Ketchup Heinz

Ah.  The Perils Of Not Erasing
     Conrad was poring over the handsomely-scribed notes in his Wonderbag Memo Pad and came across the note: "Ketchup Heinz".  This memo pad is where he makes notes on basically anything that pops into his head, to be referred to later when creating the Blog.       Oddly enough this note did not trigger any associations.  Nothing punny or satirical or - it's not anything astronomical, is it? 
     Nope.  There is no Ketchup Heinz Galaxy.  Nor an asteroid dubbed Ketchup Heinz 57.
     Looking closer revealed "Shampoo" as an item, crossed out.  
     A shopping list!  With one item not crossed out.  
     A bit mundane.

Shopping lists are dull, baby, dull.  So here's a Supernova instead.

Hello Saint Christopher?
     I've not needed to take heed of that Grecian deity Hermes for a while, me being on  leave, having lie-ins until the decadent hour of 8:05.  However - if either Hermes or Chris (patron saint of travelling and travellers) get cross then I have problems.

This is the "Hill" in "Tandle Hill"

     This is the bus stop mere yards from the Mansion and you can see all the way to the centre of Royton, a mile distant.  
     Why is this an issue?  Because, as I said, if Hermy or Chris are out of sorts, feeling unworshipped or stub their toe en route to the bathroom, the traffic can back up to the car you see at centre right.  This adds one hundred and sixteen hours to the journey and necessitates using time travel to only arrive at work five minutes late.

Luckily I know a chap with one of these ...

Wow.  This Is A Bit Creepy!
     I've just been reading "The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes" and at one point Conan Doyle refers to a villain attempting to pick up a life-preserver.  This is not what you might think -

US parlance: a life-preserver.  UK terms: a life-belt

     Feast your eyes on what the author actually meant:

The definitive blunt instrument

     I am also watching "The Monkees" on my laptop as I type the blog, and no sooner am I about to write a short article on the "life preserver" than Micky Dolenz appears in full Sherlock Holmes garb - deerstalker hat, meerschaum pipe and long overcoat.
     Now, what are the odds of that happening by chance, eh?  I'm sure Philip Dick would have an explanation for it.  Phil?

"All that weird crap you eat has finally blitzed your mind, Conrad.  It's the only possible reason."

     Gee, thanks, Phil.  Get back in your box!

Ta Very Much, Subconscious
     As promised, Sub has ensured more interesting dreams.  Last night's involved a cross-Party visit by Northern Ireland politicians visting a vandalised train and being attacked with bags of flour thrown from passing cars.  Which all missed.

Your aim sucks!

Mystery Towers
     Back in 1918, someone at the War Office had the elegantly simple idea of coping with German U-Boats sneaking into the Channel; we would barricade the Channel!
     Simple in concept - alright, a bit bonkers in concept - sixteen giant towers would be built to be placed across the Channel, which they would command with guns and netting.  Any U-Boat trying to get through - Hah!  They'd be for it.

Cost: £1 million each..  In 1918 pounds.

          The Armistice came round in November 1918, by which time only two of these monstrous towers had been built.  You can judge their size by the scale of people seen standing on the top of them.  The plan had been to tow them to site, then flood the honeycomb concrete base to provide a platform.
     Impressive, are they not?  This is only Part One of their story.  Join us tomorrow for Part Two!

So - Tanks?
     No!  You've got the Mystery Towers, that's quite enough for you.
     Instead you can have The $6 Million Walrus.  Potential TV series.

Waterproof, comes with giant fangs but a bit slow on land

     Focus groups from Atlantis loved it, everyone else a bit wary.

And Finally -
     No blog would be complete without the gross moral turpitude* of exploiting small cute animals in the name of blog traffic.

Seconds later, she ate the duck**

*  Conrad's long-winded way of saying "bad"
**  Completely untrue.  But amusing***.
*** To Conrad.