If It Is Also Best Served Cold
- then we can all agree it must be ice cream. Also, there is a Sork teen drama with the same title, and if Art will put down his anthracite lollipop -
I've never heard of it. It's plot seems to revolve around revenge via mystery phone app, which mention of the Devil's Digital Device has killed all interest in it for me.
ANYWAY inevitably we need to define 'Revenge'. There is one example I have to hand, from Ambrose Gwinnet Bierce: "Revenge, n; Sending your girl's love letter to your rival after he has married her."
More formally, as per my "Collins Concise English Dictionary" it means 'The act of retaliating for wrongs or injuries received; vengeance." Originating from Old French 'Revenger' in the 14th century, it ultimately derives from <hack spit> Latin, 'Revindacare', meaning 'To vindicate'. Art!
This is supposed to be a satire, with a lot of blood and gore along the way as the Revenger revenges, until everyone in the cast is dead, including Ol' Revengy. Sounds grim. Probably one of the inspirations for cheerful chappy Dostoyevsky and 'The Possessed'.
ANYWAY what we're going to be dealing with in this Intro is, indeed, revenge, with zero body count. Sorry about that.
Our tale begin with the narrator, MIddle Manager Suffering Yark, hereafter MIMSY. 'Yark' in this case means 'Slanderous and defamatory blather'. They were three and a half years into a four-year contract, running a team doing vaguely-defined admin tasks. Can't apply too much detail, the lawyers are always listening. Enter Stalking HOrse Concealing Karen, hereafter SHOCK. Pay attention to that name. SHOCK, another middle manager but female, decided to try and prevent MIMSY's contract from being renewed, apparently out of sheer spite or to replace him.
A whispering campaign began. Art!
Horizontally and vertically, people began to be openly critical of MIMSY, where they didn't simply ignore him. Things came to a head when SHOCK threatened to make a fake sexual harassment claim against him, in front of witnesses.
MIMSY went to their mutual manager, Darth Insidious Exemplified, hereafter DIE, whom laughed at him, told him to deal with it and take it on the chin since he was leaving soon. Not if his contract is renewed, DIE, except you seem to be making assumptions on unrevealed evidence.
Well, it turns out that MIMSY is not a person to mishandle without suffering consequences, because he came back at DIE very hard indeed. This is his Revenge Part One, because, as you may have guessed, his contract was not renewed. Art!
He had written the SOP and retained authorship, NOT the business, so he simply shredded the lot, as were his instructions on how to create and deliver reports, as well as required inspection reports. Since MIMSY also dealt with training and certification, he ensure everybody's training expired the day after he left. The checks and balances procedures ended up as confetti.
MIMSY also went the extra distance. Art!
This is a white noise generator that he hid in DIE's office, which would randomly make - you may be ahead of me here - white noise at random intervals. Being a rather thorough rapscallion, he also bribed the janitors to move DIE's desk half an inch per night.
We're not done yet. He also anonymously reported to corporate HQ about the dumpster fire he'd left behind, as he changed his phone number and moved out of state. DIE was investigated and promptly fired, as were all his peers, including SHOCK, who now had the same employment situation as MIMSY. Ooops. Bet she didn't see that coming. She must have been SHOCKED.
ANYWAY ANYWAY, once he was sure that tranche of managers were all unemployed, he sued them for 'emotional damages'. This isn't mentioned again so he may have lost the case against them. Art!
DIE also lost custody of her children, as that white noise generator had driven her almost insane and the ever-migrating desk delivered up a big fat serving of paranoia; we aren't told if there was a hubbo in the picture but from following information I suspect not. She had to sell her house as she couldn't make payments, being unemployed, and had to move back in with her parents, whom she loathed.
The end.
ONLY JOKING! No, this saga is nowhere near the end. In fact it might end up being most of the blog. We'll see.
MIMSY updated that DIE had been kicked out of her parent's house for causing fights and was sofa-surfing with what few friends she had. He also added in a telling line we will circle back to: "It isn't even the person who made the original threat." Art!
The next update brought news that DIE had left her state and moved, hoping to get a better shot at employment now she was no longer encumbered with children, and far away from the business she had been fired from. Also far from her family, whom she despised and whom despised her right back.
As luck, good or bad, would have it, DIE moved to the city that MIMSY now worked in, as senior management responsible for training all new staff being inboarded. He felt a touch of guilt that her life had turned into an ocean of excrement and had another department's HR arrange an interview for a basic team leader job, which she passed.
Imagine her surprise when her training was delivered by MIMSY.
He considered his revenge complete.
The end.
ONLY JOKING! No, we're not done yet. You see, whether they had been tipped off by MIMSY, were carrying out a random audit, or knew DIE's background, Internal Affairs had a weather eye upon her and -
Surprise surprise, DIE was grooming another minion to go after a different minion, exactly as MIMSY had been targeted. Art!
It can change it's background colour, not it's spots
To quote him again: "It isn't even the person who made the original threat." No, because SHOCK was actually SHOCKED - Stalking HOrse Concealing Karen Enabling DIE. Hopefully the acronyms are as hilarious as I find them.
HR rolled the DIE and fired her immediately. The abused and abuser were separated, as per MIMSY's SOP that he'd written with his case in mind, just in case it happened again.
Then came the company lawyer's and a Cover Your Bottom procedure, intended to prevent DIE from claiming unemployment - which she would technically have been entitled to, as the company had fired her, rather than her quitting. They found a pattern of similar abuse at every position she had held, which is rather alarming - no previous employer had checked up on her references? Tut tut gentlemen! Art?
The most recently abused employee got in touch with all the people who had suffered under her and, with expert legal advice from MIMSY's company, filed a class harassment action suit. That they were able to do this implies a lot of victims, and it's highly unusual to use the Class Action Lawsuit against an individual rather than an employer.
As a result of the outcome, rather than a financial penalty, DIE was permanently blacklisted from nearly all employment 'in my country' as MIMSY put it. In fact there were so many aggrieved parties he suspected she'd have to emigrate to get a job.
He also coyly refused to provide any kind of identifying detail, so the prospect of DIE doing jail time remains hypothetical. I shall dig a little but don't expect results -
Nope. I am confident that the case is from South Canada, as he refers to 'States' not 'Provinces' as in Canuckistan and we here in This Sceptred Isle don't possess them. On the other hand, he does say 'Telly', which is very British
Finally -
We've already had a Biercism, so here's another terrible picture of Pumpkinhead. Art!
The image Melania dreads
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