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Friday, 4 April 2014

A Series Of Unconnected Events

Today, After Having "Themed Blogs", We Have None!
     Yep, can't go spoiling you too often, and besides, it's hard to think of a common thread that can bind the whole typewritten souffle together.
Cool, but not quite what Conrad meant ...
     One possible post, about KLM and their silly toucan-driven advert, fell before the first post.  In fact it dropped dead in the stables - nowhere is there an image online of this bus poster advert.  I made a point of writing down the phrase - yes, I do always carry a pen and notebook around just in case circumstances like this arise - "Keep an eye open for KLM world deals".
REM.  Close enough
Bus Poster Inspiration
     Until a few months ago, bus posters were items that Conrad scarcely knew existed.  Now they help provide instant inspiration for the blog, apart from the one that's mostly in Chinese about a phone service - I think - and no, it doesn't travel around Manchester's Chinatown, it whizzes up and down Rochdale Road, where the only Chinese are to be found in a couple of takeaways.  Hmmm.  I do sometimes wonder about human beings and their sense of logic.
Can't find the advert, so have a trio of narwhals instead.
     "Escape Plan"
     This happened to zoom past Conrad on his walk to the car park.  What caught my swivel-eyed attention was the release date "Out in October".
     "Eh what?" I mused.  "Oh.  Brilliant! This film has gotten free early and is being shown six months early."  Then I reconsidered.  "Oh.  Dreadful!  It's taken them six months to get free."
Early?  Late?  Only you can decide!
     "The Quiet Ones"
     Just so you know this is a horror film, it had text about how it was made by the <insert random film production job here, yea, even down to the man who picks up cigarette butts in the car park with lazy-tong scissors>.
"The Woman In Black"?  A TV fashion show, surely?
     Ah. Yes.  The terrifying quiet ones.  They are so pant-wettingly frightening because they're so - quiet?
     I'm not so sure about this as a title.  If it had been "The quiet ones - watch out for them" then, yes, I could go with that.  Even "The Quiet Ones With Silenced Guns" would work - they're quite because of the silencers, Q.E.D.  "The Silent Stabby Ones" also works, as knives have no moving parts to make a noise.

The Big Palooka
     Not a phrase that one meets every day, is it?  This popped into Conrad's Long-Term Memory Overflow Box.  "The Big Palooka" was a comic-strip from the now long defunct Victor, featuring Jim Ransom, a British detective sergeant on liaison with the New York Police.  He looked rather like Jeeves -
- but behind his back - a machine-gun
     - which tended to give the bad guys the wrong idea, as he was as cunning as a barrel full of monkeys.  In one strip he posed as a market vendor, daring the racketeering bad guys to ram his fruit stall with their car in order to smash him and stall into bits, and ram it they did, hitting it at thirty miles an hour!
     Only to end up in bits themselves.  The "stall", covered with white sheeting to keep the fruit clean, was actually a pair of reinforced concrete blocks weighing in at a ton each.
     Actually that seems like a scenario Jeeves could have dreamed up ...
"Really, sir?  Really?"
     Oh, alright, probably not.



Dan, I Apologise For Doubting
     During this lunchtime I was exchanging witty banter and sage advice with Mike (droll Scouser, newly a dad) and Dan (Team Chatterbox, no competition).  Somehow we got onto the subject of sloths, and then Dan piped up with a statement that sloths and giant anteaters belong to the same phylogenical* family and that a man had recently been clawed to death by a giant anteater.
     Well!  Dan was entirely correct, as this news link proves:

http://thedailyherald.com/index.php?option=com_content&id=46426%3Aman-killed-by-anteater-&Itemid=5

     That'll teach me to wonder and ponder, and also not to mess with giant anteaters.
Awwww! Baby giant anteater riding on the back of it's mum.  Seconds later, it killed the photographer ...
* Before today this may not have been a proper word. It is now.







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