"Either That Or I'm Pregnant"

A Quote Selected At Random
     From "Mason and Dixon", that long and dense novel by Thomas Pynchon.  Just  because Conrad is full of food, not especially sharp and couldn't think of an appropriate title for the day's musing.  Today.  Sunday.  Not just any old Sunday -

Easter peg.  Close enough

     Easter Sunday!  One of the holiest days of the Christian calendar, which means BOOJUM! is going to avoid it altogether.  No politics or religion here, thank you.  Should you wish to debate Eschatology, original sin or how many angels can dance between the layers of a silicon sandwich* - you are entirely free to do so on your own blog, along with all the people you will annoy and infuriate.

Fun With Dangerous Chemicals!
     Let's say you own a fleet of cruise-liners.  Lucky you!  
     The reality of running a fleet of very large ships that need to be at sea as often as possible for as long as possible rather irons any romance out of the job.  One problem is the growth of marine organisms on the hull of your ship, since they will "foul" the aquadynamic profile of your ships.  Docking them and scrubbing the hull clean is a slow, costly process, but what can you do?

Ships, Hull

     TRIBUTYLTIN to the rescue! (C4H9)3Sn used to be present in anti-fouling paint.  This stuff is so toxic it kills all the attempted invasive growth of algae, barnacles, etcetera, kills them deader than dead and keeps on killing them.  The bottom of your ship will be smoother than a baby's.

Tributyltin: keeping bottoms clean - no, hang on -

     Er - there are several problems associated with Tributyltin.  It didn't stay on the painted hulls, it leached off into seawater and poisoned pretty much anything that wasn't a rock.  So it got banned.  Supposedly.  In fact it's so cheap and effective it's still used on a large scale.  Also, it hangs around forever - 30 years, anyway, and it bonds with seafloor sediment just so it can carry on killing.
     Single-minded stuff, Tributyltin.

His sign, just out of shot, says:"Rendered homeless by TBT.  Will play for food"

An Organisation Desperate For A Good Acronym
     The decision to ban TBT was taken by the Byzantinely named (deep breath) "International Convention on the Control of Harmful Anti-Fouling Systems on Ships of the International Maritime Organisation" or ICCHAFSSIMO, which sounds like a brand of Italian coffee-making machine. Really, come up with snappy, or snappy and relevant, acronym and I bet there's folding money in it for you.

Acronyms are dull.  Here's a picture of the Ring Nebula instead

Excuse me for a brief tea break, I've finished this cup and the big teapot is downstairs in the kitchen -

Resupplied!  I'm now on my fourth packet of Russian Caravan Tea, only two left, horrors!
I suppose I'll go back to Darjeeling.
     Anyway, less of tea snobbery and on with the motley**!

Saved by a bucketful of tea!

Actually back to tea  
     I have the baby Bodum at work, and - obviously! - being a tea snob Conrad loaded it up with loose-leaf.  Not a good idea.  The resultant mass of tea-leaves is difficult to get rid of. I could go for the "Dirty Dastard" option and just dump them in the sink as with all the cups and glasses that the dirty selfish thought- <Mister Hand intervenes to direct back on topic> yes indeed!  So I now use the Darjeeling teabags that Darling Daughter bought by mistake instead of loose leaf, and by Jove! they are so much neater and cleaner.

The Baby Bodum

Football Club Names
     Here Conrad has to point out that he is not a proper man***, since he knows nothing about that arcane sport the Germans very aptly dub "fussball".  Not that ignorance of a subject has ever led him to be coy about making grand sweeping statements about it!
     
     Arsenal     

     So.  Let us look at one club - "Arsenal".  This name is, of course, a gift to the vulgar - BUT! - Conrad ain't going there.   Don't forget what you are reading - this is BOOJUM! - no religion, politics or swearing^.
     By a strange twist of fate, Conrad is aware of the origins of this name.  The club was originally "Woolwich Arsenal", named after the enormous factory producing arms and ammunition for the British Empire.  Building bang for Britain! you might say.  Over time the "Woolwich" part of the name got dropped, and now they turn up at European fixtures translated as "Munitions Producer", one presumes, probably convincing the Russians that they were right all along in the Cold War.
     
     Sheffield Wednesday

     Okay, Conrad understands that there are two teams in Sheffield.  This team (what Dave Kerry would call "the proper Sheffield team") and Sheffield United.  Very well, the two have to differentiate. Why pick "Wednesday"?  A bit arbitrary.  What about "Rangers", "Rovers" or "City"?  And if a day of the week, why not "Saturday", since this is more associated with football than the mid-week?
     Yes, yes, I could Google for a reason but it's more fun winding Dave up this way ...

     Oldham Athletic

     Hmmm.  Don't tell me, once upon a time there were two teams in Oldham.  Oldham Lethargic, however, didn't last very long, leaving their differentiated neighbours to shoulder the mantle of being the solo team in Oldham.  Am I right?


     West Bromwich Albion

     Surely the third name here is superfluous?  If your club is called "West Bromwich" then diction, spelling and accent all confirm that you are located firmly in the vicinity of England, not the Sanjak of Novi Pazar, the Bavarian Alps or the plains of Lombardy. Or is there an obscure township in Stregelia County, New Mexico, called "West Bromwich", established by settlers in 1832, that our West Bromwich needs to differentiate itself from?

I confidently expect this blog to arouse ire, indignation and irritability at work on Tuesday, and I may be able to think up some more derogatory words beginning with "i" by then.

Finally - 
     I know I said no religion, but a dog wearing an Easter bonnet - we can make an exception for that, can't we?

Don't really need a caption here ...

*  Yes, sand is made from silica, o the delicious irony, eh?
** It means "on with the show"
*** Nor a proper human, either (pulls camouflage skin to one side of eyeball a la "Cocoon")
^  Except maybe in Russian without a translation