You Might Be Forgiven For Thinking Of The Below
If we can gently persuade Art with this cattle prod and get him to stop sucking the good stuff out of that spent nuclear fuel rod -
The proprietor gives him what he asked for - 'Four Candles.'
What he wanted were "Fork 'andles. 'Andles for forks."
Our narrator described herself as a 'chick nursing student', hereafter CHINS, who was intimately familiar with vehicle repair and maintenance, not least thanks to her stint in the South Canadian army. She came back from a 6-month tour in a hot sandy place and performed maintenance on her truck: oil, air and fuel filters were replaced; checked the fan belt; drained and exchanged both oil and radiator; checked the battery; checked the brake pads and swapped a winter survival kit for a summer one - no mention what the difference is between these two. Extra water? Art!
Two staff began to balance her wheels, and a third man got into her driver's seat and began making notes on a pad. At no point did SCribbling Unctuous Mechanic, hereafter SCUM, get out of her truck or inspect anything, not realising that CHINS had stuck around in the garage and could see what he was doing (or, rather, not doing) thanks to large picture windows.
- Fan belt needed replacing
- Oil and radiator needed replacing
- Brake pads needed replacing
- All filters were shot and needed replacing
- Wheels out of alignment, hence worn out and - guess what! - need replacing
CHINS recognised a scam when she was presented with one. Other mechanics in the Comments explained that it's illegal for any garage to threaten retention of a vehicle, unless the owner refuses to pay and even then the garage has to take out a lien on the vehicle. If it was genuinely unsafe the owner might have to sign a waiver acknowledging they knew their car was unsafe but chose to drive it anyway, covering the garage.
'The manager is out for the day,' excused SCUM when CHINS inevitably asked for the manager. Making sure he had enough rope to hang himself and be buried in a wrapping of it next day, she asked for a written quote, which he was happy to provide. Art!
NO ACTUAL HANGING PORTRAYED
We do have some standards.
ANYWAY the fraud was now quantified and in print, with SCUM's very own signature upon the fateful sheet. This was to be important in mere minutes. You see, CHINS had gone outside to supposedly call a friend to come pick her up, her now being car-less and all. In reality she had called the Sheriff's office, and a deputy said he'd be over right away. Art!
It didn't take long for the deputy to dig down into the fraud, given that even a cursory examination would reveal absolutely nothing wrong with CHINS truck. Plus, the offence was detailed on paper, rather than being 'he said-she said'.
Just as SCUM was being led in handcuffs to be put into the back of the police cruiser, guess who showed up? No! Not Elong Tusk and his Dancing Dalmatian Dogs troupe. The garage manager, who had really been out of his office and was now returning, just in time to fire SCUM and void CHINS tyre-balancing fee.
Once again, proof that it is hugely unwise to judge a book by either it's dust-jacket or cover. If CHINS had merely worn her camo duds, SCUM might still have a job. Unfortunately.
ART! Not that kind of - O never mind
As is often the case with Youtube tales like this one - from 'Dark Fluff's stable - there was another equally interesting tale in the Comments, which will have to wait for another day. I bet you can hardly wait.
Point And Laugh
Various NAFO Fellas and Fellarinas, as well as other folks like myself, have been posting on Twitter about the hilariously inaccurate orc and vatnik predictions from 24/02/2022. Here's one that's been widely shared - Art!
Waiting For The Other Shoe (Store) To Drop
Since I have now mentioned the contretemps between Iran and South Canada, I think it's apt to share a graphic that 'Jake Broe' put up on his vlog about the build-up in the Middle East. Art!
These are various air and naval assets in the Red Sea and the Persian Gulf, and there hasn't been a concentration like this since Gulf War One, hence the 'store' title rather than a single shoe. None of the above includes any B2 stealth bombers, which are a kind of wild card; if they are due to be sent out on a secret strike mission, rest assured that Donnie Dorko will bray about it to the heavens before it happens.
Also of note is the bottom port entry: WC-135R 'Nuke Sniffer' operating out of the South Canadian base at Mildenhall in the Allotment Of Eden. Art!
The real name is 'Constant Phoenix' but 'Nuke Sniffer' is far cooler. One has to ask why this particular airframe is included in the TOE, because the Iranian's nuclear stockpile of enriched uranium was completely destroyed according to Donold Judas Trump. The Sniffer is used to detect radioactive debris from nuclear detonations, or possibly radioactive debris from freshly-bombed enriched uranium sites?
We shall see. Jake himself may weigh in, him being a Nuclear Missileer of four years standing.
Point And Sneer
Conrad, as any fule kno, is immensely skeptical about cryptocurrency, dubbing it a 'scamble' and if that word makes the Collins Concise I want royalties. Then there were 'NFT's, or 'Non-Fungible Tokens', which were a bizarre and brief flirtation with graphics that people couldn't really own but which they used the kid's college fund for (in South Canada anyway). I think. It was all petty stupid. Art!
The article goes on at length about how NFT's are now effectively worthless, because they were only ever valuable when there was demand and perceived scarcity, without any intrinsic value themselves. The two concepts that matey above ignored are: i) Underlying worth, which is usually nil, and ii) Long-term sustainability, which again simply did not exist. Thus 95% of NFTs have 0 value.
As with all investments-bordering-on-scams like this, the people who got in at the very start and immediately sold what they acquired will be the only ones who made a killing.
MAGA Still Does Not Understand Tariffs
These swivel-eyed loonwaffles all cheer Pumkinhead when he imposes 10% tariffs on every country across the globe. They either do not or will not understand that tariffs are a sales tax, paid by the South Canadian businesses that import from abroad. What do they do to recoup the tariff? Why, they raise prices. Art!
Monty Python got there first with Meaning.
Conrad is eager to hear this discussed on CNN or MNBC. I bet you can hardly wait as well!
Finally -
Bring it on down, Ambrose!
"Senate, n: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanours."
As depressingly true now as it was then.
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