My Cup Runneth Over

Almost Literally -
     Today we begin with that quote from Psalms 23:5.  What greeted Conrad when he abseiled into the kitchen from the garden assault course?  Why this chap!

Teapots.  Definitely a Middle-Aged Man thing.

     This is a classic Bodum design with integral plunger and a short spout - and for only 50p.  Ha ha - yes I am gloating.  Thank you Wonder Wifey!

Humanity - 7 Out Of 10
     I refer - obviously! - to the Rosetta space probe that has re-activated and is even now homing in on Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko* across the reefs of space.  The plan is to drop a lander (called Philae) onto the comet, which will then report back about what it finds.  No, Valeria, there will not be exotic, barely-clad green-skinned nymphets lounging around on the surface of 67P!  On Mars, perhaps, but not on 67P**.
     Auntie Beeb has more detailed information, here the link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26683763

Rosie and Phil***

     Why is this achievement so impressive?  Well, cast your mind back to that film "Armaggedon" ...

Fun With The Elements
     Today we have <trumpets & drum-roll> Francium!
     Look, don't blame me for the names these elements are given.  Yes it is named after France, not Anne Francis, Saint Francis nor Francis Rossi.  France.
     Anyway, you know how the panda almost wilfully tries to make itself go extinct?  That's francium for you.  It isn't possible to state what it looks like as it spontaneously destroys itself with it's own radioactive breakdown.  Scientists can only create minute quantities - smaller than a 1/8th teaspoon - of Francium.  If you broke down the Earth's crust to look for francium, out of uncountable trillions of tons of crust you'd get an ounce of francium.
     What is it good for?  Well, apart from flattering the Gallic ego (it's discoverer was French) - nothing.

Illustrating "nothing" is tricky.  Here's some frog's legs instead.

     Hmmm.  Okay, the next time we have Fun With The Elements, I'll pick one that's a little more - fun.

That's Quite Enough Of That!
     The "That" in this instance being a gigantic  billboard featuring a BMW with the legend "Barks as bad as it bites".
     Ohhhh where to begin!  I think this must either be a poster only put up this morning, or possibly even the agency that created it are embarrassed, because it doesn't crop up on the internet anywhere.  No, the closest you can get is:

Big!  Red!  Penis substitute!

     As you well know, dear audience, Conrad sees cars as metal boxes on wheels that go from A to B; that is all.  They do not magically cure male-pattern baldness, charm magpies out of trees, teleport through traffic jams or romance women into one's boudoir**.  I have now decided that the BMW is to be known henceforth as the "BuM-Wagen", pronounced "Bum-Vah-gehn".  So, in future, if you do see the above-mentioned poster, picture the vehicle farting rather than barking.

Rio 2
     I haven't seen this animated film AND NEVER INTEND TO! before you ask.  No, seeing the poster glide by on a bus is warning enough.  Bright primary colours - Pah!  I haven't seen "Rio" but I bet I'd hate that, too.  Bloody chirpy, cheerful, merry happy chappies - who needs 'em!

A bulldog?  What the heck?  Why a bulldog?  Do you say "Rio" and immediately think "Bulldog!" (cont. Page 94)

     The depressing thing about "Rio 2" is that it exists.  Well, not just that, I mean that "Rio" made enough money to goad the studio suits into financing a sequel.  I hope they feel cheap and dirty, except that's business as usual for film executives, isn't it?

Oreo 2.  Close enough

Conrad Versus Cornetto
     Yesterday saw a venture to Tandle Hill Park, full of people walking dogs, and trees and daffodils, plus the cafe was open and Conrad had some money, plus a penchant for something sweet.
     Behold the epic struggle between man and munchy:

That's me lying down to eat it

     No, that's me just lying.  Rotate your head 900.

So - Tanks?
     Yes indeedy Ally Sheedy!  You may recall that, last year, I posted a picture of the "TOG" tank at Bovington Tank Museum, a truly enormous piece of kit, proof that the Germans were not alone in being able to create metal monsters.  Well now, say hello to the Tortoise:

Warning: not suitable as a domestic pet

     This beast weighed in at 80 tons, and consequently was very slow - about a fast walking speed off-road.  The 32 pounder gun had shells so big it needed two men to load them (I refer you to the BMW caption!) and it was tested on German tanks, which it turned into great big sieves.  Unlike the big German tanks it was reliable, which is  giant stride forward for British tank design.  Unfortunately, or not, depending on your viewpoint, WW2 finished before it saw action.

* Russian name balanced by Ukranian name, so all is in harmony
** I am quite prepared to be proved wrong on these points ...
***  by a strange coincidence, the names of my pub quiz partners