "balneomaniacs", those who bathe excessively against the advice of their Doctors^^, in order to cure illnesses.

Bath.  Close enough

I Beg Your Pardon?
This is a phrase we British trot out when we actually mean "I cannot bloody well believe you said that, you salted prannock^^^!"  In this case it applies to Facebook, and their "Suggested Post".  After having endured the recommendation of David Cameron and then the Conservative Party, what is the latest imbecilic post put forward?

     "Professional Dance Experience"

     Conrad, as you surely know by now, is getting on a bit - 173 years old at last count - and is thus both rather delicate and lacking in physical dexterity, not to mention ungainly and clumsy, and taking up quite a lot of space standing still, never mind gyrating across a dancefloor.  In fact he would be grateful if he only had two left feet, rather than pedal extremities that appear to belong to a different person operating in a different dimension.
     Thus Conrad's air of bewildered bafflement with Facebook.

Ace Book.  Close enough
Ah yes, PKD - I think it's spelt "craic", Phil

*  That, or magic.  Conrad leans towards magic, personally.
**  "Forbidden Voyage" or "Fantastic Planet", something like that.  In this episode we don't see Jenna Coleman in a wetsuit, but she does get slathered with slime.
***  From "Spaced"
^ Is there a theme here?
^^ I'm sure I've mentioned this word earlier.