SIT BACK DOWN!
Don't worry, I am not going to be going through the whole periodic table; instead we are going to be concentrating on a single metal, since we've gotten through as many iterations of 'Dog' and 'Stone' as is entertaining. Art!
That's a bit dull. Let's go back and make amends. Art - be retrospective!
There we go, focussing on today's metal: gold.
As ever, we here at BOOJUM! like to be exact in our definitions, so allow me to quote my 'Collins Concise English Dictionary': 'A dense inert bright yellow element that is the most malleable and ductile metal, occurring in rocks and and alluvial deposits; used as a monetary standard and in jewellery, dentistry and plating.' Art!
Referral to my 'Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable' informs us that alchemists, those Bitcoin miners of antiquity, regarded gold as representing the Sun, whilst silver represented the Moon. In heraldry gold is represented by dots, which seems rather humble. Art!
Wait what? NOT that kind of Dot, Art - get a grip!
They call it 'Or', this being the French for 'Gold', which sounds like the beginning of many hundred bad puns. The carat - another source of bad puns when pronounced - is the unit of measurement for gold present in any article, with the greater the carat meaning the higher the proportion. 24-carat gold is pure gold, but is impractical for any kind of jewellery worn daily, so it's alloyed with nickel or zinc to be more durable.
Okay, that is our run through gold as defined by all sorts of people.
Here an aside. Yes, Spandau Ballet did a song called 'Gold' which I hated then and still hate now. No, they don't get an illo; refer to the word 'hate'. Art!
This is Jonathan Fink, which I've spelled out as the font above is a tad obscure. Ol' Jon read Ruffian language and history at Edinburgh University, and you ought to listen to his vlog, "Silicon Curtain" if you're tired of Western pundits mis-pronouncing Ruffian or Ukrainian names and places.
For Lo! yes indeedy Ally Sheedy, we are come to the main meat of the matter for today's Intro: "Putin's Gold Is Gone" which is hyperbole yet only slightly. Art!
Now, Ol' Jon covered this affair on 22/01/2026, where he attested that the National Welfare Fund - which I have been equally attesting has run out when it certainly hasn't yet - is selling off it's liquid assets of Yuan and gold to cover the monthly gap between expenditure and revenue; i.e. the Mordorvian deficit. On that date Putin had sold off 60% of the total volume, but as I am typing this up as of 9th February 2026, the sold volume is now 70%, meaning the total has dropped from 405 tons pre-Special Idiotic Operation to 133 tons. Art!
Despite it's title, you can trust this publication. The staff and editors decamped from Mordorvia when the SIO began and print outside Ruffia, hence they can tell the truth about their nation and countrymen. Their statistics quote the Ruffian Ministry Of Finance saying they will be selling gold (and Yuan) to the value of $165 million up to February 5th, and later said they will continue selling after February 5th. Between January 16th and February 5th they sold off $2.48 billion of liquid assets, the biggest ever sale in Ruffian history.
Back to Ol' Jon. He pointed out that none of this 'investment' holds any long-term, medium-term or even short-term benefit for Mordorvia, as it's all being converted to items that are being destroyed in Ukraine. Art!
This destroyed kit cannot even be resold for scrap as it's all on Ukrainian territory. Overall the Ruffian economy is still functioning but is also increasing in brittleness thanks to the 50% fall in oil and gas revenue (year-on-year) in January. AHA! Validation! The 'Moscow Times' also asserts that the NWF might be exhausted early this year.
Once again, real life intervenes. Ol' Jon said that the value of Ruffian gold had soared as global gold prices also soared, to $5,500 per ounce in January and then promptly fell to $4,500 in February, in a display of volatility that is rare for gold, and indeed entirely unwanted by investors, who prize the stability of gold prices. Ooops. Even the international gold trade hates Mordorvia.
Ol' Jon's summation of this process is "This is what late-stage war finance looks like" - not a dramatic collapse but an increase in systemic risk. Art!
Tipping point being reached
It's worth noting that Ruffian gold is mined in their eastern provinces, the ones worst stricken by squalor and poverty and whom never see a kopek of the gold they produce.
Well, enough of Mordor's misery, time to move on!
O Make Your Mind Up!
You may recall that, recently, we posted a buzzkill item that asserted life in the universe, and specifically our Milky Way galaxy, was far less likely to develop than had been previously thought, thanks to the extent plate tectonics played in the development of life, and especially intelligent life.
You need plate tectonics to generate carbon dioxide, and you need a finely-balanced amount of CO₂ to avoid either toxicity or lack of photosynthesis. Art!
Frankly, the hypothesis behind this sounds like fuzzy-wuzzy touchy-feely thinking. Conrad = not impressed.
More Gentle Shoeing
There is a Canadian on Twitter whom loathes Trump with the incandescent rage of a thousand supernovae - no exaggeration there - who goes by the moniker 'Canada Hates Trump', leaving no room for misinterpretation. They posted a rebuttal to the Saggy Senile Sepia Sackbut's image of the Obamas. Art!
Not very flattering, admittedly. But wait! It gets worse. Art!
A picture does in fact say a thousand words, and not one of them are nice.
Another One From Tel
Terence Cuneo, that is. You know, official war artist during the Second Unpleasantness and onwards. Art!
'Saving The Guns At Le Cateau'
This one requires a bit of explication. Le Cateau was the second of the big encounter battles the British Expeditionary Force had with the advancing Teutons, and was noted for the heavy loss of Royal Artillery field guns - 38 of them. This is because, according to the doctrine of the time, they were deployed in the open, well forward. By the time it was realised they needed to limber up and retreat, numerous Teuton machine guns were in range, and proceeded to shoot down the horse teams trying to withdraw. Here we see Captain Reynolds and Bombardiers Drain and Luke getting an 18-pounder away from under the very rifles of the Teuton infantry. All 3 were awarded the Victoria Cross.
No, there are no photographs of the actual battle - combat photography was still being invented. There is one of dead horses and gunners post-battle which I'm not going to put up here, you can Google if you feel ghoulish.
Well This Is Interesting
You may remember that we covered the - er - 'documentary' 'Melania' last week and were pretty scathing about it, as it seems to be a film puff-piece intended to flatter King Piggy. It had banked about $7 million at the box office, hence a $3.5 million profit on it's $40 million budget. How on earth you spend $40 million on a documentary is beyond me. Art!
She's wearing heels; he's wearing lifts
I have an update from 'Box Office Mojo' about their take to date. Art!
As you can see, they upped the number of cinemas this farrago is being shown at, when normal business practice is to cut them, so as to reduce overheads for films starting to lose profitability. One gets the feeling that the MAGA faithful were told to attend on Saturday, since the collapse on Sunday takings is so marked. Now up to $6.5 million profit. Only another $33.5 to break even!
Finally -
Ooooh, this one's a zinger!
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." Ronald Reagan.
<whistles nonchalantly>
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