Today we have a bit of a theme, lower down the metaphorical ladder. Firstly we have to visit - Andreivia!
See Andreivia! While It's Still There!
Andreivia (Population 5 million) is a post-Soviet republic that borders both Turkey and Armenia, with a small coastline on the Black Sea. The landscape ranges from coastal plains to mountains in the interior, some of these being heavily forested with pine and birch. Mount Tatraz (Ht. 956m) has snow on it's peak all year round and offers the hardier tourist the opportunity to ski, and is also home to the "Cherniy Mor" eagle, a distant relative of the European Eagle.
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| Mount Tatraz. A national monument, so - please - no boob jokes. |
Andreivia has long been known for the hospitality of it's natives, as long as you're not local, in which case it it known for the hostility of it's natives. This is due to the centuries-long feuds running between the Turkish Andreivians and the Armenian Andreivians. Whilst Andreivia was an "autonomous enclave" (i.e. totally controlled from Moscow) of the Soviet Union, any such disputes were pre-empted by brute force applied by the Red Army. Since independence, these internecine feuds have escalated into something approaching civil war.
| Civil war is horrid. Let's have some orchids instead |
NATO, seeing an opportunity to embarrass Russia and pull her armed forces away from the Ukraine and Crimea, is considering an intervention on humanitarian grounds. Whilst this might suppress the fighting, it is far more likely to draw the Andreivian army and gendarmerie into the struggle, depending on how those organisations feel about armed Western intervention.
This weekend is a crucial one for Andreivia. Expect BOOJUM!, via it's correspondent on the ground, to report back on what happens.
A Whole Lot Of Punch
This bit of the blog was inspired by a bus poster* Conrad spotted early in the morning. Despite not having seen any of these films, that WILL NOT PREVENT him sitting in magisterial judgement on them. Oh yes!
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| A Hole punch. Close enough. |
Love Punch
Featuring Pierce Brosnan and Emma Thompson. No, they aren't bright young things any more, are they? That's why this one might work - a pair of ex's getting together to reclaim their retirement money. "Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill", to recap a quotation - can't recall who quoted it, sorry! Conrad being a bit long in the tooth himself might also bias the criticism.
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| There's Emma. Not bad for 87, is she? |
Sucker Punch
This farrago** I do not feel so generous about. It looks a mess, the plot sounds silly and all it seems to have going for it is attractive young women. Probably not wearing a lot. No, not even that will coerce Conrad into watching it. It's three years old, it'll crop up on telly soon. And a rating of 6.1 on IMDB? Tut. Someone's been fiddling the figures. Not only that, on a budget of $82 million, it made back $89 million. "Oooh! Oooh! That sounds good!" I can hear you naive young things squeal. Ahem. Distribution and publicity will have eaten up that $7 million profit five times over. After all, you don't see any plans for "Sucker Punch 2", do you?
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| Rum punch. Close enough. |
Punch Drunk Love
This one sounded interesting, if nothing else. A novelty product salesman is inveigled into a romance with an English woman whilst being blackmailed by a man running a phone-sex business and all the while buying tons of pudding.
The director is Paul Thomas Anderson, who also did "Magnolia" and "Boogie Nights", both of which Conrad has seen and liked. Not to be confused with Wes Anderson, who did "Rushmore" which Conrad is currently watching.
I have to ask - what kind of pudding? Baked? Chilled? Steamed? With custard? Flambe? Ah - sorry. The baker in Conrad coming out.
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| Strawberry Punch Pudding. Look, two out of four's not bad. |
Zildjian
Sticking with the Caucasus motif, here we have a name known to anyone who's ever hit a bit of skin tautened over a hollow wooden cylinder^.
Zildjian make cymbals, those metal dish-shaped objects that hang in profusion off every drummer's kit, and which either make a sibilant hiss when stroked with a brush stick or which split the eardrums when hammered with a mallet. If you want cymbals, go listen to Pink Floyd's "One of these days". Or you could read James Blish's fourth volume in the epic Okie quadrology, "A Clash Of Cymbals".
What are Zildjian cymbals made of? Ah, that's a family trade secret. The Zildjian daughters know what it is, them being the 14th generation of Zildjians to inherit the details, but you and I, dear reader, will never know.
Unless one of the Zildjian sisters reads BOOJUM! Stranger things have happened.
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| No it is not a metal frisbee! |
Hit With The Coincidence Hammer. Yet Again!
Whilst perusing the intranet at work, Conrad came across a list of Frequently Asked Questions about his still un-named place of employment. The very last question was about what was being done to preserve the age-old mill discovered whilst excavating the car park.
"We will be working with Greater Manchester Archaeological Unit to wibble wibble wibble -" excuse Conrad for blanking the end of that sentence, for whom did he work for in the mid-1980's?
No! Not the council section that counts lamp-posts. GMAU - Greater Manchester Archaeological Unit. Conrad hewed and dug and sketched and drank matte on the Castlefield dig, I'll have you know.
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| Matte. A type of South American herbal drink. Yes it is legal! |
Right. Here Is Today's Cake -
Danish Apple Cake. Most definitely not gluten-free, and covered with nuts, But! It is made with apples, so it counts as one of your Five A Day.
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| All the excuse you need, eh? |
* Thank you First Bus. You are an inspiration clad in diesel fumes.
** I wonder what the root of this is? Sounds suspiciously close to "Farage"
*** Just testing there is no *** tonight
^ Drums!
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