No! That Is Not A Typo!
For one thing, I have excellent spelling and also pay attention to when the spellchecker - which has a charming South Canadian bias - underlines a word in red. So, no, I did not get 'Foolhardy' wrong, but that does give me an excuse to put up an illo of Tom Hardy. The ladies like him. Art!
Tom and his weapon. Women swoon.
No, what I have to describe in the Intro today is an entertaining and illuminating story from 'R Slash' and their 'Entitled People' channel. I guarantee that by the time this tale is over you will have increased your knowledge of niche construction sectors considerably.
To set the scene, we need reference that traditional South Canadian status symbol, the swimming pool. We here in This Sceptred Isle rarely include these in our domestic residences as shelling out £10,000 for an utility used for two weeks, at best, is rather wasteful. Art!
This is the end product, and charming describes it well.
HOWEVER! - O that word again - did you ever stop to think of how a pool like this gets constructed? Me neither. It turns out there's a lot going on in preparation before you can take a paddle on an inflatable bed, which is where Dedicated Utilitarian Digging Expert, hereafter DUDE, comes in. He worked for Jay's pool construction business, happy to be very well-paid, allowed to smoke when he liked and listen to heavy metal whilst working. No, Vulnavia, Wet Wet Wet are not a metal band.
Jay's two sons also worked for him. There was Jackass, as DUDE named him, the team supervisor who was lazy, entitled and liable to condescend when there was an audience. He is the Fool of today's title. Then there was Junior, who babbled incessantly and was more hindrance than help. Art!
This is what South Canadians call a 'skid steer' and which DUDE described as a 'bobcat', which Jackass used on-site.
One of the telling statistics that DUDE mentioned was that Jay's business had managed to construct 7 pools in the summer before he arrived, yet had already done 10 this year with another 3 to go. A productive influence! Art?
We begin the tale with DUDE establishing that he had a doctor's appointment at 13:30 and he'd be out and gone by then, regardless of whatever else happened. The pool site was as you see above; dug out with no work done on actual construction, and their concrete truck was due to arrive at 11:00, a hard limit when pouring would have to begin, since the truck would be on a schedule.
The threesome arrived at 06:30, and as DUDE and Junior got to work, Jackass went for a three-hour sleep in his truck. This is the Tardy part of today's title. Art!
DUDE, who sharp eyes, noticed a particular feature about the client's house, which came in verrry useful later. He then listed the work that had to be done before the concrete truck turned up. To wit:
- Cut all the wedges, which are used to secure liners and support structures.
2. Set up marking pins. These are long metal skewers used to determine the outline of a pool by insertion along the perimeter. Art!
3. Set and bolt up the walls. These, pretty obviously, are the retaining structures that keep water in the pool by providing support. Art!
4. Set up the 'skimmer'. No, I had no idea until I looked it up. A skimmer is a filtration device set at water surface level, which sucks in floating debris such as leaves or insects, before it sinks to the bottom and rots. Art!
5. Set and bolt the wall braces. These are structural supports that go on the back of the metal wall panels to prevent bowing when concrete or water is added, visible in the illo above. Art!
6. Level the walls. What it sounds like: ensuring the walls are all perfectly level horizontally, and completely perpendicular.
7. Install the pool liner. Actually DUDE forgot to mention this, as his list of to-dos was already overlong. Also install vinyl coping, which keeps the liner in place. Art!
So much variety!
8. Install stairs and a buddy seat, the latter being low steps that allow people to sit in shallow water, so really two tasks in one. Art!
9. Set the bench.
10. Secure with rebar stakes - not sure what's meant by this as the wall panels would have been secured already at this point.
11. Create the form for both pump and filter. Here he's talking about creating a concrete platform for the pool's pump and main water filter, which need to be plumbed and wired in. Art!
DUDE observed of this list that it would have been a very hard task for 3 people to manage in less than five hours, yet they were down to 2 thanks to Jackass going off for a nap, then standing around criticising them. Instead of, you know, helping.
Right! I am going to call a halt here, as the background has been established, otherwise this Intro would take up the whole blog. Moving right along -
If Looks Could Nil
More recollections from Conrad's rubbish-tip skip of a mind. Take a look at the Fairey Gannet, surely one of the ugliest aircraft to have ever wobbled into the air from the deck of an aircraft carrier. Art!
It was designed as an anti-submarine warfare aircraft and was, despite looking ten months pregnant, rather successful. The wings folded down before it flew, I hasten to add.
HOWEVER - a word you surely knew was coming - it has been outdone by a recently-deployed Japanese electronic warfare airframe, the EC-2. Art!
That is one horrid-looking hairplane.
Who Is This Happy Smiling Chappy?
Art!
It's Pan Mykola again, the 70-year old grandfather whose decrepit overloaded Zhiguli broke down in the centre of Kyiv. This car went out of production 14 years ago, so it was at least that old. The police were called, towed him to a garage and his car was repaired for free, allowing him to continue his journey.
Plot twist: co-founder of Monobank, Oleh Horokhovskiy, got his details and gifted him a brand new pick-up truck, which is why we seem him smiling. Art!
Don't ask me what model of Peugeot it is, I have no idea.
He probably had to have a learning session about things like power steering, cruise control, CD players and air-conditioning, and definitely using an automatic clutch. Also the rules of correct cargo stowage.
Bilk The Milk
Another illuminating example of why South Canadian foods are often banned by us wicked Europeans, who cherish things like staying alive and healthy. From the Twitter wag 'Daractenus', a Romanian whose English is better than a lot of the English. Art!
He misses a point here, commenting that South Canadian milk is banned from EU sale thanks to profit-driven farmers dosing their cows with exotic chemicals to gain a higher yield. He missed the 'Raw' part of 'Raw Milk' here, because this swill is NOT pasteurised and is liable to inflict fearful scourging diseases on those daft enough to drink it. Robert Kennedy Junkie, the South Canadian Secretary For Poisoning People, has been observed recently with an uncontrollable tremor in his hands. I bet he drinks a gallon of this stuff every day and boasts about it. Bafune.
I'm Warning You
I have yet to regale you with the 'Historical Notes' Youtube channel 'The Sherman Tank Was Not A "Death-Trap"' vlog, which lasted for 20 minutes and generated enough notes to probably create a whole BOOJUM! on it's own.
Well, consider this. art!
Ol' Nick's opus here clocks in at 45 minutes. I've already seen it once and recalled that his points are based on primary source materials, not anecdotes or urban legends. If I did annotate and post about it, surely I would split it up and not post a single blog 5,000 words long? Hmmm what do you want to bet ...
Finally -
Ending on a QI quote:
"Looking for fish? Don't climb a tree" - Chinese proverb. Try looking in pools*.
* Ouch
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