Battleships!

Rather Than Throw This Away In An Item

I thought I'd pontificate at length in an Intro about battleships, because Donnie Dorko did indeed claim that South Canada was going to create a new type of 'Trump-class battleships', the drivelling loon.  Conrad thinks this must be because he'd seen the documentary 'Pearl Harbor' and was puzzled and upset that South Canada doesn't have any battleships.  Art!

The, ah, 'documentary' in question

     The concept of fleets of battleships going to war with one another upon the briny deep is, of course - obviously! - British, and dates back to 1906, when H.M.S. 'Dreadnought' was launched, immediately rendering every existing battleship obsolete.  Art!

Judge Dread

     She - the relevant pronoun even for naval warships, as mentioned in 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' - did away with the clutter of smaller guns that had been de rigeur,    The Dreadie mounted ten 12" guns and two dozen 12-pounders as protection against torpedo boats.  Her steam turbines could propel her at 21knots, which is 24 PROUD IMPERIAL MILES per hour, a hefty clip for an 18,000 ton vessel.  Art!

The Royal Navy showing off in 1914

     The year before Dreadie was launched had seen the first ever clash of battleship fleets, at the Tsushima Straits in the war between Ruffia and Japan, where the Ruffian fleet got an absolute shoeing for very little Japanese loss.  An interesting footnote is that the Ruffians built their own warships whilst the Japanese were all built at Scottish shipyards on the Clyde.  Tsushima showed that the Ruffians could sail a fleet around the world <polite golf clapping> but were completely outclassed by the far better trained Japanese in their uniformly more modern ships.  Art!

     

     Round Two for battlefleets of battleships was the Battle Of Jutland in 1916, where the Senior Service lost more ships than the Teutons.  One reason for this was the lack of preventive designs to stop the 'flash' from exploding enemy shells from reaching magazines.  Another was that the action was fought close to Germany itself, allowing damaged Teuton vessels to reach port before sinking.  Overall it might have been a tactical success for the Teutons but the strangulating Royal Navy blockade was not ended, and the Teuton fleet never put to sea again.  

     I believe one of my 'British Official History Naval Operations' goes into Jutland in verrrry detailed style, with maps and shizzle, but we're not going there today.

     During the Second Unpleasantness the battleship proved to have become redundant, displaced by another British invention - you're welcome - the aircraft carrier.  Art!

     One of the coffin nails for battleships was the sinking of the Royal Navy's battleship 'Prince of Wales' and the battlecruiser 'Repulse' by Japanese aircraft on December 10th 1941.  There were no Japanese ships involved, and the British had no aircraft.  

     When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbour IN REAL LIFE DONOLD, they inflicted immense damage on the South Canadian navy BUT failed to sink or damage any of the 'flat tops' as they were all at sea.  This failure was decisive, because whilst a battleship may be able to fire shells out to twenty miles, an aircraft can carry a bomb or torpedo for two hundred miles.  Thus the opposing ships in the Battle of the Coral Sea never even saw each other; it was all air action.  Art!

     Today, missiles with a range of dozens of miles, massing a far bigger payload than a humble shell, are used in naval combat.  The Royal Navy's losses in the Falklands were due to air-launched missiles and air-dropped bombs, not by Argentinian ship action.  The big-gun battleship is extinct and cruisers are the largest naval vessels in inventories now.  The last time South Canada used battleships in anger was 1991 in support of Operation Desert Storm, where they were used for shore bombardment.  They got away with this because the Iraqi navy was non-existent and the Iraqi air force had already been destroyed.  Art!

     Donold Judas Trump also has no concept of how long it takes to build a battleship, nor of how much it costs, because he has the attention span of a fruit fly and has other people to do sums for him.  He will be out of office by the time any of these ships get to be launched, IF they ever get commissioned in the first place, because why have a far larger, more vulnerable, more costly guided-missile battleship when you can have guided-missile cruisers?  That will do the same job but cost a fraction of the final price.

     That Dog Buns! doc 'Pearl Harbor' has a lot to answer for.

     Right!  Enough military blather, let's have a change of topic.

They Do Things Differently In Finland

Including possibly suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, because north of the Arctic Circle in Suomi, there are up to 52 days with no sun.  So!  Another entry from the 'Museum Of Failure' and one I'd never heard of before.  Ho ho.  You'll see.  Art!

     This is the 'Valkee', which is exactly what it looks like, a pair of earphones sporting LED lights.  Supposedly using the V for up to twelve minutes per day would combat SAD, migraines and jet-lag, by - er - shining lights into your ears.  There was no evidence to prove this claim and a review in Finland said the marketing was utter tosh, except in Finnish, which is 'Täysi tosh'.  The business was founded in 2007 and filed for bankruptcy in 2021, owing €1.5 million with only €100,000 in assets.  I bet they were SAD.

'Sinners'

Just seen this with the rest of the family.  It's looooong, and they could have edited 30 minutes out of the opening in my opinion, but once things start to unravel, O my, do they unravel!  Art?

     Michael B. Jordan plays both 'Smoke' and 'Stack', identical twins who have arrived in Mississippi after doing gangster work in Chicago, after having taken a lot of cash from the gangs they were working with or against.  Their plan is to create a 'juke joint', which they do, except things unravel after the sun goes down and -

     Not going to spoil anything.

One Can Only Hope

Conrad said, rubbing his hands with malicious glee.  Art!

DOGE Gone

     One fat weirdo talking to another  fat weirdo.  I haven't seen any mention anywhere recently about his supposed establishment of a political party, so I imagine that fantasy has died the death.  No self-driving taxis in time for Christmas, either.  Conrad is unsure why they have a Shiba dog in the background, as it's the icon of NAFO, the 'North Atlantic Fella Organisation'.  I would be grateful if Elong Tusk does go away forever.  No, I'm not going to watch it, the video is 13 minutes long and I still have this blog to put to bed, AND a 'Jake Broe' vlog to finish watching.  I stopped watching it to create this blog.  See how much I care?

Another Biercism For You

Because I find him funny, before you ask.  Have at it, Ambrose!

'Gunpowder, n.  An agency employed by civilised nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence.  Milton says it was invented by the Devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from scarcity of angels.'

     Actually there's another three or four hundred words to this definition, so I have cut it short, just to be merciful.  Art!

Finally -

Typing this out on Christmas Day, and being sternly sober, as I am driving to Warrington tomoz morning to pick up Darling Daughter.