Which, I take it, means it stooges around looking cool and hard, letting others do the hard work before sneaking in and taking all the credit/antelope carcass. Then it gets eaten?
Hmm. Some metaphors don't really translate terrifically well. What do you think, Clarence?
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| Clarence, unable to read, failed to comment |
Unfortunately we had to return the last one under warranty, as it's laser-eye cannons tripped at normal stimulii. Having your morning cup of tea vapourised in a cloud of ceramic splinters because your idiot cat's malfunctioning software identified it as "incendiary flammable liquid threat" gets old after the second time.
Anyway, meet Cyborg Sentry Cat Mod#3:
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| Don't worry, we'd just removed the bubble-wrap. It didn't travel loose! |
Maintaining The Disguise
As regular readers (and possibly MI5) know, Conrad maintains his human camouflage in order to blend in. I cannot report back to that starship invasion fleet were I under arrest, or detained in a laboratory, or being retained as a technical advisor to "Doctor Who"*.
"How do you do it?" I hear you asking - yes, I have very sharp ears - "How do clothe your loathsome alien appearance in order to remain pleasing to Hom. Sap.'s eyes?"
The evidence:
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| These are called "shirts", about to be put upon "hangers" then into a "wardrobe". Stop me if I get too technical, okay? |
For any male cinema-goer of a certain age, one of the most awesome bitchslap-fights on film is, of course, that between Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley in her Loader Exoskeleton and the Alien Queen in "Aliens". Remember this?
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| Ripley. Human but even so Conrad do love her. |
What does miserable 21st Century technology create as an exoskeleton?
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| What! You can't even see it thanks to the camo! |
Ripley still fit tho'**
Should Have Been Taking Notes ...
One of Conrad's more longer-term projects has been creating a screenplay for the John Wyndham novel "The Kraken Wakes".
No, this is not a novel about a funeral for a Norwegian sea-monster! It is about an alien invasion of Planet Earth that is more subtle than any you can imagine - at first. When the aliens are beaten back from their first attempts to subjugate humanity, they -
Ah, but that would be telling!
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| A pretty accurate cover picture, actually |
The outcome of these alien's actions is global flooding, which affects the UK beyond the norm since we're an island in the first palce. At first the protagonists remain in London but eventually move to Rose Heath in Devon, travelling by boat.
Aaaand here I should have been taking closer note of the real-life calamitous flooding that has taken place in the south-east. O well, I suppose by the time this screenplay sees daylight (2025 at current progress) there will have been more floods.
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| "There will have been more floods! Lots of floods! Floods everywhere! In fact it's a -" |
I did write the opening scene down but cannot find it at the moment. Anyway, picture if you will, a close up on a man and woman, sitting and discussing matters.
The camera pulls back, to show them sitting on a rooftop. Switching to a side view, we see that water comes up to the eaves of the house. A small boat is tethered off to a partially-submerged road sign alongside the house, the upper part of which sign reveals enough lettering to decipher "Falmouth". As the couple disuss writing a book, the camerapans around behind them, looking over their shoulders and into the English Channel.
Which is full of icebergs ...
And To Finish
It seems a lot of people only read this blog if there are Cute Puppeh Fotos. Well here is one!
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| The little lady tired out |
** This is impartial alien analysis and therefore not sexist at all, oh dear me no.
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