If I Were To Say 'Coach'

You Probably Wouldn't Expect A Treatise About Tanks

And, for once, you'd be right.  No tanks today, neither of the Armoured Fighting Vehicle type nor the fuel container type.  Tankless BOOJUM! shall be.  Unless I change my mind, I'm fickle like that.

     So! one memory I have from my days - well, twenty-two years actually - at Connexions is of Gavin, my manager, who volunteered as a football coach for young lads.   One of the worst things about his role were the aggressive, ignorant, abusive, entitled parents of the sprogs he was tutoring.  Art!

     Never read it myself.

     ANYWAY I had wit enough to look up 'Coach' in my 'Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable' and it did indeed have an entry.  It transpires that, when the railways arrived in This Sceptred Isle from 1840 onward, they inherited or adopted many of the terms previously used for horse-drawn transport.  Such as?  Well, 'Carriage' and 'Guard' and of course - obviously! - 'Coach'.  Art!

     'Coach' is another word akin to 'Biro' in that it has Hungarian roots.  It originates in the Magyar town of Kocs, where they built wagons, known in Hungarian as 'Kocsi szeker' or 'Wagon of Kocs'.  No, I'm not making this up.

     ANYWAY my BDOPAF also explains the use of 'Coach' as a tutor because they 'carry' their charges.  Hmmmm.  Conrad unsure how much he believes that one.  I could look it up in my 'Collins Concise English Dictionary' except it's at the bottom of a large pile of books and I am a lazy dastard.

     This is where our Intro really kicks off, as we enter a tale related by a Commenter on a Youtube Malicious Compliance vlog.  We shall call them Referee Of Youth, or ROY hereafter.  You see how it all fits together?

     

     ROY was in reality a high-school mathematics teacher, who had volunteered to coach the football team, which South Canadians have to qualify with 'soccer'.  His team were in the next-to-last game when POtty-Mouthed Punk, hereafter POMP, lost his rag and roundly abused the in-game referee.  ROY instantly 'benched' POMP, meaning he was off the pitch and not playing, for unsportsmanlike behaviour.  POMP immediately went whining to His Entitled Mother, hereafter HEM, because he'd never heard the word 'No' in his life.  She stormed up to ROY, demanding that her little darling be allowed to play.  Another person who had never heard the word 'No'.

     Things really kicked off the next morning, a Sunday, when ROY and the School Director had assembled all the players, and their parents, in a single room in school.  ROY rather theatrically introduced themself, and POMP and HEM.  HEM immediately told the School Director to fire ROY for benching her little ingrate.  The School Director gracefully refused, stating they were only present as an observer.  Art!

SD knew where this was going

     ROY then stated that he resigned from his position as coach, at which HEM smiled smugly, thinking they had won.

     They had not.  ROY the informed the assembled players and parents that, as per regulations, a team without a coach automatically forfeited all games, so not only would POMP not be playing that day, neither would anyone else.  By this time HEM is getting serious death-glares from everyone in the room, and whines at ROY for doing what she asked for.  She told SD to fill the now-vacant position and he once again gracefully refused, stating that he was leaving at lunchtime.    She then threatens to have ROY fired from his coaching position in an exemplary case of Buyer's Regret, only for him to trump her with news that he was a mathematics teacher, not a coach.  She insisted and persisted, to no avail.  Many of the team players went home crying, and all their parents nursed a grudge against HEM from that moment on.  Art!

     

HEM and POMP.  Perhaps.

     As proof that neither HEM nor POMP were remotely self-aware, when he moved on to High School, he went for trials at their soccer team, and was immediately rejected.  HEM, watching from the crowd, promptly did her entitled rant, which didn't get him back on the team but which did get her permanently banned from all HS sports events.  Way to go HEM!  

Number One With Lots Of Bullets

Now, this one I have heard of.  Top of the 'Rotten Tomatoes' list of films that scored 0%, we have 'Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever' from 2002, and I remember it being absolutely panned at release.  Art!

     To say it underperformed at the box office is to understate wildly.  Art!

      So, using the 50% return to studio rule, it made $10 million.  What was the budget, you might enquire.  $70 million, an awful lot at the time in 2002 dollars.  No, not even the lure of Lucy Liu is going to make Conrad consider this one.

What Took You So Long?

One has to wonder what lies behind this headline.  Art!

     I cannot resist looking.

     Aha.  So, the polling organisation Ipsos and ABC delivered a poll in April of 2025 that indicated only 45% of people were worried that King Piggy was going to keel over dead  suddenly.  They re-ran the same poll this year in April and found those concerned DJ Tango was going to croak face down in his Happy Meal had grown to 59%.  It doesn't help that he continually necks four times the recommended daily dose of aspirin.

More Randomness From The Algorithm

At least it provides me with a bit of content, so there is a silver lining.  Art!

     What on earth is it?  Sorry but 'Blueridge 47,000 BTU (3,9 Ton) 3-Zone 23 SEER Inverter R-454B Series Heat Pump Ultra' is pure obfuscation.  I am guessing as the maker appears to have 'Air' in their name that it is some species of heating and/or ventilating kit.  'BTU' refers, I believe to 'British Thermal Units' hence my guess at a heating device.  

     Yes, I could click on the link but that would be cheating.  We have our morals here at BOOJUM! and I refuse to raise them.

I Think They Ironed The Kinks Out

We have commented a few times on the Kozaky's 'Flamingo' Firepoint cruise missile, which has had issues with accuracy ever since it was introduced.  It came late into service because the orcs bombed the original factory location and everything had to be moved.  

     Well, last night one of them travelled 450 miles into darkest Mordorvia, where it hit the VNIIR industrial plant in Cheboksary, which produces guidance kit for drones and missiles.  Art!

     This hapless orc was out wandering the night streets with his mates whilst air raid sirens are going off all round.  His mate hears the noise of a jet engine approaching at speed and manages to catch sight of the Flamingo.  Art!

     That's the bird in flight.  The trio were dangerously close to the VNIIR plant, which gives them a splendid opportunity to appreciate the 1,100 kilo warhead the Flamingo carries.  Art!

     None were injured but may have needed a change of underwear.  Might take a bit of spade and shovel work before the VNIIR plant is fit for purpose again.  After the night-time explosion the orcs moved a load of electronic warfare kit into Cheboksary, which is causing Kozaky drones to hit apartment buildings as they get spoofed.  

Finally -

Going out with a Biercism. 

"Neighbour, n: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and does all he knows to make us disobedient."