Getting Chipped

Just Not How You Imagined It

I know what you're thinking - how can Conrad possibly manage a whole Intro about implanting microchips into domestic pets?  Well, firstly you'd be surprised at how much I can pad out the thinnest of themes, and secondly this is nothing to do with veterinary care, even if the story does involve an ass.  Art!

This, gentle reader, is a Morbark horizontal tree grinder, which, as any fule kno, is distinctly different from a tub grinder.  I mean, who could possibly confuse the two!  Art?

     That's a tub grinder, just so we're clear.   Morbark themselves state that their equipment is becoming more in demand as state and county legislation bans tree culling by burning forests.  These units are not cheap; second-hand (none of that 'Pre-owned' nonsense here) they can fetch $150,000 and the largest ones, brand new, will set you back $1.3 million.

     Let us start the story proper, a tale taken from the 'Slash Start' Youtube channel, narrated by Machinist And Welder, hereafter MAW.  His stock in trade was repair of industrial machinery, especially mining and logging gear, of which there was a sufficiency in his locale.  MAW desired that people ring him first, to give a description of the problem, and then send in the part to be repaired, not the whole thing.  The events he narrates are from his first year of operations, before his check-in process was established.  

     So - the client, whom we shall dub 'Bottomhole Of Doom', BOD hereafter, sent in a complete horizontal Morbark tree grinder.  Art!

     The grinder arrived on a trailer and was dropped off by Put Upon Driver, hereafter PUD, who then left.  With no prior call WAM had no idea what was wrong with it, until BOD calls him five days later to ask if his tree grinder was fixed yet?

     No, was the short answer.  Not being telepathic WAM had no idea what was wrong with it and wasn't going to take it apart piece by piece to find out.  Art!

     'It needs new teeth on the rotor,' explained BOD.

     THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART!  WAM, only a year into his business, is still canny enough to e-mail a contract to BOD, who signs and returns it so quickly that it's obvious he didn't bother reading it.

     WAM had to call in his cousin and father to strip down the grinder, meaning it was a big old job to dismantle and remove the rotor.  It gets better.  Or worse, depending on your perspective.  Art!

     The rotor teeth bolted on, but BOD had one of his employees then weld them into place, which meant WAM had to use special 'gouging' sticks to blast away the welds before he could replace the teeth.  Hmmm sounds like a dentist, doesn't he?

     When he called BOD to explain the teeth were all replaced and was about to give the cost, BOD immediately hung up on him.

     Two days later PUD turns up with his trailer, looking to take the grinder away.  

     'No pay, no  play,' explains WAM.  PUD calls BOD.  BOD calls WAM, arguing that he doesn't have to pay and PUD is taking the grinder.  WAM says he certainly is going to pay and he'd signed a contract clearly stating that, if payment isn't received, any equipment not paid for stays on his premises.  PUD argued with BOD on the phone for ages but his boss still refused to pay.  Art!

     PUD left and returned 3 hours later with a passel of police, who went over the contract and flatly stated there was nothing they could do.

     The next day PUD returned once again, stating that WAM should have been paid and can he take the tree grinder pretty please?

     There hadn't been a payment.  By this point PUD is furious with BOD, calls him up and screams at him that he either pays up or he's going to be looking for a new driver.

     BOD pays up.  Finally!  Three days of no tree grinder, at whatever rates BOD charged for tree grinding.  Art!

     Things did not end there.  A month later BOD sent in a badly-worn grinding rotor which needed repairing.  WAM rang him up and told him to send his driver back to return the rotor because he wasn't going to do business with a scammer and abuser.  BOD, entirely predictably, went mental, shouting that WAM was the nearest machinist, and even then was three hours drive from BOD's workplace.  Art!

     When PUD returned he informed WAM that he was going to quit after dropping off the rotor, and that BOD had previously been sued for $270,000 in unpaid workshop bills.  BOD's business filed for bankruptcy in 2018 and he then got a job at the same business as WAM's cousin, making industrial machinery, rather than owning and running it.  How are the mighty fallen!

The Haul

I was getting low on sugar-free sweets, which are essential for me in my day-to-day work, as they lubricate my throat during the non-stop phone calls I take.  Not only that, there were a few Jolly Ranchers in the mix, which had stuck to the cardboard box I was using.  So! I have now replaced cardboard box with a tin.  Art!

     They now reside inside the tin and will sustain me for months.

     I like to keep you informed.  Art!

     I also bought a can of this carbonated swill, mostly because I was curious about the name.  Why name a drink after a river in Italy?

     <digging ensues>

     Aha.  The two co-founders, Naresh Nagracha and Vishram Vekaria, were aware of the Rubicon being a hard boundary, beyond which a Roman general was not permitted to bring his troops.  Reaching somewhat, they decided that their establishment of Rubicon was a leap of faith, hence the name.  Hmmm.

Mordorvia, Meet My Munitions

Only 'my' in metaphor.  In response to the massive orc missile and drone strike on Ukraine, Prez Zed authorised a large-scale drone strike on Barad Duh, their capital city, and in daylight, too, just to rub it in.  Art!

     This is one of the targets, a technology park in the Zelenogorsk district of Moscow.  The orcs are not happy that the war is coming home to them, in a capital supposedly surrounded by SAM systems.  Art!

     The Kozaky have mounted occasional small drone attacks on Moscow, possibly just to prove that it can be done.  The damage caused by them was insignificant compared to the damage that SAM missiles that missed caused, and the same is true here.  Art!

     This may be the residence of the woman at bottom starboard, whom exclaimed that an air defence missile had hit her neighbours.

     News  like this guarantees Bunker Grandad will stay in his pit for at least a week, out of fear and being seen as weak and ineffective.

More Gentle Shoeing

These will continue unless people complain, and if I'm not getting any Comments about them. nobody's complaining, either.  Art!

     Looks like King Piggy was in a hurry and only spent an hour on his Hair Helmet instead of the usual ninety minutes.  Akin to the parting of the Red Sea.  

     Art!

     This is Fat Caligula opening Xi's personal notebook to have a nosey whilst The Populous Dictatorship's leader was absent.  I don't know what he expected, as he can barely read English, let alone Hanzi.  Rubio, at upper starboard, quickly looked away in embarrassment when he realised what his orange oaf was doing.

Finally -

Going out with another Biercism.

"Liar,n: An attorney with a roving profession.  A journalist of any occupation, trade or calling."