Once Again We Are Indebted To The 'Museum Of Failure'
That splendid resource of human ambition being thwarted by real life, gravity and common sense. Which is less common than you might hope or expect. The fact that Hom. Sap. has not already destroyed itself with nuclear war is one to ponder when you consider what other terminally stupid ideas they have come up with. Art!
I can tell you right now, because the item they mention here is the 'Fyre Festival' which we have covered before on the blog. What were they thinking? "Let's do the festival right now and become legends!" is what they thought. This, from a group of people with exactly 0% experience in organising music festivals, whom indulged in a cubic ton of pre-event publicity WITH NO ACTUAL PLANNING. Art!
They employed a whole lot of influencers and models to promote an event they hadn't organised in the slightest, thinking that they could outsource everything. Hot tip: they couldn't. It was an embarrassing debacle in every respect, with the CEO, Billy McFarland, ending up doing a six-year stretch in pokey. Art!
Given that Fyre was in 2017, and the laggardly South Canadian legal process, he might be at liberty once more. If he is, expect a verrrry low media profile and cosmetic surgery.
One of the things about coming back to a scandal like this years later is that we now know more about McFarland's background, since he was described back in 2017 as a successful tech entrepreneur. This is utter nonsense; as the FBI now assert, he was a serial scamming fraudster who ripped off investors to the tune of $26 million.
Oooops.
O I just checked - Ol' Bill is out of jail as of 2022. Caveat emptor.
ANYWAY I had no intent of covering Fyre again, rather another entry on 'MOX' that sounds so bizarre it has to be true. Art!
'Skipper', in case you were blissfully unaware, as Conrad was, is the younger sister of Barbie, invented by Mattel in 1964. Ten years later, in a decision possibly made thanks to PCP getting into their cocaine supplies, execs at Mattel approved a Skipper doll that, if the left arm was moved, acquired - I am going to have to be careful here - secondary female sexual characteristics. Check out the profiles to starboard.
I cannot tell. Needless to say, except I'm going to say it, this doll did not go down well, except with possibly a verrrrry niche male purchasing tranche, which is where we shall move on. Art!
No, we're going to go with 'Little Miss No Name' because gently shoeing Donold Judas Trump can have it's own item. Art!
Produced by toy giant Hasbro in 1965, LMNN was intended to be a stern corrective to Barbie, wearing a scorched jute sack, going barefoot, without any fashion accessories and looking as if the world had ganged up on her.
Surprise! the range was not a success, so much so that it was rapidly withdrawn from circulation, meaning that anyone with a pristine LMNN can now make book on selling it.
If you think this is bad .....
Art!
This is the opening shot on 'MOX' for the 'Uroclub' which is described as 'Combined urinal and golf club'. NO I am not making this up. The idea is that male golfers - who seem to be the predominate gender in golfing - use it to discreetly empty their bladders whilst off carousing on the greens. Conrad is not entirely sure the whole thing is a hoax, since I do not golf nor do I know any golfers. Art!
Introduced in 2008, there are still adverts on teh Interwebz about this device, with the one above, with the rather worrying addendum -
Uroclub? Is that a golf club you urinate in? It sure is! Each Uroclub holds half a liter of processed Liquid Death water or iced tea. Get this cutting-edge advancement in urination technology today.
Er - no.
Just no.
Conrad knows very well what iced tea is, 'Liquid Death water' sounds like a brand of whisky, but no way on God's green earth do I want to ever ever ever consume either after they inhabit an Uroclub.
You may be wondering what else 'MOX' has to offer. I shall not disappoint you.
A Defining Moment
More like a defining week. As you are so surely aware, Conrad is an unapologetic supporter of Ukraine, and has been a citric critic of Putinpot for Lo! these many years. The little gimp does not like this criticism but cannot do anything about it because that would mean emerging, wasp-like, from his underground nuclear bunker.
ANYWAY ANYWAY the thing is, Ukraine continues to push the envelope, meaning that orcses are now vulnerable very far away from home. Art!
This is a Ruffian shadow-fleet tanker on fire in the Mediterranean, where, apparently aboard it, one of the Ruffian orchestrators responsible for war crimes in Ukraine, who was a passenger, is now bones and ash.
The orcses are now seeing a problem, because Turkey does not allow military units or supplies through the Bosphorus or Dardanelles, so if Ukraine has gotten drones into the Med, they have managed to bypass the Turks. Who might not, honestly, be checking so diligently after a couple of their tankers in Ukrainian waters were hit by Ruffian drones. This is called 'consequences' or the unsafe acronym FAFO.
This, after Ukraine has repeatedly hit Ruffian oil platforms in the Caspian Sea, sunk other Ruffian tankers and defeated Ruffian cavalry attacks - yes really - on the battlefield.
Watch this space.
At Your Beck And Call
We have mentioned, of late, the rock guitarist's rock guitarist, Jeff Beck, whom was insanely talented in wringing sounds out of the six-stringed succubus, but whom also retained a touchingly humble attitude and preferred a pint of beer to exotic chemical cocktails. Art!
BECK'S BOLERO (1967) by the Jeff Beck Group - with backwards guitar ending
Yes, THAT Jimmy Page, and John Paul Jones, half of Led Zeppelin in later years, and Keith Moon, the legendary nutjob drummer from The Who, and - er - Nicky Hopkins, who was an equally legendary pianist it seems - Art!
 |
| Nicky in 1973 |
This song was created in 1966, before anyone thought to make a portfolio of film or still images, so all that exists is the music track itself. To quote Jeff himself about the recording:
I was using a Les Paul for the lead guitar and for the backwards slide guitar through a Vox AC30 - it was the only amp I had and it was covered with beer! Actually, I think it was the beer that gave it it's sound!
This is not a man who is precious about his talent.
Just To Continue With The 'Gentle Shoeing' Theme
Or maybe not so gentle. Art!
"I have the greatest congitive tests ever!"
Repeated cognitive tests are doctors looking to see how poorly their subject is doing, not a thing to boast about.
As you should surely know by now, we here at BOOJUM! have long loathed the Big Orange Oaf Himself for many years, and delight in proffering tales of his stupidity and boorishness. What is now stacking up are tales from insiders, including medical ones, about how his dementia is playing out in real life, causing Long Sleepy Moments during official meetings.
Sleepy Joe Says Hello.
The White House is trying and lying about this, hoping to make Donold appear as Donald, to limited extent. Trust me on this, keep a photo library on this subject and you'll thank me in 2027.
Don't get me started on that flipping ballroom!
"2000AD do a picture of Donold!
Finally -
To those of you whom worry, No! BOOJUM! does not discriminate against the South Canadians, and certainly not Ambrose Bierce, one of whom's aphorisms we append here:
'Mausoleum,n: The final and funniest folly of the rich'
Watch this space.
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