Today's Theme Is - FilmNope, I

There You Go
     Here we are - film, defined as " film is a thin continuous polymeric material. These thin plastic membranes are used to separate areas or volumes, to hold items, to act as barriers, or as printable surfaces"
     No, only joking - I mean "Film" with a capital EFF!

EFF in Film

Firstly, The Oscars
     That's Quite Enough Of That*!

Secondly , Faible Couture
     If the Oscars are haute couture - and, obviously, they are - then let us cast our bloodshot twitching scrofulous eyeball over faible couture - low culture for those who don't speak French.
Yes, I mean "The Razzies".  For years the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation has been nominating and awarding Raspberries for films that are BAD.  Whilst the Oscars like to look at the good films, the good actors, the good scripts, the Razzies gloriously revel in the worst that Hollywood has to offer.  Hollywood et al, really.

Looks great, tastes awful

The nominations for 2014 are still being taken, so I can't tell you what will scoop up a Razzie or two.  Sylvester Stallone is up there, as is Johnny Depp, and Lindsay Lohan.  Check out 

http://www.razzies.com/

For more cinematic drivel than you ever believed existed.  

Let it be noted that the 1995 winner for "Worst Film", Paul Verhoeven, was brave enough to turn up and collect his award for "Showgirls".  The film was something of a flop when released, only making $37 million back from a $45 million budget.  It then developed a cult following which the studio encouraged, ramping up the "It's so bad!" image, and IMDB claims it made $100 million in video rentals <insert smutty joke here> which must be true since IMDB also lists a "Showgirls 2" which Conrad won't be fitting into his schedule any time soon. Or any time at all.

"Lunatics - A Love Story"
     I'm making this entry up as I go along.  Whilst reading Bruce Campbell's autobiography <pauses to give a salute to Bruce> I came across his involvement with the above-named film, which I'd never heard of.

Nope, I don't know why he's wearing a suit made from foil, either

It rates 6.3 on IMDB, which translates as "Worth a watch".  No details about how much profit it made, but the budget totals $650,000, which is about the catering budget for a contemporary film.  Bruce himself <pauses to give a salute to Bruce> states that it made a small profit back for the investors.  He is careful not to say exactly how much, because, being Bruce, he's careful like that.  Oops, nearly forgot <pauses to give a salute to Bruce>.  He has a small acting role in the film, but actually did a whole lot of production work before filming started and whilst it was being shot.  Bruce <pauses - hang on, let's just take these salutes as given, okay?  Or we'll be here all evening> managed to convince/con/confabulate a lot of local businesses into providing goods or services in return for a share of the profits.  I think he also used this technique in "My Name Is Bruce" but I'd have to check up on that.

"Hello Health and Safety? I'm your BIGGEST NIGHTMARE!" 

Harold Ramis
     I said I might do a tribute to Harold.  Here it is. 

Harold.  A pensive moment.  Having an unlicenced nuclear acclerator strapped to your back can do that.

     In terms of statistics, you're looking at a man who wrote 19 films or screenplays, including"Animal House", "Caddyshack", "Analyse This" and "Bedazzled."  He appeared in or voiced another 23 films, and directed 14, including "Multiplicity", "Analyse That", "Groundhog Day" and "Ice Harvest".
     Oh, and a little-known cult classic known as "Ghostbusters", that inexplicably managed to make over $400 million.  That's 1984 millions, Vanushka, you'd probably have to double or triple that amount today.
     And of course, all the statistics ever printed wouldn't add up to anything if the man hadn't made me laugh.

John Carpenter's "The Thing"
     Although he is an accomplished musician, it is as a documentary film maker that we best  know John Carpenter.  A man who treads where lesser men wet themselves and run away, his shocking exposes on politics, fundamentalist ideology, justice, science and religion have justly made him renowned across the world.  His fame is possibly at the lowest level of recognition in his home nation, since the US government has relentlessly sought to either suppress, distort, edit or slander his films.  What are you so scared of, Uncle Sam?

"The Thing" won the 1982 Palm D'Or for Best Documentary 

     Let us now look at the classic ending of John's "Science" documentary, shot at Outpost 31 of the US Antarctica Research Program.  John had originally flown out to this inhospitable and incredibly isolated location in 1981 to film an all-male research crew, entombed in the icy wilderness, seeing what tensions and stresses arose in such an extreme environment.
     Imagine how he felt when the discovery of a mysterious disaster at Camp Donning Maude revealed at extra-terrestrial of indescribable horror - he couldn't get away, so he remained on-site, being his own editor and cameraman.  I shan't go over the rest of the film as it is already highly familiar to audiences.

John shot with a Steadicam because "the cold made my hands shake too much for a hand-held"

     Anyway, the final scene has always resonateded.  McReady and Childs, the only survivors apart from John, are facing each other in the wrecked camp.  Viewers always ask - "Is one of them infected?  Or are both of them?  Could one or both of them be a Thing?'
     Don't be daft!  John was sitting there two feet away, filming.  An overflight by a New Zealand C130 Hercules reported the fire and within six hours a rescue team had arrived.  If any of the three had been infected, we'd all be Things by now.  Don't forget - 1362 days to assimiliation!

And Last Of All
     As ever, BOOJUM! seeks to render cuddly and lovable those creatures nature forgot to bless with charm, cuteness or the ability to mimic humans in amusing ways that will turn up on "You've Been Framed".
     Currently our charity basket-case is the Walrus.
     This is a hard sell.  A walrus is basically a mobile mountain of blubber - 

"Hey!  A hillock at most!"

that looks ridiculous, until you notice the gigantic elephant-disembowelling tusks.  Then it looks freaky and wrong.  More sensitive walruses have been known to try and disguise their potato-like faces with a moustache - 

 - which only goes to prove that one should not learn the art of disguise from Roadrunner cartoons.
     Anyway!  I did discover a poem by Lewis Carroll entitled "The Walrus And The Carpenter", and was going to promote this as a splendid example of l'aissez faire, until I read it and found that the walrus scoffs down an enormous quantity of naive young oysters.
     Bugger.  Walrus-promotion.  Really, it's not easy.