That is to say, Chris Pratt's character from the 'Guardians Of The Galaxy' franchise, the first two of which were pretty fun, the last one I've not seen so can't comment, and having invoked those films, I now have an excuse to put up a nice click-baity picture. Art!
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| Peter Quill, a.k.a. Starlord, dead centre |
Of course - obviously! - this would not be BOOJUM! if things were this straightforward, because I most definitely do NOT mean Peter Quill, Chris Pratt or anything GOTG. So there.
Yes, we are still working towards a theme of 'Dogs', we'll get to that in a minute or two. BE PATIENT! Art?
This comic only lasted 6 months in 1978 but proved influential for a couple of reasons. It is sometimes described as a 'sister' publication of '2000AD', although 'distant unliked unwanted cousin' would be closer to the truth. The publisher of '2000AD', IPC, felt that the British comics market could support 2 sci-fi comics and wanted to be the one to do the second, rather than Marvel or DC Thompson, both rivals. They had trouble acquiring staff when they tried poaching from '2000AD', had to drop the full-colour plan and became weekly instead of the planned fortnightly, to recoup costs. Art!
They were the predecessors to another wildly popular series, 'The A.B.C. Warrirors', back when that intrusive Sinister acronym WMD wasn't on everyone's lips.
ANYWAY those of you with sharp eyes will have noticed the strip titled 'Strontium Dog' on the cover of Issue One. Art!
Let me introduce you to Johnny Alpha, a mutant bounty-hunter of the future, who is only able to gain fulfilling employment with the 'Search And Destroy' agency, whose mission is - you may be ahead of me here - to search, track down and kill criminals. No nonsense about courts and juries in his world. The SD agency killers are informally known as 'Strontium Dogs', thanks to so many of them being mutants. Why are there so many mutants? Ah well, thanks to being so long-running, 'Strontium Dog' was able to create a formidable back story. You see, in 2150 there came the Great Nuclear War, which - Art!
Actually we're getting ahead of ourselves here. During it's run in 'Starlord' - why yes, I do have a few copies lurking in my Comic Cavern - SD was a fairly straightforward shoot-em-up, just set in the future. Johnny was paired with Wulf Sternhammer, a viking whom like using a massive hammer to flatten any SD targets, and they were occasionally accompanied by the Gronk, an incredibly timid creature who was an incredibly good medic. Art!
Once 'Starlord' ceased publication, 'Strontium Dog' was acquired by '2000AD' and began a run that lasted until artist Carlos Ezquerra jitterbugged off this mortal coil in 2018, with a 10 year hiatus in the middle. The series got a lot more depth, with the 'Portrait Of A Mutant' serial establishing Johnny's background, including his boyhood. Art!
Introducing Nelson Bunker Kreelman, demagogue, humanist and a man whose political power was built around the exploitation or extermination of mutants. A thoroughly un-British bounder, then. He was also Johnny's father. Ooops. Having a mutant son did not sit well with him, and led to young Johnny Kreelman changing his surname and joining the Mutant Army.
After many a scrape and scuffle, justice prevails and good old British compromise ensues, with Kreelman being stripped of power. The Mutant Army are granted immunity from prosecution - but have to leave Earth. Art!
They don't travel far. This is the 'Doghouse', an Earth-orbiting station that accommodates all the Strontium Dogs, presumably so that a wary eye can be kept upon them.
Then there was the story that explained how Wulf, Norse Viking of the 9th century, ended up in the 22nd, and another where the Gronkinator turns up, and an inevitable pairing with Old Stony Face himself. Art!
Good doggy!
I Make More Of Jake
We only got through about half of Jake's vlog yesteryon, so I thought I's continue with it from where we left off. Be aware that it gets a bit grim, no blood or explosions on Jake's vlog as Youtube would instantly demonetise his vlog, just the background info. Art!
We are seeing increasing numbers of orcs mounted on horseback, so 'Seveer of the 95th Rifles' was correct, just a year out, in predicting the Ruffians resorting to horses. This may look pastoral and pleasant but are an admission that Ruffian logistics is in a mess if they cannot transport troops by vehicle, and one has to question if the orcs are capable of watering and feeding these beasts properly. Their sole consolation is that you can't eat a truck when your idiot officers mess up the food supply. Art!
Because Conrad is a numbers nerd, he couldn't avoid doing a bit of analysis here. I have estimated that each Shahed costs $100,000 and each missile at $4 million. Thus the total expended on Shaheds comes to $47 million, that for the ballistic and cruise missiles is $116 million for a combined total of $163 million. This is how much Putinpot is willing to burn on a daily basis to try and batter down the Ukrainian will and it's not working very well. Jake had a grim quip about the clips of Shaheds slamming into Kyiv apartment blocks: "In America we'd call this 9/11; in Ukraine it's Saturday."
Art!
A right rogue's gallery. Just visible behind the Orange Land Whale is Marco Rubio, of whom Jake observed: "Marco Rubio, he's sold his soul, he's dead inside" which is a pretty accurate observation, he always looks utterly miserable in any of these junkets. The bald beggar is the repellent Steven Miller, whom Jake hilariously dubbed 'Pee Wee Himmler'. That name is going to stick round here.
They Made The Darwins
Lest ye be unaware, the Darwin Awards are nominally awarded to those who improve the gene pool by self-deleting themselves, usually in a terminally stupid fashion. Art!
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| Almost relevant |
The winner in this one is a patient who required a nasal cannula to deliver oxygen for their respiration, who was warned DO NOT SMOKE!
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| Or, if you do, REMOVE THE CANNULA |
You see, any naked flame or burning substance that encounters oxygen - not air, oxygen - will flare up immediately as oxygen enhances the burning process immensely.
Darwin Award Winner man ignored the injunction not to smoke, didn't bother to remove the cannula and was thus delivered to the Intensive Care Unit shortly after, with most of the skin burned off his face and the cannula melted into his skin. He died two days later.
Slow News Year?
The media don't seem to want to bother with the world's ongoing strife and conflict, so instead they are grasping for very thin stories indeed. Art!
Conrad, arch-skeptic and rational above all, is not impressed. I doubt these psychics would pass a double-blind test. How difficult is it to predict that Donnie Dorko will be seriously ill in 2026? He now possesses bruises on the back of both hands, not to mention his ankles swollen like sacks of meat, and of course cannot keep awake in meetings if he's not constantly braying like a jackass. How do they define 'serious' due to their extensive medical knowledge? Is 'dead' considered to be 'serious'?
I guess we'll find out, and sooner rather than later.
Shoot Both Feet And Insert Into Mouth
Yet another cautionary and corny tale from the 'Museum Of Failure', one which cost South Canadian taxpayers boatloads of money. Art!
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| ETHANOL FROM CORN! |
Which conversion was so expensive that it saved nothing. The whole process was a financial bust. Ooops. Somebody didn't do scaling-up sums properly.
Finally -
Bye!
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