From Theme To Anathema

Perhaps Not Quite That Extreme
     As I'm sure Conrad does not have to remind you, gentle reader, "anathema^^" is an entity to which one takes a wild, prejudiced, violent dislike -

Like Conrad and this mindless meat-bag

    Why is this relevant?
    Well because I had half an idea about making another themed blog, dealing with items of clothing, to wit: Frock, Smock and Cassock.  After that it got a bit harder: a Hassock is something you sit on, a mattock is a variety of small pick-axe, and a pinnock is a small hill in Gaelic.
     Then it struck me.  Rubbing my head and donning my Brodie helmet, I avoided being hit by It again, when I suddenly realised - "A blog about clothes is dull.  Extremely dull!  Lose your audience dull!"
     So.  No clothes*.

Yeah!  Clothes are boring!  Here's a Brodie-pattern helmet instead.

A Little Critical Analysis
     Once more Conrad attempts to get the background to an aspect of life we all take for granted: the giant's rhyme in "Jack and the Beanstalk".  In case you have lived in a cave on Rockall all your life with only the gulls and seals for company**, here it is:

Fee Fi Fo Fum

I smell the blood of an Englishman

Be he alive, or be he dead

I'll grind his bones to make my bread

Let us proceed.  

"Fee Fi Fo Fum" has no logical interpretation, obviously the giant is merely spouting gibberish.  That, or Cornish.  Personally I favour the Cornish explanation.  Don't mock me unless you speak Cornish.  Do you speak Cornish?  Of course not - so don't mock.

"I smell the blood of an Englishman":  a much more interesting line.  Apparently giants have such a keen sense of smell they can individuate people by their nationality.  I wonder what differentiates, say, a Welshman from an Englishman by sense of smell?  Diet, at a guess - Welshmen eat sheep, Englishmen eat beef (the Scots drink whisky***).  There you have it - except the giant is at pains to mention that this is an Englishman, which is why I favour the Cornish option, the Cornish of that time being particular about choosing who they belonged to.

"Be he alive or be he dead":  this is rather puzzling.  The giant is able to determine that Jack is English, but not whether he's alive or dead?  Surely a dead body smells different from a live one?  Unless this is an unsettling psychological gambit from the giant, foreshadowing what Jack's fate will be, in order to render him inactive with fear.  Yes.  That's it.  Unless - how could a dead person have climbed up the beanstalk to the top - AHA!  Got it!  The giant is worried that he's being stalked by a zombie - it all makes sense now!

"I'll grind his bones to make my bread":  this gives us proof of two things: firstly, the giant is no baker; ground-up bones would seriously impede the proving process when making a dough, besides taking an age to scrape clean, dry and grind.  Secondly, he is obviously - obviously! - calcium deficient.  He'd be better-off taking a supplement.

"You wot?  I'm in this year's Great British Bake-Off, you smug git!"

Ratzilla!
     No, not the name of an over-tattooed, invidious, under-talented rapper^.  This is the press name for a giant rat that turned up in a Swedish apartment, coming in at 16" long and weighing over two pounds.  The family cat - sensible chap! - kept well clear until it was dead.  Here the link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-26764929

The killa of Ratzilla

The most interesting bit in the article is a claim that rats may evolve into creatures the size of sheep.  Eventually.  By which time we'll be using rat-pelt as a substitute for wool.  In which case, Jack's giant will have to learn a whole new set of smell-skills for detecting the Welsh.

"Skin me!  Go on - I dare ya!"

      Conrad has no fear of rats - except maybe that thing in the photo above - and has only seen one in the wild.  They are intelligent and affectionate pets, in fact.
     I also dimly remember reading a comic strip back in the early 1970's in a comic like "Victor" or "Hotspur" that featured three giant rats on the loose in England.  When I say "Giant" I mean about the size of a Labrador, and they had been enlarged by some sinister Orientals with a food of arcane description that they smuggled into the country by sticking  in their ears -

I cannot find any comic strips that feature giant rats.  Have this - er - substitute instead.

So - Tanks?
     Not quite.  I'm not sure if I've posted this article before, but it bears repeating.  This is  a photo of an LVTP4 coming out of the water.  Colloquially known as the "Buffalo", this is an amphibian that can carry men, machines or cargo, into the water and out of it, and on dry land as well.  "LVTP" is the uncatchy acronym for "Landing Vehicle, Tracked, Personnel".  They featured on a large scale in the Pacific in WW2, as you'd expect with all those islands, and also in North West Europe after D Day, because there were lots of large rivers to cross against enemy opposition.

Sadly not able to give milk

*  Wash your mind out you dirty rascals!
** In which case how come you're able to read this?
*** Yes, so do the Irish but they also have Guiness
^  Conrad no like rap.  You do? Tough.  This is my blog.
^^ "Anna Thema" not to be confused with "Anna Pavlou", who gets entirely tooo many mentions here.