You'd Possibly Get What I Meant
But not probably, for, as you should surely know by now, Conrad's mind works in mysterious ways, even unto himself. For example, where did 'Artie' and 'Gardenia' in that recent epic scrivel nonsense tale come from? Who knows. Especially not me.
ANYWAY what I want to look at here is a policy executed - apt word! - by that staple of BOOJUM! King Mithridates VI Eupator of Pontus. A name that trips off the tongue. Art!
Probably not the tongue in question
Ol' Mithy, you recall, was paranoid about being assassinated via poison, so he took a daily cocktail of poison in gradually-increasing doses, thus acquiring immunity. At least according to legend. Conrad thinks this a rather dicey process and doesn't recommend it.
ANYWAY the turning point for Ol' Mithy came when he lost his third war against Rome, being decisively defeated by Pompey in 63 BC. You can't call him a quitter! Art?
Being a bit spiteful and petty - the Donold Trump of his day? - Mithy rounded up all his oracles, diviners and soothsayers for a big celebration victory party -
No, I was lying. They had all advised him that going to war against Rome was a wonderful idea, that he would win bigly, etcetera, so he had them all killed for being completely wrong. Hmmm. You'd think, as, you know, oracles, they would have seen that coming. Maybe an off day?
Ol' Mithy then, allegedly, tried to commit self-delete with poison, only for his long-acquired tolerance to spoil his plan, resulting in a request for his bodyguard to do him in with a sword. Note to readers: you do not acquire tolerance to a foot of forged steel in your gizzard. Art!
This is another turning point. Here you see the destruction wrought inside the 'Detsky Mir' shopping mall in Barad-Duh, which the Kremlin instantly insisted was due to a helium cylinder depressurising. It took place in August 2026. What happened is that the head of the FSB's Fifth Service, Alexei Titov - no pictures of him extant I'm afraid - went to meet the widow of a former subordinate, who was going to give him a 'present'. Or, in reality, a bomb. The explosion un-alived her and severed Titov's legs. He survived long enough to get taken to hospital and put into a coma, with no updates eight months later, and it's quite possible he died and the Mordorvian authorities don't want to admit it.
Why do I mention this? O I thought you'd never ask! Titov was the head of the Fifth Services Analytical Branch. He escaped the purge of April 2022, when Putin sacked or imprisoned 150 FSB members in an attempt to shift the blame for 'Kyiv in three days' from him and onto them. Art!
Putin with noodles on his ears*
So, it would have been Titov's job to provide intelligence information on former Soviet countries, such as Ukraine, or the Baltics, or the Caucasus. How far wide of the mark his info was is exemplified in Ruffian officers taking dress uniforms along on the invasion, all ready for their upcoming victory parade in Kyiv. Art!
This is General Vladimir Alekseyev, Deputy Head of the GRU, Ruffian Military Intelligence, whose directorate in May of 2022 was tasked with carrying out the work previously done by the FSB. He was shot and seriously wounded in February 2026, by an assassin who knew exactly where and when he would be.
The consensus amongst pundits is that the FSB officers who survived the April 2022 purge are now being gotten rid of, since, you know, they got things completely wrong. It's noted that investigations into both assassination attempts were rapidly closed down, because the truth might come out. Art!
This quaint South Canadian phenomenon known as a 'Mega-church' is where King Piggy appeared at a rally on Friday 17th April. It holds up to 4,500 people and DJ Tango only got 3,000 attending. Sorry, no photos of the crowds, probably because the turnout was so disappointing. Who is advising The Nodfather to stage these events? Art!
This is an actual Turning Point event, the organisation founded by that loathsome political reptile Charlie Kirk, and appearing on stage is Judge Death Vance, who kills literally and metaphorically if he shakes your hand. This is the kind of shot that the White House will put out as proof of a well-attended event, pats on the back all round.
HOWEVER - a word you surely knew was coming - 'Jake Broe' on his Youtube channel posted a video of someone attending the FREE rally and it's a lot less flattering to Just Dismal. Art!
At most, there's a couple of hundred people there. Again, who is advising the charisma black hole to attend events like this? One suspects there are going to be people 'let go' for embarrassing Donnie and Dismal. Which is better than getting blown up or stabbed, but still not great. Art!
His pants are, in fact, on fire. Atomic-powered diaper malfunction.
Rock And Rolling
Another brief clip from 'Be Amazed's 'When Building Demolition Goes Horribly Wrong' and you'll see what that title refers to. This was a flour factory demolition in Cankiri, Turkey. Art!
As is plainly visible, the structure has been extensively undercut before explosive charges were detonated. The idea was to collapse it into it's own footprint. Instead - Art!
Given that I've only ever seen demolitions, not taken part in any, I could still have guessed this was going to happen. However - ah, that word again! - when this factory was constructed in the Twenties, they built to last. Rather than shatter after falling - Art!
It stays intact and begins to roll. Right towards a residential building. Art!
It stopped with inches to spare. Nobody ended up injured, although once again some onlookers may have needed fresh underwear.
The Biter Bit
As you should surely know by now, one of Conrad's particular failings is being altogether too fond of Malicious Compliance or Pro Revenge stories on Youtube. I ought to ration myself in order to stop squandering hours at a time.
One of the staples of these stories is the Wicked Employer Firing An Employee and learning a very hard lesson about wage theft, unpaid overtime or tax avoidance, often all three at once. Art!
Here is a Comment from 'tonychan8558' showing the other side of the coin.
Last
story: Small company with 9 employees. My former boss fired a woman after she
told him she was pregnant. But unlike OP, she was useless at her job. Once, she
sat at her computer for three hours, then asked my former boss how to print.
She printed out a picture she had drawn on Paint over the past three hours.
That was just the start. My boss knew she was trouble, so started documenting
everything. She took him to court, where he won handsomely. Turned out she
tried to get maternity pay from every company she worked at, she wasn't even
pregnant! A few years later, I joined the company and boss told me this story.
Two years later, our marketing assistant became pregnant and old boss made sure
every one of her needs were catered for: new chair, paid time off to visit
doctor, getting her lunch delivered, waiting on her hand and foot, the whole
nine. She was very good at her job, and old boss treated her accordingly
'The whole nine' isn't a typo, it's short for 'The whole nine yards', meaning absolutely everything, and is an item in it's own right. Art!
Boosting Bakhmut's Booze
One of the pundits I watch on Youtube is 'Paul Warburg', who lives in Utah and does regular analyses of the war in Ukraine and how it affects Ruffia. One of his sponsors is - see below. Art!
Artwinery. They are retailing bottles of wine that were snatched from the cellars of Bakhmut before the orcs conquered it, and once they're gone, they're gone, there will never be more of them. They aren't cheap but if you want a bottle of wine that has a story attached to it as well as being unique, check them out.
Finally -
Going out on a Biercism.
"Russian, n: A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic."
* Ruffian saying 'Do you think I've got noodles on my ears?' meaning 'Do you think I'm stupid?'
No comments:
Post a Comment