No! This Is Not About The Recent British Earthquake
Yes, they do happen in the Allotment Of Eden, although they're usually so minor nobody notices unless they occur during daylight hours. There was one a few days ago, which failed to interrupt Conrad's sleep, so it cannot have been that large. Art!
Carnforth is about 50 miles distant, so the minor wobble inflicted upon terra firma went un-noticed in The Mansion.
NOR are we on about that musical hellion, Jerry Lee Lewis, and his paean to tectonic activity. Art!
Replicated with all it's disgraceful South Canadian mis-spelling. Missing the 'G' is not big or clever, it's sloppy and w
ANYWAY Less of what's not and onto what's what. I don't have anything in particular cued up and ready to go for today's Intro, so - what will it be? BOVINGTON TANK MUSEUM? 'Charley's War'? Thai zombie Netflix serial?
None of the above! Before you weep with gratitude, temper it with caution, as we're going to be looking at a tranche of video clips from 'Discover Tech US' instead of one at a time. Art!
No, that's not a glowing neon tube he's handling, it's red-hot steel. Note the less than expansive Personal Protective Equipment he's using: a pair of gloves. Note also the nice cool shorts and sandals, because working up close and personal with radiant steel is hot hot hot. What cooling system do they use in this probably Chinese hell-hole? Art!
Yes, a pan of water flung at him. Note that the flinger takes care not to get too close to the, once again, RED HOT STEEL. Because, for the hard of thinking, it's dangerous stuff. Art!
By the way, I got an ID from the very end of that clip where Damon Albarn nearly gets his face removed by an uncoiling roll of sheet steel. Art!
Tata. Which is what he nearly said to his face. Ha! I'll bet he did a fair bit of quaking afterwards. Art!
More molten metal mayhem. Methinks we've covered this one before. It still goes up as it's an epic reveal. Focus on that giant cooking pot full of molten steel, safely contained, not doing anyone any harm. Art!
Until Colin The Crane Cretin forgets to detach the hoist from the bucket. Ooops and then some. Art!
The one instance where the floor really does become lava. Note how intense the light is, causing the camera to suffer contrast failure. Only by the grace of God was the area empty. They'll have to let that slag cool off before chiselling it away with pneumatic drills and replacing the stone slab floor. I doubt Colin the Crane Cretin was still employed there an hour later. Art!
What can possibly go wrong? Quite a lot, actually. You can't tell immediately from this still, but that large cylindrical tank is resting on supports that don't fix it securely in place. Art!
Bob The Boilersuit Berk abandons his ladder for the leg, which you will observe is rounded and thus not providing a good footing, but it means he doesn't have to go and get a longer ladder, thus saving time. Art!
Bob's weight causes the cylinder to start rotating and he prepares to -
Do a bit of stunt-ladder work? It's not clear if he was trying to get back on the ladder, or making a jump for it, and forgot that the ladder was there. At any rate he gets off on the side the cylinder was rolling towards, which is a bad choice. Bob's not having a good day. Art!
Bob makes a hard landing. The only good thing here is that the cylinder didn't roll off it's supports and crush him, which is cold comfort for our ladder-straddling protagonist. Art!
These three heroes are faffing about with multiple sheets of glass that have been lashed together, making it a single large and heavy load, hence the three of them. Standing rather incautiously between that load and the sturdy table. Art!
The inevitable happens and they end up trapped between glass and table. The glass may be tempered as none of it breaks, which would have added injury to the insult, being squashed and lacerated. Art!
Their mates are quick to help and here's at least half a dozen struggling to shift the panes, before chest compression causes asphyxiation. Art!
I'd suggest using a prop to keep those panes upright, not stand in front of them, matey. Enough accidents for one Intro! let us baldly forge forwards!
A Little Gentle Shoeing
Because I need to keep practicing to maintain my edge of awfulness, it doesn't come naturally you know, Conrad has to work to be horrid. Art!
Fat Caligula's fee-fees will be sooooo hurt if he ever finds out about this metric, which is shockingly unlikely as he wouldn't know art or music if it got into his bed and bit him. Allow me to boost the Word Count and deliver a bit more detail -
I think 'Sleeping Beauty' would be more apt, considering we're talking about Dozy Donold here. Art!
Disney IS A Money-Laundering Operation!
Another 'Museum Of Failure' entry and one that Your Humble Scribe was vaguely aware of, merely as a headline with no further information on it. Art!
That's what Disney wanted to project as their 'Starcruiser' experience. Art!
The place was flipping enormous, as you can see from above. Note the lack of filled spaces in the car park.
The unpleasant reality - a giant concrete slum. The big idea was that guests would pay the eye-watering sum of $5,000 to spend two days immersed in the Starcruiser. This price increased to $6,000 in 2023. Yes, they needed to fleece people as much as possible, having sunk $300 million into the venture NOT MONEY LAUNDERING AT ALL HMMM and opening in 2022.
Aaaaand closing in 2023.
Guests didn't like the cramped, windowless rooms, a lot of the software supposed to run things in the background failed, and they had to stick to the venue's itinerary, not their own. As hotels go, it was also pretty small - only 100 rooms and since the 'experience' was exactly the same each time, no repeat custom.
Looking at the numbers, if we assume they could run 180 two-day events across the year, and all 100 rooms were booked (not true in real life) at $5,000 per room, it would still take them over three years just to break even at $90 million per annum. Why, for $300 million they could make a 'Snow White' film instead. Art!
Or not.
More Gentle Shoeing
Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks has been relaxing since he's been out of BOOJUM!s sights for a couple of weeks. Can't have him getting complacent, now can we? Art!
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| 'Modi never got over his un-natural lust for human flesh' |
For a germophobe like Putinpot, getting to hug another person and have them landing a smacker on your cheek is an experience to be dreaded. The Puffy-Phaced Petrol Pimp is in India, cap in hand, to request that Modi send hundreds of thousands of manual workers to slave in Ruffia, given the demographic crisis in Mordorvia. Mighty Ruffia, propped up by the Norks and Indians. No, they won't be sent to die in Ukraine, the orcs tried that already and Mr Modi was deeply unhappy about it. Bunker Gargoyle dare not risk offending him again.
More Of Terence Cuneo
You know, the official war artist chap, who tried to insert a mouse in all his paintings after a certain date. Art!
The title for this daub is 'Testing A Parnell Turret', and as you can see, this one is hooked up to a set of gauges to test things like speed of rotation and how fast the guns can elevate. Be advised that loosing off 4 Browning machine guns in an enclosed space like this will result in permanent ear damage, because those boffins in the background aren't wearing ear protection. Art!
A Parnall turret installed in the rear of a Lancaster bomber.
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