The Weather, For One Thing
Your Humble Scribe is just back from walking Edna, and cannot feel the ends of his fingers thanks to windchill. Going to be a cold one tonight. STILL NO SNOW! a fact I grumble about, then I complain if it does arrive. It gets tramped into ice on the pavements outside after the first day and is a slip hazard for a week, even more so if there's another snowfall. Art!
That's as festive and joyful as you're going to get.
Our alternative title might be 'The Crash Cannibals' just not in the way you expect, because today in this Intro we're going to be talking about the morbid facts about Ruffian aviation of late. Told you it wasn't going to be Yule logs and tinsel.
Cascading aircraft disasters across Russia mark the collapse of the air fleet
I've based this Intro about 'RFU' and their reports on recent crashes of aircraft within Mordorvia, plus what I remember from previous BOOJUM! items, and a bit of Googling. The link to their vlog is above. Art!
They emphasise that these crashes are deep inside Ruffia, nowhere near the battlefields in Ukraine and thus cannot be explained away as hostile action - mostly.
Firstly I would like to point out that Ruffia's passenger airliners have become increasingly dangerous to fly in, thanks to sanctions curtailing spare parts, software updates and Boeing and Airbus maintenance. This has led to some airlines trying to get access to spares by using the 'grey market', which is very dodgy as counterfeiters have already struck. Art!
A Ruffian business, BLMZ, supplied low-quality ball-bearings which were then installed in Il-76 transport planes, which then had to be grounded whilst an investigation was carried out. Art!
A Rossiya Airlines Sukhoi S-100 lost part of an engine on takeoff and had to make an emergency diversion. Four of this aircraft type have crashed with the loss of 89 passengers and crew.
Perhaps as much as a third of the Ruffian passenger fleet, some 400 aircraft, have now been 'cannibalised', which means being stripped for parts to keep the other 800 aircraft flying.
In RFU's First Incident, they mention the recent loss of an Antonov An-22 cargo plane, which had been in service for over 50 years and was long past being safe to fly. It was supposedly making a test flight when it broke apart in mid-air, all 7 crew being killed. Art!
This is not what a plane should ever look like
There are speculations that the 'repair work' was never carried out, just faked or signed off on without any checks. The plane was still in use as Ruffia didn't have any replacements for it.
Incident Two concerned the 'accidental' activation of an Su-34's ejection system WHILE IT WAS STILL IN THE HANGAR. Art!
Both crew were killed instantly when they were propelled into the concrete roof at 40 m.p.h. Doubtless Su-34 operations are now going to be made much slower because no aircrew are going to get into an airframe that may kill them, without carrying out a very close inspection. It's not clear if the accident was the result of incompetence, sabotage, poor maintenance or all three combined.
Incident Three was the crashing of an Su-35 at Kubinka, when it came in to land after being scrambled to intercept a Ukrainian drone. Details are sketchy as the orcses like to keep cagey about embarrassing losses. Art!
For illustrative purposes only
Incident Four: at Lipetsk, an Mig-31 crashed on approach when the landing gear malfunctioned, no photos available, aircrew said to have ejected but still badly injured. Sounds like the landing gear did not deploy. Art!
For illustrative purposes only
In Incident Five, an Su-30 in Karelia crashed during a training flight, killing both aircrew, implying that it was so sudden and unexpected that they had no time to eject, suggesting serious structural failure. No pictures once again.
Incident Six is even more hazy. A Ka-52 attack helicopter crashed in the Volgagrad region, killing both crew, with no Ruffian official confirmation or causation. Ruffian milbloggers all in a pother about it.
Incident Seven is the crash of a Ka-226 in Dagestan, which actually has a verification video. Art!
The pilot hits the ground, breaking the tail boom, gets back into the air, falls into the water and then takes off again before losing control and crashing, killing all aboard, who were a clutch of engineering VIPs. It's not clear why the first ground strike occurred, possibly instrument malfunction?
RFU - I ought to clarify this stands for 'Reporting From Ukraine' and not any other much naughtier acronyms you may guess at - clarifies the reasons for this ongoing problem, which are not only sanctions, although these have made electronic components impossibly hard to source. There are shortages of spare parts for a 'legacy fleet' of aircraft, Soviet-era components being harvested via cannibalisation and the loss of skilled technical staff. Unbelievably, VDV ground technicians are being sent as sunflower-fodder to Ukraine, so desperate are the Ruffians for more meat. The key specialists who are needed to keep legacy equipment running are getting to be a rare resource.
This is a systemic problem that is going to get incrementally worse. Ooops.
I could fill the rest of this blog with stuff about Ukraine and Modern-day Mordor but am not going to be that cruel.
What Were They Thinking?
Another bizarre entry from the 'Museum Of Failure', which I need to dig around to find a more representative photograph. Art!
This was a range of - ah - 'ketchup' that Heinz debuted in 2000. Conrad loathes ketchup and cannot understand anyone who likes either tomato-flavoured sugar or sugar-flavoured tomato, whichever of the two it is.
The colour range encompassed: Blastin' Green, Funky Purple, Stellar Blue, Passion Pink, Awesome Orange and Totally Teal. Art!
In case you were wondering, as I was.
Sales were good at first, but over time their child market grew up and by 2006 people weren't buying it any more, so it got discontinued. A victory for taste and decency, if you ask me.
We've Seen This One Before
Lazerpig, the Youtube vlogger who is hilarious but also rather sweary, had a short item that I'm unsure is either satire, reportage or utter nonsense, about Donnie Dorko stating that South Canada is going to be building 'Trump' class battleships <needle skating over vinyl sound> which is
ANYWAY before we analyse that bonkerism, let me copy and paste a sly Twitter take on this. Art!
This, of course - obviously! - is the Teuton 'Ratte', a projected 1,500 ton monster mounting the turret from a battleship and propelled by twin U-boat engines. Purely theoretical, which doesn't stop wargamers from wanting a 1/72 scale replica, and from satirical Tweeters.
The Ruffians Don't Like Being Reminded Of This
Fleets of battleships have only clashed twice, before the arrival of the aircraft carrier rendered them mostly redundant. The first occasion was at the Battle Of Tsushima, which the Ruffians lost, in keeping with their appallingly bad leadership in the Russo-Japanese War. Art!
If you think the orcses leaders are bod now, go read up about this war and get back to me.
The second battlefleet engagement was the Battle Of Jutland, which the Teutons liked to pretend they won, apart from the totally-hiding away in port for the next 2 years bit. Art!
Royal Navy battleship squadron looking for a fight.
Finally -
I shall close with another Bierceism, because we need the Word Count and because he's witty in a catty way.
'Desertion,n. An aversion to fighting as exhibited by abandoning an army or a wife.'
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