In A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to be waffling on about George Lucas and his 'homage' to 'The Hidden Fortress' and Carrie Fisher as an exotic slave girl - in a brass bra, of course - and killer koala bears. Mind you, using that title does allow me to prod Art into semi-sentience and generate a click-baity image.
IT IS NOT A 'STAR'!
You see, the words I want to focus on today are 'Far, Far Away'. What is the Greek for 'Far'? O I thought you'd never ask! 'Tele'. What is the Greek for ''Writing'? 'Graph'. Hence we get 'Telegraph', which you can transpose as 'Writing from afar' if there's a touch of poetry about you. What's the name for a message sent by telegraph? Art!
So conservative it is nicknamed the 'Torygraph'
'Telegram'.
For Lo! we are going to be following the recent Ruffian imbroglio involving the throttling and banning of the messaging platform 'Telegram' in their beknighted land where the shadows lie, and so do the authorities. Firstly, Starlink was switched off by Elong Tusk, who hoped for a bit of good publicity out of it; this was the Ruffian operational and strategic-level comms platform. Art!
Telegram icon*
There are 75 million users of Telegram in Mordorvia, with up to 85% of people aged between 12- 24 using it, so just over half the orcs use it, meaning there has been a massive backlash about it's banning.
Why ban such a popular platform? Two reasons. One is that it's an uncensored means of communication that allows the orcs to pass home truths to one another; in other words, a channel that is in competition with the official Kremlin narrative. Two, the Ruffian state is desperately trying to get their serfs to use an official government comms channel called 'Max'. Art!
Max is an FSB app that turns a mobile phone into a device that works for them, allowing them to eavesdrop via the mike and read all comms sent on it. As one young orc put it: "It's spyware. We didn't sign up for tha," and this attitude is prevalent amongst Telegram users. So, it has to die. Art!
This is an epic case of cutting off one's nose to spite one's face as well as slitting one's throat to spite one's neck, after shooting oneself in both feet and inserting them in one's mouth. Telegram, it transpires, it essential to orcses on the front lines. Art!
Ruffian drone
Pre-throttle, identifying a target for drones would take as little as two minutes for the orcs. Now, having to use radios to go vertically up and down the chain of command, and possibly horizontally to different commands, takes hours. Targets of opportunity are thus long gone. Likewise artillery strikes. Also, since the orcs in Ukraine are always desperately short of essentials (such as water and food!), they used Telegram to raise funds for things like body armour, helmets, first aid packs, ballistic plates and so on, by messaging people in Mordorvia. Now they have to go without. Art!
A brace of very, very angry Ruffian politicians calling whoever is responsible 'scoundrels' and 'idiots' and 'They should go to the SMO!' Conrad will pass over the fact that many of these wives will be fingers-crossed that their wife-beating hubbo will get droned and earn her a nice widow's benefit**. Art!
That's a caricature of Peskov, the Ruffian Press Secretary and official mouthpiece for Putinpot. I shall quote him about the Telegram shutdown: "I don't think it's possible to imagine frontline communications being provided via Telegram or some other messenger. It's difficult and impossible to imagine such a thing."
As shown above, Telegram was vital for the orcs on the front lines, displaying a staggering level of ignorance and complacency from The Bog Brush about the real situation. This has, obviously, enraged Ruffian milbloggers whom are aware of the truth. Putinpot would much rather his orcs suffer in Ukraine that have his slave population informed and up to date. Art!
Anna
An insight into this whole farrago was proposed by Anna Danylchuk, on the channel 'Anna From Ukraine'. She explained that Bunker Midget Gargoyle doesn't use the internet and thus has absolutely NO IDEA how important Telegram was in communicating. Instead, he was determined to get Max out there, and this is the consequence. Works for me!
'Chris_0Wiki' on Twitter has put up a long explanation on Twitter of why the Ruffians don't have a proper home-grown comms network, which I may detail at a later stage. I bet you can hardly wait.
Conrad Rebuts
Art!
NO!
Next***.
Not So Sweet
More more more of TREE LAW!
This one comes from a Comment on a 'Steve Lehto' Youtube vlog that was itself about tree law. Art!
A maple tree
Indicting Commenting Home Tree Owner, hereafter ICHTO, had a neighbour, Dismissive Ignorant Churlish Knave, hereafter Intrusive Churlish Knave = ICK, who was deliberately trespassing on their land to carry out landscaping for his new house. ICHTO thus got a surveyor to come out and place a 'pin' marking the legal boundary between properties. Art!
A surveyor's pin
ICTHO came home one afternoon to find that this 100-foot 100-year old 4-foot diameter maple tree, firmly on his property, had been cut down by a contractor hired by ICK. They went to court. The contractor confirmed that ICK had deliberately moved the pin to make it seem as if the tree was on his side of the property line. ICK brazenly stated that he'd wanted the tree gone the instant he moved in and was happy to pay the fine for having it cut down, imagining that it would only be a couple of thousand dollars.
He thus blatantly proved he knew nothing about Tree Law.
The court was NOT impressed or amused. They fined him $1,000 per inch of diameter of the tree, and because this is Tree Law, the fine was automatically trebled, becoming $144,000 in total.
ICK had to sell his house to pay the fine.
I Don't Think I've Used This Already
Probably mentioned it whilst I was reading 'British Official History Military Operations Egypt And Palestine'. You see, the Teutons and especially the Ottomans tried to stir up trouble in Egypt during the First Unpleasantness, by bribing and arming Senussi tribes in the interior. Perfidious Albion took a very dim view of this and arranged a punitive expedition consisting of motor transport and armoured cars. Art!
Motor transport in foreground, Rolls-Royce armoured cars in the background. Art!
No radios or telephones (nor telegraphs!) so they communicate with other widely-separated patrols by semaphore and you can see the other ranks keeping an eye on their compatriot's signals with binocular and telescope. Art!
Give up, Senussi rebels, the Camel Corps have arrived! Art?
An essential part of any campaign in the hinterland of Egypt: camels carrying tanks of water, as oases were few and scattered, there were no rivers, streams or lakes or ponds, nor did it rain until winter. Art!
A column of Ottoman prisoners being walked into imprisonment at El Arish. Yes, there are only two guards, the chap on foot and the Egyptian on a donkey, because where can they escape to? Boundless waterless desert on all sides.
The Krembots Are Worried
One of the people I follow on Youtube is 'Paul Warburg', an independent commentator on geopolitics, usually featuring the war in Ukraine. He just speaks to camera in whichever part of the great outdoors he inhabits in South Canada, with no flashy visuals or graphics. He is unabashedly pro-Ukrainian, and has been for his channel's lifetime. Art!
Well, evidently what he says has rattled some perches in the Kremlin, as they have now put out fake AI vlogs of him praising Bunker Midget Gargoyle and saying that Mordorvia has won the war. A bit premature, frankly, and proof that he needs to keep on doing what he's doing, except more so.
Finally -
Another quote from my QI book, this time, self-referentially, from Ambrose Bierce.
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
* I wondered what all those memes with paper planes on fire were about
** Some 'black widows' make a business out of serial marriages to orcs being sent to Ukraine
*** Is this lady one of these same 'black widows'? Because I see nothing spiderish about her otherwise.
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