Yeehaw For Tree Law!

I Actually Have Three Of These 

Cued up and ready to go, having come across novel tales of wooden woe recently.  This one concerns two people who have no concept of tree law, nor any arborist experience, one of whom is Ben BOttomholE, hereafter BENBOE,and Tod Whose Ignorance Costs Enemy, hereafter TWICE.  Art!

     No apologies for using 'mutant sentient evil mangosteens' as a text prompt as a tree is pretty dull visually.

     ANYWAY TWICE had been living in his house for 20 years, a property that had an extensive rear lot incorporating many dozen trees, one of which was a giant oak several centuries old.  Put a pin in that, it comes into play later.  Whilst he was away on holiday, BENBOE moved in.  

     BENBOE can be classified in the personality class known as 'Entitled Bottomwipe'.  He thought it perfectly acceptable to drive repeatedly across TWICE's lawn in his box truck when moving in, tearing up the turf until it was a mud patch.  Art!

     He then harassed TWICE about getting it replaced and sorted out, because he found it an offensive eyesore, because Entitled Bottomhole.  He'd also driven over other neighbour's lawns since it was more convenient for him.

      This behaviour is only the curtain raiser, intended to prove what a walking red flag BENBOE was.  It just so happened that both neighbours possessed a 'wood burner', which they used to - you may be ahead of me here - burn wood.  Art!

NOTE THE FIREWOOD

     TWICE noticed that BENBOE's external firewood pile diminished rapidly, which is slightly mystifying because the story never mentions cold or winter or snow or ice.  Perhaps he was growing orchids indoors?  After it had gone completely BENBOE started stealing firewood from his neighbours, because Entitled Bottomhole.

     Conrad did a trifle of digging here and has a few figures for you.  A 'cord' of firewood in South Canada costs about $300 and consists of 128 cubic feet of timber.  Art!

     Keep that value of $300 in mind.  TWICE said that some neighbours had CCTV evidence of BENBOE exhibiting prime Entitled Bottomhole behaviour, in that they had him on film as stealing their firewood, begging the question of why they didn't go to the police.  Less satisfying resolution, one guesses.

     BENBOE then tried to steal TWICE's firewood, so he brought it indoors.

     Not to be deterred, BENBOE snuck onto TWICE's property whilst they were out and cut down a sapling for firewood, which crime only became evident the next day.  TWICE bearded BENBOE at home, who proudly boasted that he had indeed done the deed and that he'd keep on doing it, because there was no law against it.

     This man take 'stupid' and elevates it to an art form.  Art!

BENBOE being a selfish gimboid

     Further theft was avoided by TWICE working from home, which worked until he had to go to his sister's wedding for a week.  By the time he returned two more saplings were gone, so he bought a collection of security cameras and hid them about the copse, hoping to catch his thieving neighbour in the act.

     Next day, BENBOE cut down the oak tree, using a chainsaw.  One presumes he had time to de-limb and cut the trunk up before TWICE got home, as an oak tree that old is rather massive.

     Next day TWICE was in contact with an attorney, who told him to get an arborist to assess the cost of the damage to date.  The assessment, by a certified and qualified professional, came to $78,000, just to replace the trees, thanks to their age, timber value and ecological niche.  TWICE was knocked on his glutes at how much money was involved.  Not us, gentle reader, we have many such tales to judge probably cost upon, hmmm?  Art!

     Several weeks later they were in court.  BENBOE chose to represent himself, because, once again, Entitled Bottomhole.  TWICE brought along his attorney, property deeds showing that the trees were on his land, CCTV footage and the arborist's financial judgement.

     'There's no law against chopping trees -' scoffed BENBOE when the judge was about to make judgement.

     'YES THERE IS!' she retorted, and found in favour of TWICE, and that reparation assessed at $78,000.

     Here is where TWICE, narrating the story, omits information.  You see, under tree law, the plaintiff is entitled to x3 damages.  So BENBOE was actually on the hook for $234,000, PLUS whatever fines were imposed for illegally cutting down trees in that state.  No mention of what these were and they can range for a few hundred dollars per tree to tens of thousands.  The saplings would only incur a few hundred, but the oak tree?  Potentially tens of thousands.  On top of which, BENBOE had to pay TWICE's legal fees.  Say $250,000 in total.  No wonder he sat crying in court.  Art!

     To pay the judgement BENBOE had to sell his house and rent a small apartment elsewhere in town.  Everyone was happy to see him go, ho ho ho.

     TREE LAW!  TREE LAW!  TREE LAW!

     STICKS IN THE BADDIE'S CRAW!

Who Would Have Thought?

I am aware that we've had an hiatus about BOVINGTON TANK MUSUEM since we don't want to have too much of a good thing.  We will get back to it, and I bet you can hardly wait.  In the meantime, the Youtube algorithm has been pimping this product particularly hard.  Art!

Do NOT read it as 'World's of Historic Moving Armour Display'

     I wonder how they can possibly imagine Conrad might be interested in this event?  I mean, tanks!  Pfft!

     Mind you, the event is held in June and the weather looks considerably better than in September.  

It's In The Pipeline

If you have any memory worth mentioning, you'll recall that Conrad gave you feedback on "Official History Of Military Operations: Egypt And Palestine' when he was reading it a couple of years ago.  One of the surpassing difficulties of mounting military operations in the Sinai was consistent supplies of water.  To this end the British constructed a water pipeline alongst the railway they pushed out to the east of the Suez Canal, and that's about the level of detail they supplied in this work.  Art!

     The pipeline ran alongside the railway.  Art!

     This is the twelve-inch pipeline being laid.  Note the trench being dug to accommodate it, as detailed in Ol' Jan's "STBAITFWW'.  She explains that the pipe came in undisclosed lengths - I have dug around without finding out how long, but this one seems to be about 50 yards long? - that weighted half a ton each.  They were either rolled singly off accompanying rail wagons, or offloaded in bulk and then towed by tractor to the pipehead, where gangs of Egyptian navvies would wrestle them into position.  Each length of pipe came with male and female ends, which then had to be screwed together, with special expansion joints included every 2 miles.  

     Whilst it was supposed to follow the line of the railway, the pipe could not take bends, nor sharp increases or decreases in gradient, which is why the one above is being laid into a trench.  Up to 1,500 labourers were needed to make these terrain alterations.  Art!

     This is one of the cisterns built to store water for issue as needed.

To keep one British soldier alive for one day in the desert took 4.5 litres (1 gallon) of water.  To keep a brigade of troops alive, including their support troops (signallers, machine gun company, field ambulance, etc) and animals, took 91,000 litres (20,000 gallons)

     20,000 gallons = 70 tons.

     Logistics, the boring backbone of military affairs.

O Dear Lord Not The Oscilloscopes Again!

First they were loitering around Youtube, powered by an algorithm that seems as sketch as Donnie Dorko.  Now they are cropping up in my news feed - Art!

     I am sure they are the Cadillac of oscilloscopes, that they perform perfectly and are chock full of the very highest quality components BUT I DON'T WANT ONE!

     What next - 'Log Counting Software*'?

Finally -

Another QI quotation.

"Eat the present moment and break the dish." - Egyptian proverb.

*  A real thing that has been inflicted on me in the past.